


A Crooked House

by spockandawe



Category: Avatar: Legend of Korra
Genre: Age Difference, Burns, Character Development, F/M, Falling In Love, Love/Hate, Older Man/Younger Woman, Personal Growth, Road Trips, Serious Injuries, Spiritual Growth, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-27
Updated: 2013-04-13
Packaged: 2017-11-22 14:49:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 27
Words: 76,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/611008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spockandawe/pseuds/spockandawe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tarrlok has survived the explosion on the boat, but is horribly burned. As the council thinks he is their best hope for tracking down and fighting Amon, the city decides to treat him despite his crimes. Even though she never would have wanted want to do it on her own, Korra is forced into healing him. NOT a quick hurt/comfort. Mostly T, but some chapters have more sexual content. TW: brief mention of self-harm</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Tarrlok

\--

All I knew was fire of unbearable heat and the suffocating pressure of the water. I was half-aware that I dreamed, but even in unconsciousness the pain never left me. Even when I thought I'd clawed my way into wakefulness I knew I was trapped in the dream, for my brother stood over me with a hand held carefully to skin that still burned and the merciful coolness of healing followed his fingers. His hair shifted as he looked up at me, and I sank back down into the darkness even as I tried to whisper his name.

When I truly awoke it was worse. I was in a bed in some unfamiliar room, but I could hardly think of anything but the agony. I closed my eyes and tried to breathe deeply, but with every rise and fall of my chest I was painfully aware of the sheets scraping against raw flesh. When I tried to lick my dry lips, the skin of my face was tight and unresponsive. Everything I did only increased the pain and simple consciousness was torture. As I lay there I prayed for any release, anything to end this.

My eyes flew open at the sound of a footfall. Avatar Korra, of all people, stood at the bedside. She didn't look up at my face, but carefully turned over a corner of the sheet and bent water from some place I could not see. She placed a soft hand on my side and healing spread from her fingertips. I gasped at the sudden relief, and her eyes flickered momentarily to my face, then back down to her work. As she moved down my side and leg, the burning returned when her hand had moved on, but was just a bit more bearable than before. When she paused to fold back the sheet, I caught glimpses of twisted reddened skin. Or was there even skin there anymore? I wondered how bad the damage was that I couldn't see, but I was already drifting back into sleep.

The next time I opened my eyes, she was already standing there above me carefully bending water against my burns. I struggled to sit up for a moment, but my limbs wouldn't answer to me and my head swam. I collapsed back against the pillow. She looked up at me, startled, and met my eyes for the first time before she quickly looked away. I opened my mouth, feeling my lips crack as they moved, and managed to croak something that sounded like, "water." Still avoiding my face, she reached over to a bedside table to grab a shallow bowl and dip it in a larger basin. She slid one hand behind my head to raise it and lifted the bowl to my lips. I drank it down gratefully. She reached for another bowl on the table and dipped a spoon into it before bringing it to my mouth. It was warm broth, and although I felt no hunger I obediently swallowed every bite she fed me. But even as I finished the broth and she let my head down again she did not once look at me in the eyes.

I was able to pay closer attention as she worked this time. The burns were somewhat healed by now, but they seemed to cover a great deal of my body. It seemed that I would get better though. I'd been found by healers, I was getting treated right now. I'd recover. The burns would fade to simple scars with healing. The pain of the moment would pass. I still hurt everywhere, but my right arm was by far the worst. I supposed it made sense that the hand that held the glove would have been the worst damaged. It felt like my hand and fingers still burned and I wanted nothing more than for her to bend the soothing water there. As she slowly moved down my body, I managed to mumble something about healing my right arm. She nodded without even glancing up, but continued as she had been doing. What must have been hours stretched by as I watched her work, I was aware of little else but the pain. There was the small area of relief beneath her hands, but everywhere else I felt the same agony as ever. I managed to form some barely coherent question about medicine and for the first time she really responded to me.

"Oh! I'm sorry, I hadn't- This isn't something I've ever-"

She flushed red and abruptly stood up and walked out of the room. I supposed that it wasn't usually an issue with a trained healer around. Wounds were closed and forgotten before pain relief ever became an issue. It must be that these burns were so bad that even multiple sessions weren't enough to heal them. I looked closer at the leg she'd left exposed. It was going to be badly scarred, no doubt about that. Even when I was physically whole it would never look the same again. I was just thinking about trying to move the other sheets when she came back in the room carrying a cup. She poured the liquid into the shallow bowl and again lifted my head to carefully feed it to me. Before I was even half done I could feel it taking effect, but my right arm still throbbed painfully. She placed my head back and picked up a cloth to wipe away some medicine that had spilled down my cheek. I tried to shape the words asking her to heal my arm, but the blackness was stretching up to pull me under and I had no choice but to surrender.

When I woke again she was not there. I felt somehow betrayed as I lay and let the minutes slowly creep by. I tried to sit, to move, but I was too weak to even lift my head. The pain in my arm kept me from falling back asleep and I could do nothing but trace the hairline cracks in the ceiling as I waited. The room had no windows, only two bright lamps mounted on the walls, so I had no way to mark how much time passed before she came in. Without a greeting, she fed me the same water and broth as the last time, then turned over a section of the sheet and began her work. I knew what I wanted today, and I was determined to get it. My stiff lips tripped over the words, but I begged her to at least heal my hand. Every finger was in pain, I could feel the agony across my palm and up my wrist. I needed that relief more than any other healing she could give me.

She stared up at me in shock, then her mouth twisted and she looked away. I pleaded. Anything. I would do anything if she would only heal my hand. Finally she looked back up to me, then down to the sheet. She slowly pulled it up and I had to smile with relief at the thought that I'd finally get that healing. But when I looked down at my arm it just... ended. Where there should have been a forearm, a wrist, a hand, there was nothing. I looked back up at Korra, silently begging her to disagree with what I saw, but she would not raise her eyes to meet mine. I turned my head away from her, trying to hold back my reaction.

It was too much. My breath caught in my throat as hot tears leaked out of my closed eyes and ran down my cheek. I heard Korra stand and walk around the foot of the bed to kneel by my face. I refused to open my eyes to look at her. With a gentle touch she brushed the tears away, then reached under the sheet to take my hand in both of hers. I clung to that support as I cried. What were my dreams of recovery after all? No bending, no arm, and covered in horrific scars. I could still feel that strange tightness in my face, so surely that was as disfigured as the rest. What was left to take? I gasped for air as the weight of reality bore down on me. Korra stayed as I wept all the way to exhaustion. Finally, I was able to let myself sink into the merciful peace of sleep, holding desperately to her hand until the last.


	2. Chapter 2

Korra

\--

When I saw him lying there in front of me, what I felt more than anything else was satisfaction. The news of his escape had terrified me. Although I'd had larger problems to worry about at the South Pole, the fear had been there in the back of my mind. He'd come so close to kidnapping me before, and no power I had could have stopped him. He would have easily had me, if not for Amon. Amon. There was another nightmare. Fortunately, we had Tarrlok to solve it.

It was hard to believe that this twisted, broken thing was really Councilman Tarrlok. When he'd washed up on the shore just outside the city the day after the battle against the Equalists, he was burned beyond recognition and people assumed that he was a casualty off one of the Navy ships. He'd been brought into the city and given to the healers before he'd been properly identified. After that, well, nobody really wanted to treat him. There were hundreds of wounded from the fight against the revolutionaries, and a traitorous bloodbender could wait until those others had been healed. There were many who argued that he should have been left to die right then. But that didn't happen. Republic City had found a use for him.

As soon as I'd returned from the South Pole with Tenzin, the three other council members told me that I was to heal Tarrlok and nurse him back to health. I protested. Loudly. He was one of the last people in the world I'd want to help. As much as I might pity him for his childhood, I hated him for what he had done. But when they told me why I needed to heal him, I was much more agreeable. There was a much larger threat at large in the world. Nobody knew what had happened to Amon after the fight, and a healthy, vengeful bloodbender with the ability to lock others' bending was much more dangerous than Tarrlok was. But we had a way find to him. Someone who was capable of challenging him, someone who could identify him. If I restored his bending, a bloodbender could stand with the city forces to track down Amon. A slim lead, but it was all we had. After Amon was captured, Tarrlok would be returned to the city to face his crimes. And there was no doubt that he would pay for them.

The trouble with this plan was that he had been lying half-dead for days before anyone thought of it. When I came back from the South Pole, they realized that here was an extremely powerful waterbender, trained by the best healer in the world. I tried my hardest to put them off with excuses that I'd done no work with older wounds and wasn't very experienced at treating burns. I begged them to look for another healer from the city, but they told me that the other healers were still occupied with the aftermath of the battle. They did reassure me that he only needed to be able to stand and bend. I was fairly certain that I could manage that much. I did tell them that I refused to restore his bending until there was a force of metalbenders there with me, ready to restrain him. They promised that that would not need to be a concern until he was fully recovered.

When I stood there, though, preparing to actually heal the man who had kidnapped me, twisted me until my bones bent, it was much harder to actually do it. He was unconscious and breathed shallowly as he lay there unmoving beneath a thin sheet. I simply looked at his face for a while before I did anything else. They'd left him without bandages, waiting for treatment from a healer that never came. With his hair half-gone and his face a discolored mess of red he hardly looked like the terrifying man who'd kidnapped me. His left side was the pink of a burn that I thought I could probably heal, but the most of his face would be a twisted mass of scars no matter what I did. I sat on a chair next to the bed and bent a little water from the bowl next to me, just enough to cover my hands. I leaned forward and put careful fingers to each cheek. As I began the healing, his eyes flickered open for just a moment. I froze in place with my heart pounding in my chest, but he seemed to be unconscious still, so I moved onward.

I did what I could for his face, but it took longer that it should have and I made much less progress than I expected. Infection threatened his right eye and I burned it out, but that alone took almost an hour of hard work. I ground my teeth in frustration. I had been serious when I told the council they should have found another healer. I'd do my job. He'd stand, he'd bend. I would do what I could, but this was going to be harder than I expected. I began to move down from his face, treating his neck and his shoulders, but at that point I had to turn back the sheet to make any further progress.

I took a moment to judge the situation. He'd been even more neglected that I had thought. I could almost understand waiting for the bandages, but I couldn't believe that nobody had bothered to change the sheet, and it had stuck to his wounds in several places. I tried hard not to think about what I was doing as I bent water over to loosen the cloth enough to tug it away. I was so focused on that task that I didn't really look down at him until the sheet was tossed on the floor. I looked over his bare body at the work I had to do. At first glance, it wasn't as bad as I'd expected. His right side was burned the worst, though not as badly as his face. I supposed that his clothing might have provided some protection. His left arm and hand were badly burned, but I thought I could treat those well enough. When I saw his right arm I gagged. I had to run out of the room and find a window where I could breathe the fresh air for a bit while I got myself back under control.

I think that once I could have healed it. Now... I don't know how any healer, no matter how busy, could have left it like that. No matter who they were treating. I tried to breathe deeply, to focus on the task at hand. I told myself that I'd seen worse, but I knew that was just a lie. I bent the water from the bowl -just like any other healing, just like any other- and moved my hand to his arm. I flinched as my fingers touched charred flesh but held onto my concentration by the barest thread. I poured energy into the arm, but I could tell that it was making almost no difference. When my fingers brushed against bone, I retched and went running from the room again. For the rest of the day I alternated between healing the rest of his body and healing that arm. I could tell it was a futile battle. If my healing was making such slow progress on the normal burns I would not succeed with this.

Finally, I gave up for the day. My hands were shaking with exhaustion, but I collected myself and went looking for whoever was supposed to be taking care of Tarrlok. I finally cornered a nurse who sullenly admitted that they hadn't been changing his linens or watching his condition. I followed her as she rounded up a gaggle of others and then I marched them all up to his room to give them new orders. His sheets were to be changed once every day. Even if he was unconscious, a fresh bowl of broth would be placed in his room at mealtimes. His other needs would be promptly taken care of. Someone needed to check on him during the nights. I did my best to impress on them how important it was that this man survived. It was the wish of the city council and the Avatar that this man be cared for. Even though they were clearly unhappy at being ordered to treat a known traitor so well, I think that I intimidated them enough that my directions would be followed.

The following day was no easier. No matter how much work I poured into the healing, progress was painfully slow. His right arm was no better. As I tried to work on it I felt the first stirrings of gangrene, and no amount of healing I poured in could push it back. It was too hot outside, that was the problem. His arm had been left to rot for too long, and I had to face the truth that there was nothing more I could do. I could have healed it! Earlier, I could have! I sent a nurse to find a more experienced healer. No matter what the council's orders were, I could not bring myself to amputate a man's arm.

It was done faster than I expected. I stood there to heal the new stump that was left behind, and I knew I'd never forget the grating noise the saw made as it cut through bone. My hands shook as I reached down to heal the what remained of his arm, and I kept my eyes turned from the blackened thing the nurse carried away in a pan. In a way, this healing was easier than trying to repair the other injuries. Rather than coaxing burnt flesh into believing it was healthy, I only had to focus on closing the wound. As I went the work still took longer than it should have, but without that arm threatening to rot away where it sat, I was certain for the first time that he'd live.

Soon after that, he began waking up. I'd made an uneasy peace with his unconscious body, but the living, breathing Tarrlok was another matter. At first he was hardly aware of his surroundings and I was just able to ignore him and go about my business healing him. If I pretended he wasn't watching, what difference did it make? I doubted he was noticing very much anyways. The nurses said he never really woke when they changed his sheets. I was there from sunrise to sunset doing nothing but trying to heal his body, and I resented every moment he stirred and woke to watch me being forced to serve him. I did give in enough when he was unconscious to spoon some broth into his mouth. It was very like feeding a child. When I brought the spoon to his mouth his lips would part and he would swallow without ever opening his eyes.

As he woke more often, I was reluctant to keep treating him. But the healing I had managed to complete was barely adequate and I needed to accomplish something more before I could really say that I had done my duty. I could constantly feel his eyes on me, and one second I wanted to punch him for what he'd done to me and the next I wanted to go running from the building. My skin crawled as he watched me move around the bed. I never acknowledged him and silently begged him just to ignore me the way I ignored him, but from the moment he woke to the moment he slipped back into sleep he did nothing but stare at me. I settled on treating him just as when he'd been unconscious. I hoped he had no way to notice the way my heart pounded with anger and fear every time I saw him watching me.

That strategy did not last long. He began trying to talk to me and make requests. Usually it was nothing that mattered, like asking me to heal his right arm. Of course I'd heal it, I was healing everything. I tried to tune him out and work around him. If I pretended not to hear, it was almost like he wasn't there at all. The first time he asked for water, I was able to feed him the same way as when he'd been asleep and I thought I could adjust to this. But when he asked for pain medicine I was completely rattled. It was something I hadn't thought of before. I'd always, always healed people fast enough that they didn't need anything like that. Every other healing I'd done had been more competent, more complete than this one. I went red with embarrassment and left the room to find a nurse who could find me something to give him. One small mercy was that whatever was in the medicine put him right back to sleep.

The next day he was awake when I arrived and I walked into the room to find him staring at me with unblinking eyes. My heart jumped with fright and it took a great effort to not turn around and just leave. I managed to step through the motions of giving him food and water, but when I moved to the healing he interrupted me. It took a moment to understand what he was asking, but when it sunk in it felt like a physical blow. He wanted me to heal his right hand. He didn't realize- If I'd been sooner- If I'd been better- It took a long moment for me to collect myself. When I looked into his eyes I couldn't handle the question there. I stared down at the floor as I pulled the sheet away from what was left of his arm.

I could feel his eyes on me, but I couldn't bring myself to meet them. When I heard that single sob, I raised my head to look at him. He was quiet now with his head turned away to the other side of the room. In that moment I couldn't see the terrifying bloodbender who abducted me. I only saw a man in unbearable pain. I stood and walked around the bed to kneel on the floor by his side. As tears ran from his closed eyes I reached out impulsively to brush them away. I felt so painfully responsible for his loss, I had to offer some kind of comfort to him. I lifted the edge of the sheet and took his hand in mine. It shook as he clung to me. If I'd only been a better healer, I could have done this right. I should have been able to save his arm. I stayed there with him until he fell into a restless sleep, then returned to my work. I was good enough. I could heal this.


	3. Chapter 3

Tarrlok

\--

The next day I woke to find Korra already at work. My eyes were sore, but the emotions that overwhelmed me before felt dulled by distance. I managed to lift my head a hair to look down where my arm had once been, and she turned around at the sound. This time she actually met my eyes and gave a weak half-smile before looking away. Thinking back on what I had done to her I supposed it was surprising enough that she had agreed to treat me at all. The minutes stretched on as she moved slowly across my body, glancing sideways at me every so often, but finally she awkwardly cleared her throat.

"Tarrlok, if you're feeling up to it today, there was some new healing I was hoping to do." It took a moment to realize that she was talking to me and the words of an answer stuck in my throat for a second, but I cautiously agreed. "There are burns on your back that I haven't been able to reach, and we thought it might have been risky to move you before. Do you think you could sit up?"

"I don't know. I tried before, but it didn't go well."

"Here, I can help you"

Without waiting for an answer, she quickly stepped around to my left side and turned the sheet down to my waist. She slid an arm under my shoulders and slowly began to lift me upright. As I moved, I felt the sheet beneath me sticking to my skin.

"Hold on, let me fix that." She moved my arm to weakly wrap around her back as she leaned over my shoulder. She supported me with one hand and gently peeled away the cloth with the other. I couldn't help hissing at the pain as she pulled the sheet away from burns I hadn't realized were there, but it was a relief to feel the fresh air against my back. Finally, she eased me the rest of the way upright and took a step away.

My vision swam and I think I might have collapsed if she hadn't stepped in to hold me again. I closed my eyes and tried to take deep breaths while she held me up. She tossed the sheet back further and reached out to grab my legs. More slowly this time, she turned me until I sat, slumped across her arm, on the edge of the bed next to where she kneeled. She stayed that way for a while as I tried without any luck to center myself and find my balance.

"Do you think you can sit on your own?" No. She waited a moment for an answer, then shifted so that she was pressed against me, looking over my shoulder as I leaned against her. "Just let me know if it gets worse, alright?" I felt her free arm move, and then the cold of healing spread across my back. With the raw way my whole body felt, I'd hardly been aware of the pain there, but the relief that followed her hand was indescribable.

We stayed that way for a long time. I think I could have fallen asleep to the rhythm of her breathing as her hand moved up and down my back. As the time stretched on, I began to feel well enough to open my eyes, and it occurred to me that this was my chance to really see how badly I'd been burned. The scars that were forming along my body were ugly twisted red things and they were mixed with broad patches of too-shiny pink skin. The fingers of my remaining hand were gnarled and bent, and I couldn't fully straighten them however I tried. I remembered how tight my face and lips felt and decided I didn't want to see a mirror yet.

I almost got lost in contemplation of the scars covering me when it finally dawned on me that I was wearing no clothing. I blushed hard, intensely grateful that Korra wasn't in a position to see my face. I tried to reason it away into nothingness as she worked. My torso was the least-burned area and looked better healed than the rest of me. She shouldn't have had to do anything uncomfortable, and I would have been unconscious during most of the healing anyways. But that didn't change the fact that she'd been working on my naked body, presumably the whole time I'd been here, and it had taken me days to notice.

When she finally started to finish with my back, I had my face under control and managed to make a simple, polite request for some kind of clothing. I saw her eyes flicker downward for a split second, and she said, "I'm sorry, but it would make the healing difficult. I'd probably just have to take it off every day when I came in, and there are a few places where I'd still be worried about it sticking like the sheet did." Ah. I'd be naked for a while longer, then.

I swayed and almost fell when she moved the arm that held me up, and she had to gently catch me to help me keep my balance. Even more carefully than when I'd sat up, she eased my legs back onto the bed and lowered me down so my head rested on the pillow again. She rearranged me to her satisfaction, tugging the sheet up to my chest again. It seemed like she was about to return to her normal routine again, and I searched for something I could say to her. After so long lying here in silence, even her reluctant conversation was something I desperately needed.

"What's wrong with my hand?"

She sat back down on the edge of the bed and lifted my hand up, turning it over to look at the fingers. "When bad burns are healing, sometimes the joint just tightens up. It's not usually an issue if it's healed fast enough. But stretching can help loosen them up again. I've just been having to wait on that until your skin was back in one piece."

Without using any bending, she began to take my fingers one by one and work them back and forth. I watched her hands and she watched my face. She seemed to notice when I felt a stab of pain even before I did and stayed carefully within the limits of what I could comfortably stand. She lapsed into silence again and I dug for another question.

"If it isn't usually an issue, why is it now?"

She froze for a second, and looked down at my fingers as she resumed her work. "It's because it took a while to bring you in for healing. They think it was a few days before you were found, so since I began treating you, all the healing has been slow and difficult."

I was stunned. "A few days?"

She nodded, "They found you washed up on the shore outside the city a couple days after the battle. Everyone was shocked that you were alive at all. It took a lot of work before anyone thought you'd make it."

"Why did you heal me?"

She looked appalled at that. "It's only right!" She bent her head determinedly to my hand, and her whole manner begged me to stop asking questions. I still watched her, but she carefully avoided looking up at me. Finally, she dropped my hand back on the bed and bent water out of the bowl to begin the regular healing work again.

I stared up at the ceiling, ignoring her as she moved around and over me. Days. Days before the healing began. I'd wondered how much the scars would fade, but now I had to wonder whether they would fade at all. So long... days before I was found, some time before I woke up, and then the time since. It must have been more than a week since I destroyed the boat. She was here constantly treating me, yet the wounds barely improved beneath her hands. How long before the healing stopped having any effect at all?

She eventually turned to feed me, this time trying to tempt me with a vegetable soup instead of the plain broth I'd been eating. I ate mechanically, but even when she smiled and warned me it was time for the medicine, I couldn't bring myself to answer her. Sleep was a relief, not only for freedom from the pain, but for a release from my own thoughts.


	4. Chapter 4

Korra

\--

I found that I was beginning to look forward to the healing sessions with Tarrlok. It wasn't that they were enjoyable, only that they were so much better than anything I might have had to face outside his hospital room. In the early morning I restored bending to small groups of ex-benders carefully chosen by the council, then went to heal Tarrlok until well after sunset, and that was all my time used up right there. Things were bad in the city. I would have been nervous to walk the streets at night if I didn't have Naga with me. Fortunately the hospital had a courtyard where she slept during the day, and in the evenings I rode her down to the dock to catch a ferry to Air Temple Island. The walk to the ferry was short, but tense. Small gangs of benders patrolled watching for nonbenders making trouble, and similar gangs of nonbenders watched for suspicious benders. Every day there was more broken glass on the roads and sometimes I saw what looked like blood on the cobblestones.

When I finally got home, I quietly ate and listened to everyone making conversation. Every so often Mako or Tenzin would turn to me with a question, but I mostly let everyone talk around me until I finally got to my feet to stumble off to bed. Mako was worried about me. He sometimes pulled me aside in a hallway to ask if I was alright, but I always managed to put on a smile and reassure him that I was only tired. I wanted to throw myself into his arms and cry, to tell him about the nightmares, about how bad things were in the city, about how scared I was. I wanted to tell him how people would throw themselves at me in the streets, begging me to restore the bending that had been taken from them. Things hadn't gotten better just because Amon was gone. I wasn't better.

I didn't tell him any of that. Things were too serious to derail with the emotional problems of one girl. I had my duty. We all did. Tenzin asked me every day about Tarrlok's progress so he could pass the information to the rest of the council. Mako and Bolin were part of a bending task force working with the metalbending police to establish peace in the city and Asami was trying to wrestle back control of Future Industries. Even though she had her own house, she still slept at the island because of almost nightly attempts on her life. That was more important than some bad dreams. I'd told Mako at the South Pole that we would have to wait until things were safer before we got serious. He'd reluctantly agreed, but I regretted that decision sometimes when I woke up crying in the middle of the night.

My mornings always began with a short meeting with the council to restore bending to a small group of approved people. They were all so thankful, and some of them even cried as they bent for the first time in weeks, but all I could remember was the hungry eyes of the ex-benders on the street I'd been told not to help. The council wanted not to give triad members access to powers they'd abused before, but I wasn't sure if their screening process would be effective. Was this only setting us up for more trouble in the city? Still, I couldn't think of any better solution. I kept my mouth shut and just obeyed my orders.

When my own life felt like it was out of my control, it was actually a relief to walk into that hospital room and have some power over what was going on. When I went in that morning, Tarrlok was already awake, and I found myself smiling at him as I came up to the side of the bed. I could already feel myself relaxing as I settled into the routine. I bent the water up to cover my hands as I moved them to his face, and settled in to work.

I had half-expected him to start talking and asking questions like yesterday, but he was strangely subdued and just watched the ceiling as I healed him. The silence was uncomfortable and oppressive, and finally I awkwardly cleared my throat. "Are you feeling any better today?"

He didn't really answer, but his shoulders twitched just a hair. I went back to the healing, but as my hands moved down from his temples to his cheeks, he finally turned his eyes to look at me. "How bad is my face?"

I swallowed hard and put on my most cheerful smile. "Oh, it's not that bad at all!"

"Mmm."

That wasn't even a very good lie. I could feel the scar tissue twist and stretch under my fingers as he talked. Even with the best healing right after he was burned, I wasn't sure he would have ever looked normal again. Now, there wasn't a chance. If I squinted my eyes, I could sort of see the familiar line of his chin and shape of his nose. His eyebrows were starting to grow back in, and there was just enough of his hair left to pull it back into his old hairstyle.

He noticed the way I was looking at him and asked, "What's wrong?"

I jumped and almost dropped the water. "Nothing. If it's alright, we should probably move on to your back. That's gotten less healing than the rest of you, so it's probably a bit fragile. Can you try sitting up on your own?"

He nodded and rolled to his left to prop himself on his elbow. I moved into position to catch him if he fell, but he got most of the way upright before I had to reach in to steady him. I moved the sheet back and slowly slid his legs off the edge of the bed. I carefully let him go, and he wobbled a little, but was able to sit there on his own.

"Would it be better if I held you while I did the healing?"

"Yes, I think so. It's hard to keep my balance."

I stepped in again to put one knee up on the bed, catching him across the chest with my left arm. He wrapped his arm around my back and leaned against my shoulder. I could feel him breathe as I worked, and frowned suddenly. Should his breathing still be this shallow? It was beyond frustrating trying to remember the basics of plain physical healing when I should have been able to bend water in to fix any problems with the touch of a hand. I'd worry about that later. I began the work on his back, and after a few long minutes decided that I wouldn't be able to go the whole day without conversation.

"Tarrlok, if you don't mind me asking, what happened?"

He stiffened. His whole body tensed up against me and when he finally spoke his words were slow and careful. "There was an explosion."

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to." It was true. The council had already guessed that he'd been trying to escape when something went badly wrong, but none of it would affect their plans. Ha, perhaps he should have had the Avatar as a hostage when he headed off to start a new life. I would have been able to protect us better than he could without his bending.

"No," he sighed, "it doesn't really matter. My brother came to Air Temple Island and took me away on a boat. He wanted to start over. Take new identities. A clean slate. Just like our father did."

I didn't pause in the healing, but I'd never listened so hard in my life. Amon was involved? Were they working together? If they were, they I doubted that Tarrlok would hunt down his brother for the city. But then now had it ended? "Did the Equalists get you? They sank almost everything afloat in the bay."

"I did it."

I froze. My hands, my voice, everything shook as I asked, "You did what?"

"I blew up our boat. I killed him."

"Amon is dead?"

He laughed harshly, angrily at that. "Unless he washed up like me and you have him in another room, then yes." His voice was quieter, "We both should have died."

The first tears leaked out of my eyes in silence. Then the first sob tore through me, and an unbearable tension I hadn't been aware of was being released. Tarrlok didn't say anything as I cried, with tears dripping off my chin to land on his back. He was motionless as I wrestled myself under control, tried to focus myself on my task. The work of the moment. Healing. I needed to heal him.

But, Amon. Amon was dead, he was dead. The survivors from the battle were all identified and sorted. The man who haunted my thoughts, my dreams lay dead at the bottom of the bay. Fears of long, hopeless battles, a man who could twist and break me with his bending, it was all for nothing. I wouldn't need to be the Avatar to hunt down a bloodbender, because he was already gone. Tarrlok didn't know of our plans, there was no reason he should lie. Was he even coherent enough to be plotting?

By the time I finished working on Tarrlok's back, I had almost recovered. My hands seemed weak and I could hardly focus on the man before me. I felt a sudden surge of goodwill as I pulled back and he looked up into my face. I had hated and feared him so much, and I still did. I was certain of that. But he had given everything to destroy Amon. How had he even beaten a bloodbender? Especially when he had lost his own bending! It must have been unbelievable. I bubbled over with questions for him, but his face was miserable, and I tried to rein myself in. Think of his needs. What would he want?

"Is there anything you need?"

He thought for a second. "Will I walk again? I haven't been able to look at my feet. I don't know how badly they were burned."

An easy question! I beamed down at him as I answered, "Certainly! Actually if we could get you standing up now and trying to walk, that would be good. I'm guessing that your shoes helped protect your feet, because they were much less burned than your legs. But you'll definitely recover."

I hopped backwards and took his hand as he tentatively slid his feet to the floor. As he leaned forward and tried to rest his weight on them, he started to fall, and I stepped in under his arm to catch him. He leaned heavily on me as I helped him stand upright, and he took his first step forward. I had most of his weight, but he managed to slowly walk in a small circle before he began pulling back towards the bed. I carefully eased him back down, babbling something about exercise and recovering muscle and circulation, but he lay back down on the pillow and put his hand over his eyes.

His breathing was still so shallow. That nagged at me, but I couldn't put my finger on what it could be. I was still bubbling over with energy at the discovery that Amon was gone, but I put on a calm face and sat down on the bed next to his head. With his eyes shut, he moved his hand down to rest on his chest, but I captured it and began the exercises to restore his range of motion. "Is there anything else wrong that you can think of?"

"I don't know. I've been getting cramps in my arms and legs, but I don't know if it means anything. And my breathing feels wrong."

I frowned. Think, think. This would be so much easier if water and instinct could fix it, but that hadn't worked so far. I worked his fingers back and forth as I tried to remember everything I'd learned about burns. So much of what I'd cared about centered around waterbending, but my firebending teachers had tried to teach me how burn wounds could affect a person. I should have listened better. Suddenly I realized what I needed to do and felt the blood drain from my face.

"Oh. Oh."


	5. Chapter 5

Tarrlok

\--

I'd been lost in thoughts of my brother, but my eyes flew open at her exclamation. "Korra, what's wrong?" Surely it wasn't the cramps. I hadn't mentioned them because I was positive they were just due to lying in bed for days on end. "What is it?"

She was back to not looking at me in the eyes. Her hands still manipulated my fingers back and forth, but it was easy to tell that her attention was elsewhere. I watched her, but she looked anywhere but my face. Finally she dropped my arm and bent some water out of the bowl and around her hands, running them up and down her body. Her face was unhappy, and I wondered what it could be. The scars were nothing new, and I couldn't think of what else could be wrong. Finally, she turned to look at me.

"I think... It's hard to remember; it was so long ago. But when you're recovering from burns the scars tend to tighten during the early healing." She put a hand on my chest. "You were burned over so much of your body, that it's like a noose. You can't breathe well because the scars are too tight around your chest. And it's cutting off blood flow to your arms and legs."

Well, that was worse than I could have anticipated. I'd be even more of a broken cripple than I'd thought. "And this doesn't improve with time?"

She bit her lip. "Not on its own. There's a way to release the scars, but it's usually done earlier. When things are more fresh. This could have been very bad. I should have realized..."

I tried to wave her off, "It's in the past. What do you need to do? Or are there any healers here trained to do it?"

"No," she shook her head, "I'm the only one treating you. They're all still dealing with the injured from the battle." I noticed that she didn't specify that they were healing the loyal citizens, not the dangerous bloodbender. "What I need to do is cut through the scar tissue. Here, here," She ran her hands down my arms and legs. "Across your chest. Maybe your neck and hands. Hand." Her cheeks were red as she turned away.

"I'm assuming that you can heal the cuts as you go." She nodded, and I sighed, "If it relieves some of the pain, it will be worth it."

She smiled at my agreement. After pulling the sheet off my bed to examine the burns one last time, she left the room and returned a few minutes later with a small knife. She looked pale, but her hands were steady as she positioned the knife along the back of my hand. She made the first cut slowly, and I was surprised at the sudden pain. I could feel the sensation of burning that never left, but not the edge of the knife against my skin. But as it pressed deeper, I could feel the cut begin to hurt. The edges of the would bulged outward as the knife moved on, and blood welled out to drip onto the bed.

Korra shuddered, but moved down to my hand and made quick cuts up and down the edges of my fingers. I gasped at the sudden release of pressure I felt, and as soon as she leaned back I bunched my hand into a fist. The cuts suddenly gaped wide open, and my hand was soaked in blood. Korra gagged once, then had to look away as she bent water over to close the wounds.

I looked up at her with concern and said, "Are you alright? That feels much better. You don't have to go on if you don't want to."

She looked down and tried to smile. "No, it isn't so bad. I'll get used to it." Her voice shook, but as she stopped the bleeding and finished spinning fragile new scars over the wounds, she picked up the knife again and moved to my upper arm. The same procedure was repeated on my arms and upper legs, but thankfully my feet did not need the same treatment. The cut of the knife followed by the soothing sensation of healing was strangely relaxing. There was the rush of pain as the knife passed beyond the scar tissue, then the exhilarating release as the wound opened and freed me. Then her gentle hands pressed against me, bending the cold water against my skin.

However, when she moved to my neck, her face looked paler than ever and I could see her hands trembling as she adjusted her grip on the knife. I felt a sudden stab of remorse at what she was being forced to do. I managed to lift my hand to weakly grip her arm. "Korra, you don't have to do this."

She shook her head, "No, it's so close to being done. And when I heal it, I can feel how much better it is for you. After this, there's only your chest left, and then you'll be able to breathe again." She looked down at my neck, and after a moment I let my hand drop again.

Those two cuts were quickly finished, but she had to stop and examine my chest before she moved forward with that. She hesitated as she positioned the knife, moved it further to the side, and then back to its original position. That was enough to make me a little nervous, but surely if anyone knew what they were doing, it was Korra. She'd done so much for me already. I would surely be dead if she hadn't healed me.

Finally, she made one long cut across the center of my chest, two down along the sides, and one more across my torso near the bottom of my ribs. I took an experimental breath and felt my chest expand freely for the first time since I awoke. The edges of the wounds split apart and blood began to pour from them faster than any of the others. Korra quickly bent the water over and began closing them, but I realized that the entire bed had been soaked with my blood.

I knew that I should be suffering from the new trauma to my battered body, but I felt better than I had since I came to this place. The cuts hurt, the burns hurt, but my skin was less painfully tight and I could move and breathe with more ease. Korra told me I'd have to move out of the bed so the bloody sheets could be removed, and when she helped me walk the short distance to the chair she used during healing, my steps were far more steady than they had been the day before.

I sat there as she left the room to get assistance, but I worried as she walked away. It seemed like she'd been affected by the procedure more than me. Even as a helpless invalid, I continued to make her life unpleasant. She returned with several servants who quickly bundled the stained bedding away and made up the bed with fresh sheets. They all gave me a wide berth, but I could understand that. I was a terrifying criminal, not a powerless hospital patient who couldn't even feed himself. Truly they should fear me.

As Korra slid under my arm to guide me back to bed, my mind raced to think of some way to distract her. Unfortunately, nothing came to me. It wasn't as if anything new happened here for me to talk about. Instead I watched her as she went back over the new scars, healing them and persuading the wounds to close more completely. One hand rested on my chest, and I was hypnotized by its measured rise and fall with my breathing. The work moved slowly, but it must have been difficult to build scars on top of so much already-damaged tissue. Perhaps an hour passed quietly that way as she worked, and as she sank into the old routine I saw her face clear and the uncomfortable stiffness leave her body.

Finally, she turned to me with a question. "You killed Amon?"

Reluctantly, I said, "Yes." This was not a topic I'd hoped for.

"How did you manage that?"

"There were chi-blocking gloves. He might have expected a direct attack, but not the boat's engine. It was too fast." There, that was all that happened. Please, please stop asking.

"Why?"

"It had to be done. He wouldn't have stopped, not ever."

"But he was your brother."

I sighed. "He used to be my brother. I don't know what he became. To practice bloodbending, to perfect it to that degree and turn it against the world... It wasn't right. Should we have let him continue on in that way? No prison would have held him."

She frowned at that. "You were a bloodbender."

"I didn't want to be! I spent decades, decades of my life trying to leave that behind me. I was forced to learn it, forced to use it. After my father was gone, I had never planned to ever use it again. I didn't, not until that night."

I could tell that didn't satisfy her. What more did she want? One moment of desperation, and my life had collapsed around me. Had she expected me to lie down and take my punishment? Was it so despicable to try to protect myself? Well, yes. I'd gone about it badly, and I would regret what I'd done for a very long while. The silence stretched on as I searched for some way to express to her the self-loathing I'd had to carry since I was only a child. I'd buried my past so deeply that I had honestly felt it was gone. But the moment I was threatened, really threatened, there was the moment of truth. I was no better than my father. Worse. Where he'd committed atrocities for his grand sweeping goals, I'd committed them to save my own skin. I turned away, shut my eyes, and muttered one last thing.

"We were both supposed to die."

I felt her stop moving at that. There was a small splash of water returning to the bowl and then silence. I stayed where I was. I didn't want to see the condemnation in her face. Instead, I heard her shift, and then her arms were wrapping carefully around my shoulders and pressing me softly to her chest. She let go almost immediately, and when I turned in surprise to look at her, she was bustling about her work and avoiding my eyes again.

She was quiet for the rest of the healing, and I had too much to think about to start a conversation. I managed to sit up on my own to eat, and I think I might have been able to manage the spoon, but she kept control of it. There was meat and bread to go with the soup today, and she rambled on happily about regaining lost weight and muscle. I could not tell if I only imagined the slight blush on her cheeks as she fed me. For a while, I tried to protest against the medicine that night, but she told me she I would probably lie awake in pain all night without it. I thought that I was beginning to adjust to the constant ache in my body, but she was the healer. If I couldn't believe her, who could I believe? Finally, I simply said, "I trust you," and drank it down. As I lay back, I watched her face until my eyes finally drifted closed and I sank into sleep.


	6. Chapter 6

Korra

\--

"I trust you." Those words stayed with me for a long time. He trusted me. He shouldn't. I'd thought I felt guilty about his arm, about the pain he was still experiencing. That was nothing compared to this. He trusted me, and I was about to tell Tenzin that Amon was gone and the trial could take place immediately. How long, before he was sentenced? Chief Beifong could easily confirm he was telling the truth, and then he would have to face the punishment for his crimes. Without a hunt for Amon, there was no need to heal him. Would the council send me to a different job tomorrow? All this, and he trusted me.

I was quiet and withdrawn throughout dinner, but today it was because I was too caught up in my thoughts and emotions, not like the other days when I had been exhausted and drained. I jumped when Tenzin asked me how Tarrlok was, and before I knew what I was doing, I had spun a story about how hard it still was for him to even sit or talk. Out of nowhere, I had details about complications from the amputation and what might be permanent troubles with his legs. The lie sounded weak and shaky to my ears, but everyone at the table just nodded and the conversation moved on. That was at least one more day for me to wrestle with what I was had to do. I left early, and Mako's eyes followed me out, but Pema was the one who got up and came after me.

"Korra, let's walk outside for a while. The air is so clear tonight." She took my arm before I could answer and turned me toward a door. As we stepped onto the path, she spoke without turning to me. "You're not doing well." A statement, not a question.

"No," I admitted. Was it really that obvious? I thought I'd done better at acting normal.

"Would you like to talk about anything?"

I paused for a moment, then plunged ahead. "Pema, what's the right thing to do? I don't understand! There's so much wrong in the city. Everywhere. But I can't tell who's right!"

She sighed and patted my arm. "That's the trouble, I'm afraid. It's just not that simple."

"Then what do I do?" I knew there was no answer.

"I think it's one of the downsides of being in a position like yours. I couldn't handle being asked to find the best path forward through an ugly situation. Perhaps it might help if you thought about it less as Korra, and more as the Avatar."

"I'm a proper Avatar, and that's not doing any good. I mean, I could use more training in airbending, but I don't think that will make much of a difference here."

"Korra-" She paused. "Would it have been so bad if you hadn't regained your bending?" I jumped. What had she guessed?

"Of course! Bending all four elements is the definition of the Avatar!"

"There's more to it, though. Balance. Harmony. The bending is just one means to those ends." I knew she was right, but how could anyone live an abstract word like that? The bending was something tangible, something real. "I know you love to bend, but have you put much thought into how to maintain peace in the world? Fighting Amon has been one way to do that, but there's more to it than that."

"I know, but how do I tell what I should do?"

"At a time like this? I'd look to find problems and correct them. Even the Equalists had some points that the council should have listened to. The city is still feeling aftershocks, and things could tip badly in either direction. Keep the peace, but be fair and just. I know you're young, but people will respect the Avatar."

We were coming back to the temple door by then, and I had so much I wanted to ask, but nothing that I could put into words.

"How do I define justice?"

"However you think is best, I'm afraid. Korra, I know you haven't been afraid to speak up before when you've seen something wrong. Don't lose that now."

Meelo and Ikki were waiting to pull her away as soon as we passed through the door, and I turned toward my room with a private sigh. Nothing was easy. There wasn't anything to tell me what I should do. There were no clear decisions. No matter what I did, it felt like half the world would turn against me.

I didn't even see Mako where he leaned against the wall, and I jumped and yelled as he reached out to touch my arm. He stepped closer, apologizing, and I tried to get my thoughts back to the present.

"Korra, what's wrong?"

"I-"

He cut me off before I could lie. "Don't tell me that it's nothing. I know that's not true. Korra, I'm just worried about you."

I had the smile carefully arranged by then, but even I could feel that was a bit weak. "Mako, it really isn't anything serious. It's just all this." I gestured widely. "Everything. Nothing we can do about that."

"Is it the work with Tarrlok? I know that has to be hard for you. Surely by now they could find another healer to take over."

"No! No, it's still very delicate. And I'm not just using waterbending healing either. Even if someone else came in, I'd have to stay for days to teach them what I've been doing."

It was hard to deflect his questions, but I managed to finally convince him I was just tired. I slipped past him and slumped against the door to my room as I closed it. There was just so much to think about. What should I do? I kicked my shoes off into a corner and collapsed onto my bed, not even bothering to pull down the sheets. The city was collapsing. Amon was dead. And Tarrlok trusted me.

I buried my face in my pillow while I tried to sort out all that I felt. It was shocking and uncomfortable to understand that the first thought in my head was to protect Tarrlok. Hours ago, I'd been certain that the death penalty was all he deserved. I had been certain, right? But what he'd done. Amon was gone, and Tarrlok had nearly killed himself to do it. He lay in that bed at this moment, broken beyond repair, because I couldn't admit to any faults in my bending. His bending was gone, and he wouldn't be able to hurt anyone in his current state. He still needed to face his crimes, but death? Did he deserve that after everything he'd been through? If anyone had been hurt by his bloodbending, it was me, and I realized that I didn't want him to die.

The council would never agree. Even Tenzin was agreed with the others that such a dangerous man needed to be killed. There hadn't even been an argument before they'd decided that. He might get a trial, but it would be a joke. As soon as I told them that Amon had been killed, they'd take him into custody. No need to heal him for that. I'd told Tenzin he wasn't able to talk, but the longer I left this, the longer I risked someone else asking him what happened. No matter what he'd done for the city, I doubted that anything would be able to outweigh that label of 'bloodbender' in the council's eyes. Well, this was part of my Avatar duties then, wasn't it? This was an injustice that I could correct. I'd give him a voice. I could be the one to speak for him.

I had a quick thought of Tarrlok healed and living in his old mansion, and reality caught up with me. He'd never be safe there. The benders and the nonbenders were still fighting, but they'd both turn on him in a heartbeat. Could I bring him to Air Temple Island? Tenzin would never allow it, and I'd never be able to hide it from him. The police would answer to the council. I couldn't think of a single place in the city where he could safely live. Even the fact that he was in a hospital was a secret to the general public.

It took a long time for the answer to come to me. If he couldn't be safe in the city, I need to take him out of it. Could I do that? I'd have to. The North Pole. Surely his own country would protect him after what he'd done for the world. He had been a bloodbender, but that was gone now. And besides being the Avatar I was the chief's niece, and I could definitely get an audience with him and be heard. When I finally prepared for bed and extinguished my lamp, I felt more at peace than I had in weeks. I was restless as I lay down to sleep, my head buzzing until the last with plans for the next day.


	7. Chapter 7

**Korra**

\--

                Unfortunately, I'd only thought of problems and not solutions when I woke up in the morning. I needed to get Tarrlok away from the city, and soon. I probably had days at most before Tenzin caught on to my lies and told the council how well my patient was doing. I needed to get him out today if I could, but I still only had wild ideas that would never work. If anyone in the city would help me, it would be Mako, Bolin, and Asami. But I couldn't tell them the truth and risking that they wouldn't be convinced. They were as opposed to bloodbending as all of us in the city, but I wouldn't know without trying that my reasons were enough to convert them.

                I stewed over the problem as I ate. I couldn't really believe that my Avatar ideas about justice and such would really be enough to get them to help me run away from Republic City to help a bloodbender. I did feel a little guilt over abandoning the city, but I was the Avatar for more than this one place. I was the world's Avatar. I could just leave for a little while and come back. I'd do this one thing and go back to my duty.

                The answer finally hit me as I was preparing to take the ferry to the mainland. The truth wasn't really that important here, was it? I only had to convince people that this was the right thing to do, which I truly believed it was. I just had to trick them into doing it. I squirmed with impatience while we were still under Tenzin's watchful eye. He couldn't hear what I was planning; he was too loyal to the council's goals. When I was stepping onto the boat with Naga and the others, Tenzin finally left to fly Oogi into the city. I pulled Mako aside to a corner away from the others.

 

                "Mako, I have a favor to ask. Could you, Bolin, and Asami meet me at the hospital tonight before going back to Air Temple Island? It won't take long."

                "Korra, what are you planning?"

                "I can't tell you right now." I definitely couldn't. I hadn't worked out exactly what I was going to say yet. "I promise, though. I'll explain everything tonight."

                "You're making me nervous. Is something wrong?"

                "Nothing! Everything is fine, it really is. But this is important. I need all of you to help me."

                "Korra. I wish-- I feel like you don't trust me anymore. You don't talk to me, and I _know_ everything isn't alright."

                "I promise, I'll tell you everything when we meet up. And I do trust you. You'll see when I explain what's going on. Just come to the hospital and I'll meet you in the courtyard where Naga stays."

                He still looked unhappy, but I gave his hand one quick squeeze before the ferry docked and we drifted apart. He'd understand tonight. I finally had some idea of what I was supposed to do, and I was surprised to notice a new bounce in my step as I led Naga onto the road and jumped onto her back. I arrived at the council hall feeling more cheerful than I had in weeks and sped through the bending restorations of the day before heading to the hospital.

                I did get a nasty shock when I walked into Tarrlok's room. He was out of bed and standing in the far corner of the room with his hand on the wall to steady himself. I rushed over to duck under his arm to support him and scolded him for his lack of caution while I led him back to bed. He should have been more careful! It was much too early for him to be doing this. He weakly tried to defend himself for a moment, but by the time I had seated him down on the bed he was apologizing. He said he'd felt much better after what I'd done yesterday, but I still didn't want him to be putting that kind of stress on his body.

                However, after all that, I realized that it really was probably for the best if he was able to practice walking on his own. I hadn't figured out how to safely bring him to the North Pole without being caught, and in all likelihood he'd need to walk for at least some of the journey. If he could stand on his own already, it probably wasn't bad at all for him to be doing so. After a moment of silent arguing with myself, I sheepishly told him that it would actually be good to get some walking practice, but _only_ while I was there to help him.

                The morning healing was a bit of a blur because I was caught up with my planning. Tarrlok asked a few questions I didn't even remember later, but I had too much to think of to focus on him right now. How could I convince Mako, Bolin, and Asami that saving him was right? The biggest thing was that they needed a reason to want him alive. After so long in this room with him, I could feel the weight of what he'd sacrificed to kill Amon, but would that be enough? The plan was to use him to kill Amon, then execute him anyways, so I couldn't be certain. Actually, though... nobody but the two of us knew about Amon. Everybody else thought he was out there somewhere, just waiting to come back.

                That was the start of it all. I built the story up in my head as I did the healing work. I think that Tarrlok stopped trying to talk to me eventually, but I was locking down all the small details. I tried to think of any argument my friends could bring against my reasons, and then thought of the most persuasive response. My original hopes had been for Asami to get us a ship to sail north, but I didn't think that would actually work. The Fire Nation navy was still mobilized and patrolling the oceans and if we were caught out there, we'd have nowhere to hide. Perhaps an airship would work? But I wasn't at all familiar with how they worked, and it would be easy to spot us. It would have to be an overland trip then. There would be cover and hiding places. It would take longer, but it would be easier to disappear, especially if nobody knew where I was going to go.

                It was after noon when I finally had everything planned out to my satisfaction. I brought Tarrlok a meal of real food today and carefully cut his meat into bite-sized pieces before putting it on his bedside table, but he ate it himself instead of being fed it. I hovered over him as he finished the food, and he actually laughed and teased me for the look on my face. I found myself smiling back at him, and then after I'd removed the dishes it was time for him to practice walking.

                I'd wanted him to use me as a support to get upright, but went straight from sitting on the edge of the bed to standing upright. He looked a little shaky to me, but he waved me off when I tried to step under his arm.

                "Korra, I can do this on my own. Really, even if I fell you could just fix me up."

                I circled him anxiously as he took careful steps around the room. At one point he turned for the door and reached for the latch, but I had to step in and stop him.

                "I'd just hoped to find a window. I haven't seen the sunlight in so long..."

                "It probably isn't for the best right now. It would worry the others."

                "Because I look like this? Or because it's me?"

                "Well, probably both. But also you still don't have clothing."

                He stuttered to an embarrassed stop at that. To tell the truth, I'd forgotten it too until that moment. I'd need to find clothing for him before we made the escape. What else had I forgotten? We should bring all the supplies we could. There was so much to worry about. Hopefully Mako and the others would have some ideas and would see the things I'd missed. Tarrlok was walking better than I'd expected though.

                I spent the rest of the day focusing on healing his legs and core muscles. The work went well, but I think Tarrlok could tell that something was off. He tried asking several times what was going on, but I put him off with little non-answers. He gave up on the questions, but watched me suspiciously for most of the afternoon. I was too distracted to get involved in much conversation. I was too focused on the upcoming argument with my friends. After he ate dinner, Tarrlok tried to refuse to take his medicine again.

                "Korra, really. I want to try sleeping without it."

                "Well you can't." That was true. I needed him to be solidly unconscious before I brought Mako, Bolin, and Asami in here. "Which one of us is the healer, now?"

                "You didn't even think about giving it to me until I asked for it."

                That was a low blow. "Well I'd never seen someone who needed pain medicine before! I'm sure I'd think of it _now_ , and I'm just as sure that I'll know when you're ready to stop taking it. I've been trained by the best healer in the world."

                He was clearly unhappy with my response, but that was too bad. There was still damage that must be hurting him I was managing to undo, and the less pain he was experiencing, the easier that made both our lives. Finally, he drank it, and it was only minutes before he lay back asleep on the bed. I carefully pulled the sheet halfway up his chest, stopping where the burn and knife scars on his chest were exposed. I gingerly took the stump of his right arm and arranged it so it would be the first thing anyone saw when they looked in from the door. I laid his other arm on top of the sheet so that they could see the twisted fingers of his hand.

                Finally, I rushed down to Naga so I could meet the others. Asami was already there, and she was plainly curious, but I wasn't going to explain anything until I was sure we wouldn't be overheard. We made small talk and I petted Naga until Bolin and Mako arrived together, and then I led them all back through the hallways to Tarrlok's room. I took one last look up and down the hall before I shut the door, but it was completely empty.

                When I turned around, they were all clustered near the bed and exclaiming over how awful he looked. Excellent. I was used to it after spending so much time with him, but the scars really were horrific. I cleared my throat and everyone turned toward me, but their eyes never left Tarrlok.

                "So we all know that the council has been planning to use him to track down Amon. It's a weak lead, but it's the best that we've got." They all nodded. We'd heard the plans through Tenzin often enough. "Well I've heard some things at the morning meetings that make me think they're having second thoughts. The damage from the burns was so bad and the healing has been so slow that they're wondering if he'll ever recover enough to be of any use."

                They were still nodding along with me. Excellent. "I disagree. It's not like he has to be very strong to bloodbend. And any advantage we can get over Amon there will be a huge help. But I'm worried that the council is just going to skip straight to trying him for treason."

                "They won't listen to you?" said Bolin. "You are the Avatar."

                I made a face. "They think I'm too young to have real opinions. They say that I'll learn with time. If I directly oppose them, I'm afraid they'll be too careful and I won't be able to do anything.

                Mako turned and looked me dead in the eyes. "Korra, exactly what are you planning to do?"

                The moment of truth. "I need to get Tarrlok out of the city." I could see them all opening their mouths to interrupt me and cut them off. "Hear me out! Republic City wants to put together a force to hunt down Amon, but how effective will that be? It's a _city_. They don't have an army and he could be anywhere in the world. But I know who could put together an army and would be especially interested in finding a rogue bloodbender."

                "The Water Tribe," Asami said.

                "Exactly. In fact, I think there's a good chance that Amon is hiding at one of the poles. He could blend into his own people better than anywhere else. And if nothing else, Sifu Katara is the only other known person who can bloodbend"

                "So why did you bring us here?" Bolin had been nodding agreement from the start and Asami looked mostly convinced, but Mako was still skeptical.

                "I need your help. Tarrlok isn't doing quite as badly as I told Tenzin, but he's not great. I want to contact the North Pole and the South Pole, and get Tarrlok to someplace safe while things get organized."

                Asami cut in, "You need a ship."

                "Not quite. I need you three to take a ship, and I need a fast Satomobile. If you three head toward the North Pole, I can take Tarrlok and drive toward the South Pole."

                "Hold on, we're going to split up?" asked Bolin.

                "Bo, wait. We're not necessarily doing _anything_ yet," said Mako.

                "I can explain. If we can win over the two tribes, I'm sure Tenzin will listen to us once we get a chance to talk to him. While we're in the city he'll be loyal to the council, but when we take things out of the city he'll have to hear us out. That would give us backing from three out of five nations. I need someone I trust to contact one tribe while I talk to the other. I don't know how to use a ship, but I can at least drive a Satomobile."

                "I am _not_ comfortable leaving Future Industries behind while I run halfway across the world."

                "I know, and I'm very sorry to ask you all to do this. But this is the first time I've really _felt_ that this is something I need to do as the Avatar. It's bigger than me, it's bigger than the city. I have to try anything I possibly can to do what I know is right."

                "Hmm. If you took a Satomobile, you know there isn't anywhere to refuel very far outside the city, right?"

                "Asami! You'll do it?"

                "I'm _thinking_ about it. What are you going to do about gas?"

                "I'd bring as much as I could with me, and when I ran out I'd have to leave the Satomobile behind. Then I'd either buy a cart or we'd walk south until we had to catch a boat."

                She sighed, "Korra, I'm not at all happy with this, but I know Amon needs to be stopped. Mako, Bolin, will you help me?" The two boys nodded. "I'm only saying yes because with the newest ships we should be able to get north in a matter of days. If you are saying as the Avatar that this is what we need to do, I'll trust you."

                Mako interjected, "It's not quite that simple. What happens when the city finds out Tarrlok's gone missing?"

                I winced. "A chase, I imagine. They won't want to let him get away."

                "You mean they'll chase _us._ "

                "Probably, yes. Actually, that was another thing. I'm really sorry to ask this, but can you also bring Naga with you? Let me explain. I was guessing that Asami can probably get a ship that's faster than most of what the Fire Nation navy is using, right?" Asami nodded. "If Naga's with you, she'll be easy to spot from a distance. If they assume I'm with you, then Tarrlok must be with you as well. Hopefully that will give us a little more time to get away."

                Bolin's voice was incredulous, "You're using us as a diversion?"

                "Only because I know you can travel much faster than me! While you're outrunning them to the North Pole I can put a little more distance between me and the city. If I get caught with Tarrlok trying to run away, I doubt they'll bother with a trial. They'll just fight to kill."

                Mako rubbed his forehead as he spoke. "As much as I hate to say it, it sounds like you've thought this through pretty well. Is there anything else?"

                "Yes. I'm not trying to turn us into martyrs for his sake. If things go badly and you do get caught, tell them that Tarrlok persuaded me to give back his bending and immediately bloodbent me and forced you all to help him. Make me out to be a gullible idiot, but I'm not asking you to sacrifice yourselves."

                "That isn't a real risk, right?" asked Bolin. "Does he know you can restore bending?"

                "No, and I plan to keep it that way. He doesn't know that he's going to be used to hunt down Amon, and I'm going to leave things like that until there are benders in place to control him. Sifu Katara especially. I'll make up some story about why we have to run, but I'm not going to give him any power over me."

                They all looked relieved at that, and we left the hospital with Naga quietly sorting out the smallest details of the plans. Asami thought that she could have the ship and Satomobile ready and stocked with supplies by tomorrow night, which was perfect for my plans. I didn't know how long I could lie to Tenzin about Tarrlok's condition and the sooner I could leave the better. Things were moving so smoothly that I almost couldn't hold back a triumphant grin at dinner. Everything was going as well as I could have possibly hoped. Tomorrow would see me and Tarrlok free of the city and the dangers it held.


	8. Chapter 8

Tarrlok

\--

I was determined to get some answers from her. She had put me off yesterday, but everything about her manner was unbearably suspicious. I was thinking much more clearly than I had before and this bare room left me nothing to do but dwell on my own thoughts. Why hadn't I heard anything about the city at large? Surely I would have to account for what I'd done, but she hadn't said a word about the council. What was going to happen to me? The Equalist revolution had clearly failed, but was the city at peace? How much damage had my brother done before he fled? There was too much to ask her. I could not be put off any longer with half-answers and vague reassurances. Especially after the way she'd behaved the day before, I had to have explanations.

The more I thought about it, the more the situation irritated me. No matter what she'd told me yesterday, I was going to walk. Did she expect me to do nothing but lie and stare at the ceiling until she arrived? If I did fall and somehow hurt myself, she'd be able to heal it. My legs felt even steadier than they had the day before. My pace was slow and it was strange to have only one arm to balance with, but I felt no dizziness as long as I didn't look down. I could feel my steps gaining confidence and smiled to myself as I circled the room. Korra finally opened the door when I was standing right next to it, and she jumped and yelped to find me so close.

I made a shallow formal bow to her. "Good morning, Korra."

She began to scold my lack of caution again, but I hardly heard her words. She had a large bag slung over her shoulder that looked suspiciously familiar. It looked identical to a pack I kept in my closet in my own home. I cut her off. "Korra, where did you find that?"

She looked down guiltily. "Oh, this? Well... in your house."

"What? Why?" I reached for it. "What do you have in there?"

She tossed it carelessly into a corner and tried to turn me back to the bed. "You don't need to worry about that. It's nothing."

"No, I don't think so. Korra, I will have answers. What were you doing in my house? Can I presume that the bag has more things that you've stolen from me?"

"Hey!" she bristled, "I got you clothing! Don't you want to wear your own clothes?"

I deflated at that. Of course she'd been thinking of me. "I thought that you said that I shouldn't bother with clothes because of the healing. I'm surprised my house isn't under lock and key, though. Or looted."

"Oh, it was definitely guarded! I just had to sneak in."

"Couldn't you have just asked? I can't imagine it would have been such an issue to get an outfit from my closet." She ignored that, pushing me back toward the bed more firmly than before. I turned to go and tried with another question. "May I get dressed, then?"

"Later, we have things to take care of first."

"First? Before what, exactly?" She tried to pretend she hadn't heard again. "Korra."

"Later! I'll tell you later. Really. You said you trusted me! Besides, we haven't done any healing yet today."

I sat down on the bed with ill grace. I watched her as she worked, and she determinedly ignored the glower on my face. Why was she focusing on my legs? Those were the least serious burns. I'd rather have a functional hand or something closer to a normal face. She hummed a little song as she walked around the foot of the bed to climb up and heal my back. I wondered if I could make it to the bag in the corner before she caught me, but I rather doubted it. Finally, she came around to my front again and did a quick run over the rest of me before she backed away.

"There! You can get dressed now."

"And I can go outside?"

"No, not yet. Later!"

"You keep saying later, Korra, and it's getting old. I do not appreciate being treated like a child."

She seemed a little flustered at that and turned away to sort through the bag. "Here, try putting this on." Although she tried to help me stand and step into the clothing, I took it from her and tried to do it myself. I managed to brush her off and awkwardly pulled on the underwear and pants, but I had to stop when it came to the belt. She stepped in to tie that for me and took up the shirt. She slid my arms into the sleeves and stepped in to fasten the front. When I sat and bent forward to put on a sock, there was a sudden sharp stab of pain in my back and made me straighten and cry out. I didn't protest when Korra knelt to put on the socks and shoes. I stood again and turned, looking down at myself. It almost felt like I was normal again. Except for the empty sleeve hanging at my right side and the scarred left hand on the other, I looked much as I had before the explosion. Loose hair fell down into my face and I shook it back over my shoulder.

Korra dove back into the bag and pulled out a comb and something small that she hid in her hand. "I found this in your room too," she teased, holding out three blue hair ties. "Luckily you didn't lose all your hair, or I don't know what we would have done." I sat back down on the bed and she climbed up to kneel behind me. It was relaxing beyond measure to close my eyes as she brushed out the tangles and smoothed it down. I felt her fingers brush the side of my face as she pulled my hair back into its old style. It was strange to have so little weight, but it was good to have it back in the way I'd always worn it.

"Now I can go out?"

"Not yet! We can't until tonight. After it's dark. But I can get you something to eat now."

I sighed. "Fine, Korra. Fine."

"Don't be like that. But I have to leave for a little while, and I need you to promise that you won't go out until I'm back."

"I expect that you won't explain if I ask why, so do what you will."

"I promise you'll be happy with me later."

I made no reply, so after a moment's silence she left the room and brought back a tray of hot food. She put it down on the table, and picked up my bag again. She took out one of my coats and put the bag over her shoulder again. He gave me one last look, but I carefully had my eyes on my meal and saw her shrug as she turned to walk out into the hallway.

How long would she even be gone? If this was lunch, even a late lunch, there would be hours until I could leave. Still, maybe this meant that I wouldn't have to take the medicine tonight. As much as it helped with the pain, I didn't like the way it knocked me unconscious. I looked sourly around the bare room. Yes, I definitely could use more time all alone with nothing to do.

After I finished eating, I got to my feet and walked for a little while, but even that diversion was getting old. If I went out, someone would surely tell Korra I hadn't listened to her. It wouldn't be at all difficult to identify the wayward patient in the halls. Perhaps... I stopped and tried to step through the most basic waterbending form I knew. It was stiff and clumsy. My posture was awful and I had to make adjustments for my missing arm, but it was a relief to return to that familiar exercise. Even if the water wouldn't answer to me any longer, it felt wonderful to work through those familiar moves.

I went from that form to others. I must have passed hours in that way, and when Korra came back through the door she was surprised to see me like that. She immediately slid in under my arm and helped me back to the bed even though I protested that I was fine, just a little tired. When I'd sat down I saw that she'd added another bag to the other and both were stuffed to bursting. What on earth was she planning? The clothes had made sense, but what on earth was going on?

"Korra, are you ready to explain anything to me yet?"

"Of course!" She bent in close and lowered her voice. "Tarrlok, we're getting you out of the city."

"What!? I-"

"No, listen. The council is planning to execute you. They've only been waiting for you to be healed enough to interrogate you about what you know about Amon and the Equalists. Once they know that Amon is dead, they don't have any reason to keep you around anymore. I don' t know exactly what they're planning, but it's going to be ugly. Tenzin is uncomfortable about where it's going, but he's been overruled, and all of them agree that you need to die."

"But... but you're saving me?"

"Yes. This is wrong. Avatar Aang was against killing even when he was facing Firelord Ozai after the complete destruction of the Air Nomads. I will live up to the moral standards he set as the Avatar. Tarrlok, what you did was awful. But you don't deserve death."

"Korra, you don't need to do this."

"I'm sorry, but I think I do. As the Avatar, I know I need to do this."

"If you're certain... if you're really certain, then what are you planning? We're going tonight, I assume." Spirits, this was almost too much to take in. A death sentence, a reprieve. It all came so fast it made my head spin.

She smiled at me. "Yes. We're taking a Satomobile and running for the North Pole. I think we have almost a day before we're definitely missed, and then Asami and my friends are going to be creating a diversion. I think we can do this."

"Are you sure tonight is best? Shouldn't we take more time to plan the details?"

"No, no, we've sorted everything out! Don't worry about it. After it gets we'll meet the others at the harbor, and Asami will give us a Satomobile with supplies. I'll drive through the night. Once we're a ways out of the city, we'll be able to practically vanish. The city doesn't have a very large military force, after all."

"It does sound like you've arranged things well," I said cautiously.

"It'll be perfect! Just an hour more, I think, and we can leave. Actually, let me get your dinner."

She practically ran out of the room, and I tried to let the magnitude of her plans sink in. At least if she was leaving with me like this, the city must have settled from the revolution. If the fate of one man was a concern for the Avatar, there must be wider peace in Republic City. It was a rather cold comfort, because the other side of the situation was that the city seemed to be very occupied with killing me. Still, after all I'd done, she was defying the city to save me. The weight of that decision must have been heavy.

Her return with the food interrupted my thoughts. We made small talk as I ate, but now I could see the way she was tightly wound and could feel a matching tension in myself. Neither of us paid much attention to the conversation, and finally she shouldered the two packs and made her way to the door as I pulled on my coat. She looked up and down the hallway before beckoning me forward. As I followed her through the passageways I was grateful for the walking practice. She set a fast pace, almost too much for me to keep up. Finally, she opened another door and we emerged into a courtyard where her polar bear dog stood to greet us. It was difficult to climb up into the saddle, but she helped me mount and then jumped up ahead of me. I wrapped my arm around her waist as she urged the animal on and it surged forward into the streets.

I had to choke back a gasp of pain at the jolting as we rode for the harbor. I bit my lip and closed my eyes as we went forward, but luckily the trip was short. We finally slowed and stopped in front of a small ship, and I could see three dark figures watching us from the wharf. When I slid out of the saddle my legs almost buckled, and Korra had to jump down and steady me.

As I found my balance, she leaned close to my ear and whispered, "Don't say anything to them. Let me do the talking." I only made a slight nod in response, and she turned to walk to her friends, laughing and waving. I found a short pillar I could sit on as she talked, but it wasn't long before she was coming back to me with one of her friends.

"Naga!" She whistled. "Naga, come here! Listen, you're going to go with Bolin, okay? I'm going to miss you. Be good for him, alright?" She hugged the polar bear dog, burying her face in the long white fur.

The boy turned to her. His voice was low but I could still catch his words. "Korra, are you sure you'll be alright with this guy? You don't want someone else to help you?"

She cut him off with a laugh. "I'll be fine! I told you, everything will work out. Don't worry about it."

He gave me a long hard look before putting his hand on the polar bear dogs shoulder and leading her to the ship. Korra came to me and reached out a hand, I took it and stood, and she turned, taking me toward a Satomobile I hadn't noticed before. The back of the vehicle was filled with gas canisters and packs, and Korra tossed her bags on top before heading for the driver's seat.

"Three of you live on Air Temple Island, don't you? Won't Tenzin be missing you?"

"All of us now, actually. We told him that we'd be spending the night at the Sato estate. He thought we deserved a night to relax and be happy, so he won't be looking for us until tomorrow."

She was craning her head to look down at the pedals and adjusting her seat. A new problem occurred to me. "Korra, do you know how to drive?"

"Of course I do! I drove Asami's Satomobile. I mean, I can't park, but that won't be an issue. When we finally fun out of gas, I'll bury the Satomobile and we'll walk or buy a cart."

She started the vehicle and we accelerated forward with a jolt. As she turned onto a road I could just barely see the other three watching us from the dock. But hadn't we turned the wrong way? "Why are we going South? You said we were going to the North Pole, didn't you?"

"Oh, we are. They just think we're going South."

"What? You lied to them?"

"Only to protect you! If they get captured then they'll be sending the city the wrong direction to look for us. If they don't get captured, there's no harm done."

She took a sharp turn on a side street and then shortly another turn pointed us north. As we moved forward, the rattling of the Satomobile was beginning to give me trouble. I'd wished that Korra would let me stop taking the medicine, but now I regretted pushing that point so hard. I tried to stay strong, but it only got worse as we moved away from the better-paved roads of the city center.

"Korra, I don't suppose you brought a dose of the medicine?"

She glanced over at me. "Of course! I wouldn't forget that. It's in the smaller bag, behind you. I brought enough for days. Don't think you're getting it away from it that easily. You still have to listen to your healer."

All I could feel was gratitude as I pulled the bag over the seat back and opened it to find the water skin sitting on top of the other contents. I opened it and took a swallow, closing it and only just managing to replace it in the bag before I could feel the drug beginning to take effect. I tried to lift the bag back to the back seat, but I was slumping back against the seat and my eyes were sinking shut. I could already feel the pain receding and sighed in relief as I fell asleep to the rhythmic shaking of the Satomobile.


	9. Chapter 9

Korra

\--

I had to admit to myself that I hadn't really understood how long a night was. I'd started the drive full of energy and feeling my heart pounding with excitement, but that wore off quickly. The hours dragged by too slowly and several times I had to shake myself awake when the Satomobile drifted almost off the side of the road. It was so easy to blink and leave my eyes closed for that extra second... I almost regretted having Tarrlok take the drugs. It would have been so much better to have anyone to talk to, someone to keep me awake. Still, it was better if he didn't quite know where we were. I wasn't sure how familiar he was with the roads around the city, and once we were further away I could be the one holding onto the maps Asami had left with us. As long as we were alone together, it was better for me to keep him off balance. I needed to stay on my guard because I wouldn't be completely safe until we got to the North Pole.

When the vehicle stopped responding to the accelerator and we slid to a slow stop, it took an embarrassingly long time to understand what had happened. Oh, the gas. I knew that. I toyed with the idea of taking a nap. Just right here, if I leaned against the back of the seat. The leather was so soft, and it would feel so good if I could just take just an hour... It was the grey pre-dawn light that brought me back to reality. It wouldn't be long at all until I'd be missed at the council hall. How much time would I have before they sent someone to look for me at Asami's mansion? How long before a search party was put together? I slapped my cheeks as I climbed out of the Satomobile to refill the gas tank. It was dismaying to see how much I poured in before it was full. I'd hoped to perhaps be able to drive for two or three days, but we'd be out of fuel by nightfall. Really, I hadn't actually known anything about how far you could drive on a single tank. I should have asked Asami more. What else had I missed?

After a while, Tarrlok began to slowly wake up. It was such a relief to have another person to talk to that I made happy one-sided conversation for a half hour before I noticed how he was doing. His answers were all single-syllable, said through clenched teeth. His eyes were closed and he grimaced every time we hit a bump in the road. I tried to ignore it and kept going in the hopes that he'd loosen up with time, but I finally had to acknowledge that it was only getting worse. I reluctantly told him he should probably take another dose of the pain medicine. For once he didn't argue and was soon unconscious again.

At least now it was bright enough to see the woods around me as I drove. I opened the map against the steering wheel, and as I sped along I tried to estimate how far we'd gotten. It wasn't good. The road eventually would run next to a river and pass through a city, and even with the limited fuel I'd hoped to get to that before we had to abandon the Satomobile. I was worried about standing out too much in a smaller town, and if I bought a cart or riding animals I didn't want to be especially remembered. It would be a long, hard day of walking from where I estimated we'd run out of gas. I looked over at Tarrlok again and groaned. Or days. What kind of pace would he be able to keep? This was quickly falling apart around me. If we'd really been going to the South Pole this trip could have taken over a month. What a disaster.

That left me in a bad mood for the rest of the day, but when the Satomobile finally rolled to a slow stop in the late afternoon I had at least found the river. The reflections of light off the water that I'd seen through the trees had been a relief. We could at least follow that north. It made me nervous how close we still were to Republic City, but with the river as a guide we'd be able to stay away from the road. I hopped out and walked around to Tarrlok's side to wake him up. He was still drowsy from the drugs, but I gently shook him awake. His face was full of pain as he gingerly stepped out of the Satomobile and when he tried to straighten fully I heard him gasp.

I jumped under his arm and helped him sit back down in his seat. He didn't argue when I unbuttoned his shirt and pulled it off, and I bent water out of the skin on my belt as I examined his back. When I went to heal him, it was only superficial. The trip hadn't made his burns worse, they'd just aggravated the pain that they caused anyways. His muscles were knotted tight with tension, and although the work went slowly when I finally pulled away he was able to stand up without obvious pain.

He took a few slow steps away and then turned back to me. " And what happens now?"

It's all the way I planned. Nothing's gone wrong. " I didn't get to sleep last night, so we'll go into the woods and make camp. I just need to bury the Satomobile first."

"Yes, but what about the long term?"

"Oh, we'll just follow the river north. Don't worry about it."

I'd hoped he might keep walking around and leave me to work in peace, but he stayed where he was and watched me. I dragged my feet as I tossed the packs and supplies from the back of the vehicle to the side of the road, but there was no reason to put it off any longer. I stood a few yards back from the Satomobile and collected myself. I took a deep breath and stomped a foot on the ground. The vehicle wobbled as a crack spread under its side and gaped open, but the hole wasn't large enough for it to fall in. I kicked the earth again, and it creaked as the hole widened. The Satomobile finally tipped over sideways and there was a metallic crunch as it fell into the pit.

Good. Now just to close it. I brought my hands together, feeling the weight of the rock I was trying to shift. The edges of the hole closed again, but I groaned as I looked at it. One side of the seam sat inches higher than the other. I walked over and slid a foot over the ground, evening it out. There was still a mark where I'd bent the earth, and I ground my teeth in frustration, but it was at least flat. I turned back to Tarrlok, just daring him to say anything, but he was bending and picking up one of our packs.

He couldn't carry as much as I could, but it wasn't hard to distribute the supplies between us. We headed into the woods, and even though he walked slower than I'd hoped, it was faster than I had feared. We found a small clearing set back a ways from the road, and I decided that this would be good enough for the night. He asked if there was anything he could do to help, but I told him I had everything in hand. Despite that, as I set up the tent and bedding, I could see him wandering around and stiffly bending every so often to pick up something small from the ground. When I'd finally set up the tent to my satisfaction, I came out to find him sitting on the ground in front of a small cleared space right in front of the tent flaps and piling up kindling. I frowned. I'd told him I had everything under control.

Before I could say anything, he looked up at me. "Korra, it looks like it might rain tonight. Is there any chance you could earthbend a shelter over the tent? Even if it is waterproof it would be better to keep it dry."

The sky was beginning to cloud over. I tried to scramble for some argument, but there was nothing. "Fine," I said shortly and walked slowly around the tent. Just two big slabs of rock. That's all we needed. I bent and forced the earth upward, grunting a little at the effort it took. That wasn't so bad. They were jagged and unfinished, but he probably didn't know earthbending that well. It would do.

"Korra, they don't quite meet at the top. Could you fix that?"

It was only through a supreme effort of will that I bit back a reply. I carefully tried to just curve the rock a little, fuse it together. The whole thing creaked, and for one awful moment I was certain it was about to collapse, but it held. Ha, I could still do it. That had gone much better than I'd been afraid of.

I was so pleased with myself I didn't even argue when Tarrlok asked me to start the fire with bending. It was only a small gesture, just like I'd done a thousand times before, but the flame I started in the kindling suddenly flared up to waist height. Tarrlok, who'd been bending over it, yelled and jumped back. Don't say anything, don't say anything, please don't-

"Is there something wrong with your bending?" Of course he'd ask. I wanted to deny it, but I knew that there wasn't a chance he'd believe me. After a moment of silence, he spoke again. "What happened?"

I shifted uncomfortably. Why didn't I have a lie prepared for this? Probably because I hadn't wanted to think about it. If I ignored it, I could pretend nothing had happened. "Before he was defeated, Amon took my bending."

"What? And you got it back? But how?"

His eyes were so eager that I felt a little guilty that I didn't plan to tell him about my new power. "I don't know. The spirits of the past Avatars appeared to me and restored it. But when I tried to bend again, everything was wrong! It's so hard and I can feel how clumsy I am. It all was so easy before, but I feel like a raw beginner now. And no matter how much I practice, it's not improving."

He didn't have anything to say to that. How could he? What was there that could be said, what reassurances to be given? Even more so than before, I really was a half-baked Avatar. I got food from the packs and we ate in silence. It was almost a relief to have that out between us. I'd spent so much time away from them in the city that even my closest friends hadn't had a chance to notice. I had been afraid to tell Tenzin because everything I said to him could easily be passed along to the council. In desperation, I'd even tried meditating to speak to Avatar Aang, but with no luck.

Right now though, I was too tired to even worry about my secret being revealed. Who would Tarrlok tell? Maybe I'd even be able to sort out my problems before we got to the North Pole. As the sun set, I felt the lack of sleep weighing even heavier on me. I finally told Tarrlok that we should go to sleep, and kicked dirt over the fire instead of trying to bend it again. I made sure that he took another dose of his pain medication, but that was all I had the energy for. I collapsed onto my furs without even bothering to crawl under them and felt my eyes sinking shut before my head even touched the ground.


	10. Chapter 10

Tarrlok

\--

What I felt for Korra was an uncomfortable mixture of pity and envy. I understood what it felt like to lose your bending. To reach out your hand the way you had for years and feel the water answer you. But to get it back, even only a small part of the power you'd held before... Even without an arm, I could have felt complete with my bending. Of course, if only one person were to recover it, it would be the Avatar. She had resources that a normal person could never expect to use. The spirits of dead Avatars returning to advise the present one was well-recorded. If only Avatar Aang had thought of the others affected by my brother. I supposed there was nothing to be done. I'd had plenty of time to adjust myself to existence as a non-bender, and it shouldn't be too hard to move past this.

It wasn't until the following morning when she decided that I should have another healing session before we began walking that something else occurred to me. Why would the council put a half-effective healer to work on me? No, that would be irresponsible. She'd told me how important the council thought it was that I recovered. I could easily have died from my burns. Perhaps her waterbending was fine because she was from the Water Tribe? But that didn't really make sense either. Finally, I had to ask her.

"Korra, if you've been having trouble with your bending, why wasn't your healing affected?"

I felt the her freeze and the water drop from her hands and run down my back before she bent it up again. She was stammering, trying to come up with an explanation, but I already knew whatever she was about to say was a lie. I could hardly believe it, but there was no other explanation. I turned to look at her and saw the truth in her eyes.

"What have you done, Korra? What have you done to me?"

She flushed angry red at that. "I did more than anyone else in the city would have!"

"So the council saw fit to send a damaged, barely competent healer to work on me? I saw the way you treated me! You hated me as much as anyone might. Why wouldn't the council at least order someone capable of doing the healing?"

"No, they-" I waited, watching her closely as the words trailed away.

"Spirits. You didn't even tell the council. The city didn't even know that their Avatar was broken. Oh, but telling them would be out of the question! Much better to lie to your closest allies and friends. What was at stake? Just a man's life!"

She jumped to her feet and began to walk away. I looked down at the empty sleeve by my side and realization dawned.

"Korra." She ignored me. "Korra!" Reluctantly, she turned back. "If your healing had been normal. If you had been able to heal me as well as you should have. Would I still have my arm?"

Her mouth opened but she made no answer. I slowly stood, refusing to break the eye contact I held with her. Finally, she whispered, "I don't know."

I had been so grateful to her, so damned grateful. I had been so close to worshipping the ground that she walked on that I hardly knew what to do with the fury I felt welling up inside of me. "And these scars! I suppose that everything could have gone much better if only I had been given a capable healer. But no! It's better to shield yourself from any questions or criticism. What difference could it make? You only left behind a disfigured, maimed man who might have been made whole!"

That made her angry. She took two quick steps closer. "That wasn't all my fault! I'm still a good healer! They just left you for too long, and I-"

"Korra. You told me I hadn't been found for several days. That doesn't quite sound like what you are saying now. Tell me the truth."

She stood without speaking for a long minute. Her voice when she finally replied was quiet. "They found you while I was at the South Pole to see if Sifu Katara could fix my bending. When they realized it was you, they stopped the healing work. They were going to let you die until they realized you could be useful, and that was when they ordered me to go to you."

That meshed well with the other things she had said about what the council wanted. But it was an uncomfortable feeling. "So what you said about healing me because it was only right-" I didn't need to go on. I already knew what the answer must be. I couldn't continue the conversation anymore. What new ugly things would she tell me if I pressed further? This was already too much to take in.

I didn't help as she packed our bags and dismantled the campsite. She slunk around, watching me when she thought I couldn't see her. She had to help me put my shirt on, but I didn't say a word to her, or her to me. When I finally stood to take up a pack, the expression on her face was uncomfortable, but defiant. We walked on for some time without talking, and it must have been after noon when she cautiously ventured a short opinion of the weather.

I relented only to get my mind off of the morning's revelations. We made small talk that was mercifully devoid of meaningful content. When she distracted me I was almost able to even smile. I wasn't pulled back to reality until I mentioned that she must miss the comforts of the city when she laughed and said, "Oh, no! It's awful in the city right now. It's a relief to get away from everything."

What? "Aren't things more peaceful now that the revolution has been put down?"

"Definitely not! There are gangs of benders and nonbenders on the streets picking fights with each other. It's not safe to be out after dark. It's absolutely awful!"

"Korra! What are you doing here? Why aren't you helping in the city?"

That took her completely by surprise. "Nobody had anything for me to do! They just wanted me to keep healing you, which is what I did."

"You shouldn't be sitting on your heels waiting for orders! You're the Avatar, you should be the authority. Avatar Aang was years younger than you when he began to take on similar responsibilities."

"Well I'm not Avatar Aang," she snapped, "and that was much simpler. Figuring out what he needed to do was easy."

"How much history do you know? Really know? Because stopping the Fire Nation's invasions of the other countries was the only clear-cut part. There were decades of difficult decisions he made after that. None of it was easy. Being the Avatar isn't meant to be easy."

"I found a decision to make! I thought hard about the Avatar's duties, and I looked for something wrong that I could fix. That's why I'm saving your life."

I rubbed the bridge of my nose. There was just too much here to even begin to address it all. "What is more important, a man or a city? Don't answer, that's rhetorical. Really, if things are so unbalanced you shouldn't have spent so much time on my healing. Establishing stability in the city should have been the first priority. It shouldn't take a crisis for you to step forward and do something."

"That's gratitude! If I hadn't healed you or helped you escape, you'd be dead right now."

"Korra. Did you ever consider that I might not mind death? Did you forget that I almost died because of what I did to myself? I killed my only brother and did my best to kill myself too, and frankly, I have some regrets that I didn't succeed." Her face was pale and her lips pursed as she looked away. "Do you think I would be afraid to face my crimes and pay the price? I know what I've done, I can face the consequences! I dedicated my life to the city, and now you think I'd turn away from what I helped build?"

She snorted. "I don't believe you. Nobody would really think like that. And everything you did to me was to save your own skin."

"Then how can I convince you? What stronger language can I possibly use? I have half a mind to turn around for the city right now."

"If you dare do that, I won't go back there for the whole rest of my life. It can burn to the ground for all I care."

My mouth hung open. She was completely serious. Of all the petty, contemptible, immature- How could she say that and mean it? How could she think of herself as the Avatar if this was how she approached the world? Surely this wasn't the same woman who had fought Amon for the city, had even lost her bending trying to stop him. Where was the strength of character I'd seen in her before? It had been an annoyance then, making it harder for me to twist her goals to align with mine, but I had truly admired her. This, this was something ugly and small-minded.

That initial rush of disbelief I'd felt at her words was fading. What could I possibly say to her if she refused to listen? I felt exhaustion weighing down on my shoulders. How could I possibly oppose her? Perhaps it was best to get to the North Pole quickly and convince her to immediately go back south. But that might take too long. If things were so bad in the city, she was by far the best choice to stand between benders and nonbenders.

I stole a sideways look at her as I trudged along. She'd know how many of my measures had been left in place? The curfew, at least? No, it was more likely that everything I'd done would have been dismantled. I passed the hours trying to imagine ways I could persuade her to turn back to the city. It was no good. She'd shown me quite clearly what she thought of my opinions. For the rest of the day I had nothing to think of but how wrong everything was. A damaged Avatar abandoning the part of the world that needed her most to help... me. What a waste. It was almost funny, but I wouldn't have been able to laugh at it. I'd tried so hard to help the city and now all I could do was contribute to its decay.

Korra must have caught some of my mood by the time we made camp, because she tried to distract me with conversation, but I had a hard time responding. I felt so physically and emotionally drained that she sometimes had to repeat a question twice before I properly heard it. When she slid off my shirt my eyes dropped to the stump of my right arm and then rose to her face, but she was carefully looking away. While she bent water over my scars I was hardly able to think of anything except how quickly the healing might have gone normally. The tone of her voice was determinedly cheerful, but I rarely spoke louder than a whisper. Stories about her childhood, her training rolled past me without needing much of an answer. She did the exercises for my hand sitting right in front of me and looking into my face, but I couldn't find the energy to meet her eyes.

Finally, she jumped to her feet and said she was going to catch some fresh fish to cook for dinner. I rose more slowly. I hadn't even noticed how close we were to the river today. She ran down to the water's edge, kicked off her boots, and rolled up her pants before wading in. She walked up the river, bending fish up into the air in globes of water. She let some drop back down and cast others up onto the bank. Watching her work like this, it was obvious that her bending was weaker than it should be. Extra water splashed here and there, and once a fish clearly intended for our meal fell short and flopped back into the shallows.

I began to follow her with a vague idea of collecting the fish to be cleaned and cooked, but when I saw the reflections of the setting sun on the river's surface, I had a different idea. Every time I'd asked she'd refused to give me any particulars of how my face looked. If I had a knife, anything, I might have been able to get a look, but she'd carefully kept everything of that sort in her hands, not mine. When I judged she was sufficiently distracted I moved to the edge of the water and looked down.

Spirits. I'd known it wouldn't be good, but I hadn't really been prepared. As awful as the scars looked on the rest of me, it was a thousand times worse on my face. If I stared, I could only barely make out the familiar lines I'd seen in the mirror for years. The blue eyes staring out from the mess of twisted red scars turned my stomach. The rest of the reflection could almost have been a stranger, but those eyes could only be mine. No wonder she'd taken me out of the city in the night. In daylight there was no chance I could have escaped notice. I was so lost in contemplation of my new face that I hardly noticed the footsteps approaching along the bank.

"Hey," Korra interrupted. She kicked some pebbles into the water, breaking up the reflection. "It's not so bad really." I didn't say anything, just looked at her. She blushed and said, "Well, it is pretty bad, but you get used to it. I hardly notice at all anymore."

"That's why you wouldn't tell me how I looked?"

"I knew you wouldn't be happy. I did the best I could!"

"Mmm." I didn't even have the energy to argue any more. If she didn't have the decency to think about what real healing might have done, what difference could I make? I looked down at the water again, but could make out no detail in the ripples. Korra grabbed my arm and gently pulled me back up the bank. I sighed to myself and let her lead me. She jogged up the river to pick up the fish she'd caught, then rejoined me as we headed back to the camp.

She talked away for the rest of the evening, and I managed to keep her happy with nods and one-word answers. I ate mechanically, hardly tasting the food. She hardly seemed to notice that anything was amiss and scooted around the fire to do the exercises for my hand again. With my arm tucked against her right side, she flexed my fingers back and forth while she told me about a week-long hunting trip she took with her father. I kept a faint smile on my face, but all I wanted was to escape into the tent for the night. The thought of a dreamless sleep was such a relief that I didn't argue when she told me to take the medicine, and I was happy to slip under the furs and close my eyes as the drug took me.


	11. Chapter 11

Korra

\--

How dare he? After everything I'd done for him, this was how he thanked me? I'm sorry, days and days of difficult healing work and a trip north just to save your life isn't good enough? If I'd begun helping him even a day later, he'd have lost more than just an arm. And I was absolutely certain that even without all my bending skill, I was still a better healer than almost anyone else who could have attended him. And blaming me for his arm! It wouldn't have been an issue at all if he hadn't turned the whole city against him by being a bloodbender.

I did feel a little guilt over the injuries he would have to live with. There was nothing else I could have done, but it was painful to see how he was affected. But there was absolutely nothing to his arguments about why I should have stayed with the city. If I'd been called upon to do real bending work, there would have been no way to hide how bad my control was. What would revealing my problems have done but spread unrest? And what decisions could I have made that would have had any effect? I was much better off here. Helping one person was better than none. He didn't have a single real reason I should have stayed there.

When I tried to sleep, the nightmares were back. I must have been too exhausted the night before to dream. When I woke up the next morning I hardly felt rested, but even if I could have stayed in my furs longer I doubted I'd have been able to sleep. I had thought Tarrlok would feel better after a night to sleep on things, but nothing was changed. He was silent through breakfast, and even a direct question barely got more than a muttered, barely audible answer. Well, exercise would help then. It didn't really, but at least it was something to distract me. Still, as the day continued, I was a little worried about how unhappy he looked. The point of Republic City was settled, and there was nothing I could change now about how his burns had healed. I had expected him to adjust, accept the way things were, but he moped as long as we were walking. When I finally decided to make camp, he shook himself a little and asked what he should help with.

"Oh, don't worry about it. It'll just be faster if I do it myself."

Since he was finally willing to talk, I tried again to make conversation, but he was just as unresponsive as before. He sat on the ground and didn't even watch as I moved about the site setting up the tent and furs. It was so irritating that I couldn't help kicking the branches and leaves on the forest floor as I walked down to the river to catch fish for dinner. I'd half expected him to follow me and sulk over his scars some more, so it was a small relief that he stayed behind.

I was happier not to have him watching while I tried to bend the fish out of the water. The clumsy way I'd done it yesterday had been embarrassing enough, but this was so much worse. Here, the current was faster and the water was deeper. It was hard enough to find the fish, but I dropped so many more than I managed to bring to the shore. It was nearly a half hour before I managed to get enough fish to make a decent meal for tonight and the next morning. When I stomped back to the camp I was ready to snap at the smallest irritation, but I hadn't at all expected what I found. Were those... waterbending forms? What? Why?

I jumped in immediately, tossing the fish down next to the fire pit I'd built. Of all the idiotic things! I tried my best to tell him how badly he could hurt himself like this, when he needed to be at his best. And when he couldn't even waterbend anymore, what was the point? There was no point. No reason, nothing to justify this. What a stupid thing to do.

He cut me off with a muttered, "You could just heal me." That brought me up short for a moment, but it wasn't nearly enough to convince me. He'd just spent an entire day trying to make me feel bad about how my bending was damaged. If I had to waste time there fixing him when he'd only hurt himself, it would just take away from any further healing I could do for his burns. He didn't argue with any of my other points as I kept talking, but the way he just looked off to the side and barely seemed to hear only bothered me more.

I was still in an awful mood when I sat down to prepare the fish. It was a pleasure to viciously slice them open and clean them. That worked out a little of the anger. When I lit the fire, instead of being frustrated, I grinned at the way the flame blazed up above head height. While it died down to reasonable levels, I turned to find sticks to cook the fish on.

Tarrlok was sitting behind me with his shirt half unfastened, his one hand fumbling with the open buttons. Why? It brought all of the irritation rushing back. I hardly knew what I was saying to him. Couldn't he find something useful to do instead? Why wouldn't he just leave well enough alone? He was looking off into the woods again, avoiding my eyes. When I realized I was starting to repeat myself, I finally finished with a demand that he explain himself.

He turned his head reluctantly. "Since the best healer in the world couldn't give me back a hand, I thought I could practice dressing myself." His eyes were angry as he raised them to mine. "Or am I not allowed to do that?"

Oh. I supposed- Yes, that was a decent reason. I wouldn't admit it to him, though. I changed the subject instead, asking him to start cooking the two fish while I got more water from the river for the evening's healing. He ate without talking again, without even a comment on the fresh mushrooms I found between the campsite and the river's edge. He ate what I put in front of him, looking blankly down at his lap when the food was gone. When I told him I was going to begin the healing, he only shrugged.

He didn't resist, but he didn't help either as I slipped off his coat and undid his shirt. His eyes were dull, and he only roused himself enough to tell me that he'd burned his hand a little while he was managing the fish. I tried to ask him about how it happened, anything for a conversation. It was starting to worry me how much he'd withdrawn since the last morning. It was no good. I couldn't get anything but one-word answers out of him.

Did- Did he think that just because there was something wrong with my healing I didn't want to help him? That wasn't right at all! I wanted to help him so badly! I'd done so much just to help him. I renewed my questions, but it was useless. How could I get a response out of him? I had begun the healing with his back, but I was impatient to finish and get into a position where I could see his face. He sat with crossed legs and I knelt in front of him. I leaned forward and let my hands brush his cheeks as I healed him. Look at me, Tarrlok. He shut his eyes.

I felt almost as angry as earlier, but rising anxiety kept me from saying anything. What was wrong? His eyes stayed shut as long as I was working on his face. I dropped my hands to his chest, and he opened them and turned his head away to the right. When I finally had to give it up and move around to his side, he continued ignoring me. Fine. While I was working on the exercises for his hand, I began asking him questions about how the scars felt for him. Was there any more trouble breathing? Was he regaining flexibility and strength? If he wasn't willing to answer these questions, I didn't know what else I'd be able to do.

He did come a little more alive as we talked. He finally was saying more than one word to me at a time. When he mentioned that the scars felt a bit tight and pulled painfully when he moved too quickly, I had something that would cheer him up. I ran in to dig in the bottom of my pack and finally pulled out a ceramic jar.

"We can use this! It's lotion I took from the hospital. I'm not sure exactly what's in it, but they told me that it was specially made for burns. We'll just apply it with the healings, and that should help."

He looked a bit dubious at the size of the jar. "Isn't that a little small?"

"Don't worry, I asked some questions about it and it's supposed to be very common. The nurses said that any decent herbalist should be able to make some more up. Soon we should be passing Iruma city, and I've been planning to stop there to pick up extra supplies."

We talked a little more, but as much as I tried to encourage him to keep speaking he soon lapsed into silence again and stared off into the dark woods. As I applied the lotion to all his burns and carefully rubbed it into the scars, he ignored me completely. After I finished I tucked myself in close to his side and began the exercises for his hand again. Look at me, Tarrlok. It was useless. When I pressed my thigh against his and leaned in against him, he didn't react at all. Even when I shifted a little so that the side of my breast rested against his arm, he barely turned to me for a moment before looking off into the distance again.

I'd worked myself up almost to the point of tears by the time I had to give it up. At least today he didn't argue about the medicine and moved to get it out of the pack before I even had a chance to mention it. He did turn to say something to me, and at first I was so excited that he was talking that I couldn't comprehend the import of his words.

"This is nearly empty. When it's finished, am I done with the medicine?"

"Oh, no. That's just something else I need to buy in Iruma city."

That was a worrying point, though. I'd assumed we would have passed the city long before this became an issue. As soon as he was settled and unconscious, I found Asami's map in my pack and unfolded to read by the fire. It was so hard to tell where we were since we had to avoid the roads, but when I'd caught the fish I'd seen the light of some settlement off to the south. If that put us here, and we'd left the Satomobile there... I tried to argue with my own logic, but it was no good. It was going to be a few more days before we had any hope of reaching the city. I extinguished the fire and tucked the map safety away, and before I went to bed myself, I stopped to weigh the skin of medicine in my hand. Really, there couldn't be more than a day's worth left in there. Why hadn't he said anything? I might have been able to work something out if he'd only told me earlier! My mind raced trying to think of some solution, but there was nothing. Everything had depended on Iruma city. I reluctantly crawled under my furs and shut my eyes, preparing for a night even more restless than usual.


	12. Chapter 12

Tarrlok

\--

I knew she was trying to get me to talk to her. But the harder she pushed, the more unequal to the task I felt. The hours passed as a grey blur. The only time I felt at all like myself was when I tried to work through the waterbending forms, but she put a stop to that soon enough. And it was apparently too strenuous to even try dressing myself. She'd already made it perfectly clear that I was no help around the camp. There was no point to anything. I was left to sit and stare off into the trees. My mind, my body, everything felt so sluggish. I ate what she put in front of me because it was easier than dealing with her when I didn't eat. It was a struggle to finish the food.

I would almost have rather skipped the healing session and just gone to sleep, but I had no energy to argue with her. I tried to force myself to answer when she talked to me during the healing. Maybe if she thought I was willing to talk she'd leave me alone. The lotion was interesting. I'd been noticing that the scars pulled tighter than they used to, tugging painfully where they ran into the relatively unburned areas. I wouldn't have expected her to leave something useful like that sitting in a pack. But my mood soon fell again, and I was left dully wondering when she would let me take the medicine and go to sleep.

When I realized that she was using her body to try to force me to respond, I felt something very like anger. That was unkind. It was unnecessarily cruel. If I could have ever thought she meant something by it, something real, I don't know how I would have reacted. But this went beyond disbelief. I knew how she felt about me and what I'd done. I knew what she'd done to me. And I knew what I looked like. I could still perfectly recall my reflection before she'd kicked stones into the water. No, I didn't think that memory would ever leave me. It was obvious she meant nothing by these intentions. Someone who looked like her and someone who looked like me... it was almost comic. The fact that now, now she expected me to believe she felt something was very nearly the most hurtful thing she'd done to me.

Yes, that night the drug was a relief I looked forward to. I was alarmed when I lifted the skin to realize how much lighter it was than when we began the trip. She glibly talked of buying supplies in Iruma City, but did she even know how long it would be until we reached it? In fact did she even have a map? I'd certainly never seen one, and I seriously doubted she'd ever studied geography. If she didn't have a map I would have laid decent odds we weren't headed toward the city at all. That short burst of concern exhausted me. I didn't think the medicine made any real difference that night anyways. I was so tired to the bone that I thought I could have lain on the cold dirt outside and slept just as well.

Strangely, in the morning I didn't even feel rested. Korra was grinning and teasing me out of my furs, but I couldn't muster the energy to return her smile. I sat passively as she talked at me and tied back my hair. I again ate what she gave to me, but I hardly even tasted it. I stood and watched as she disassembled the camp, finally bending earth over the last traces of our presence. It was almost painful to watch. The surface she left behind was jagged and uneven. It wasn't a campsite, but it obviously wasn't natural. Although I didn't think that anyone would believe that the Avatar had left something so sloppy behind. Really, it was astonishing that nobody back in Republic City had been seen through her.

The day passed like yesterday, except she was even more eager to push me into conversation. She stayed closer to me too, and I couldn't help noticing how she reached out to touch me at any half-reasonable opportunity. I'd been walking on my own for days now, at a pace that I wouldn't have set for someone as injured as I was. I didn't need help to step off that ledge, thank you. This game had been painful yesterday, but it was worse now that she refused to give it up. This was cruel, Korra.

I was largely quiet, but not through any extraordinary effort of my own. It was more of a deep weariness that made it impossible to pull together the energy to really answer any of her questions. I watched the sun creep further across the sky, just counting the minutes until I could expect us to stop for the night. It was the same evening ritual as before. She bustled here and there while I silently stood and watched. Finally, she grinned at me and declared the camp satisfactory and headed away for the river to fish for dinner.

In a numb way, I was beginning to worry about how I was acting. This probably wasn't normal. I stared down the path Korra had taken for a few minutes, and then tried to rouse myself. I needed something. Something to do. I dragged myself to my feet and closed my eyes for a moment. We were further from the water's edge than before. Maybe I'd have time to practice my forms without Korra getting angry at me again.

As I relaxed into the familiar movements, I could feel my mood lighten a little. It felt so good, and if I didn't look it was almost as if the water was following me like it always had. It was an interesting exercise, too. How to adjust for a missing arm here, decreased flexibility there. With my eyes closed I could feel how to move for my new center of balance. If I was using this in an actual fight how could I fill the holes in my defense? Where could I increase economy of movement to account for my new limitations? Find the imperfection, invent my own workaround... I was so caught up in the new exercises that I didn't hear Korra coming back. I heard a twig snap behind me and whirled around. She was watching with a sour expression, but she didn't immediately launch into a diatribe the way she had yesterday.

"Why? Seriously, why are you even doing this?"

How could I describe it? I stumbled on the words as I tried to force them to respond. "Even if I can't bend, even if it's useless. It's something that I can do. I need something to do."

"You could help out with the camp and travel things. That would be useful."

Yes, Korra. I could do that if you ever let me. "It's more than that. It's... Take the nature of waterbending. Changeability, adaption." I gestured to myself. "I need to think about that. I can't fight what I am. I need to work with it, adjust to it."

"Oh, that makes more sense." She blushed deep red, "I had thought you might be doing it to make me feel bad about having my bending back when you don't."

"What? No, that would be unreasonable. There's no reason to blame you for my bending being gone." Why on earth would she think something like that? Did she really think so badly of me?

"But why do you need to do the forms? I would have thought you could just think about waterbending without doing all the exercises. I did mean what I said about you hurting yourself."

"It's not so simple. The bending and the philosophy are tied together. You can't really separate them and understand either one as fully as you can together. I explore my new body, find how I can work with it. I don't push it beyond what it can handle, but I don't avoid pushing it at all. There's a new balance that I have to find between what I want and what I can do."

"But bending is bending. I never did much with the spiritual stuff and I was fine at it."

I shrugged and realized I was actually enjoying this conversation. "Well the nature of waterbending is to push and pull. As the moon drives the steady in and out of the tides, so we move the water." She nodded cautiously. "Well I treat my body the same way. I gently push it, but when feel it reaching its limits I pull myself back. I change, I adapt to what I can and can't do. See, this form," I moved through one of the simpler ones, "requires the right hand to come up and guard. Since I cannot do that, I drop my right side back behind the rest of my guard. It changes the character of the exercise, but that is the nature of waterbending, isn't it?"

I should have known that bending would be a subject to engage her. We talked the details of waterbending as she cleaned the fish and lit the fire, and she even asked to see some of the other forms I had adapted. Once or twice she made suggestions for other changes, which I tried and we discussed the merits and disadvantages of. Finally she looked guiltily up at the setting sun. We'd spent a long time on this conversation.

"Tarrlok, I still have to run down for fresh water. Can you cook the fish again?"

I was surprised that she was willing to let me near the fire again after I'd burned myself yesterday. I listened to her crunch off through the underbrush as I picked up with the first fish. The melancholy set in again as I sat and held the stick. Was this what I would be reduced to for the rest of my life? The simplest of tasks, handed over only when nobody able-bodied was available to do it. The more I stared into the flickering flames, the more my mood sunk from its earlier high. All the waterbending forms in the world wouldn't practically improve my situation. I was one of only two people on a desperate cross-country flight, but I wasn't of enough use to even throw furs into a tent or pile kindling on the ground. In a larger group, I wouldn't have even been asked to do hold meat over a fire.

The minutes crept by so slowly as I stared into the heart of the fire. I idly wondered how long the trip took. The time had completely escaped me when I'd been doing my forms. The fish were cooked, one by one, and set aside. Still no Korra. I tried to peer after her, but in the fading light it was so hard to see past the clearing. Surely there was still some time before she came back. I knelt so close to the fire that I could feel an uncomfortable heat against my face and chest. The burn scars felt almost fresh like this, like they had in the early days after waking up in the hospital. The pain made me shiver. I looked around guiltily once more. I shouldn't be doing this after yesterday... but I needed to feel it.

I reached my hand closer. Closer. Could I touch that log? Closer. The pain rolled up my arm and I finally gasped and pulled it away. It was so interesting to see the red area just beginning to blister on top of the existing scars. The pain throbbed in my hand as I sat back and turned back to the fish. Surely she wouldn't be suspicious. She already didn't trust me to do simple tasks with one hand. But when I raised my head she was there, staring at me with her face full of horror.

We were both frozen for a long moment. But then she knelt down to me, catching my hand up in hers and brushing the fish to the side. She was almost incoherent and definitely near tears as she healed the burn, but the one word I could make out with no trouble was, "Why?"

Why? I hardly knew myself. I couldn't bring myself to look at her as I tried to mumble some kind of explanation. It was something that I could feel. I didn't know. It snapped me from the dead grey numbness into complete awareness of the moment. Why did it matter? Why should she care, anyways? It was something I could feel.I didn't want to talk about this. I didn't. Stop, Korra. Stop. I don't know why, Korra!

She wouldn't let it go. Even after she finally dropped my hand and tried to persuade me to eat some dinner, she stayed pressed against my side, constantly sneaking concerned looks up at me. I tried my hardest to ignore her. While she was busy eating it wasn't as bad, but when she'd tossed aside her fish bones she began pressing me with the same questions as before. Korra, don't.

When she began healing me, she pushed the physical contact further than ever. There was no other word for it, her hands caressed my back as she bent the water. This was cruel beyond words. What did she get from treating me so? Was it so pleasurable to her to make me miserable? I already knew there would never be anything of the sort between us. I sourly wondered how much good the healing even did for burns this old. And the whole time she worked, the questions did not stop, no matter how I tried to avoid them. She persisted for at least half an hour without letting up for a minute. Finally when she was healing my chest and staring straight up into my eyes I snapped, "Korra, it does not matter, because not a soul in this world cares what happens to me."

She pulled back as if I'd slapped her. She sat on her heels with her arms braced stiffly on her knees as she looked down at the ground. She mumbled something that sounded like, "I care what happens to you."

"No, Korra, no you don't. You aren't invested in what happens to me as a person. You care about the job you set out to do. You don't want me to be well, you just don't want to fail. This is some kind of vanity project for you, isn't it?"

Her head shot up with her mouth already open to deny it, but when she met my eyes she bit back whatever she was going to say. Finally she whispered, "At first. Not now."

I didn't believe her. But I wasn't going to be drawn into an argument on the matter with her either. I could feel her eyes boring into me as she finished the healing work, but I steadfastly looked off into the dark woods. Her hands were on me more than ever. Korra, I don't believe you.

Finally she gave up. The fire was beginning to die, and she meekly suggested that she do the lotion. I didn't argue. She went to the tent and came back with the jar, beginning on my back and working her way around to my front. As she gently rubbed the lotion into my chest, she softly said "Tarrlok, how can I prove that I care?"

I didn't answer, but I was taken completely by surprise when she rose up on her knees and carefully placed a single kiss on my lips. I was frozen, but she didn't stop there. She kissed across my cheek and down the side of my neck, and without conscious thought my hand rose up to rest on her side. I could feel her smile at that. She kissed me once more pulled back to look me in the eyes. Her gaze darted down to my hand and I saw her lips curl into a grin. She grabbed it, and before I could react, placed in right on her breast.

That broke the spell and I pulled back, "Korra, what are you doing?"

She recaptured my hand and slid it down her neck, over the curve of her breast and down her stomach. "I want to show you I care for you."

"You don't want this."

"I do. Tarrlok, I really do." Her eyes were so earnest as she looks up at me. This was just a dream, this wasn't reality. She wasn't looking at these twisted red scars and seeing a man she could really be attracted to. As the silence stretched on, she shifted slowly to close the distance between us. Her kisses were so slow and sweet, and I could have lost myself in just that sensation. I almost didn't notice her easing further and further forward until I was forced to lean back and lie on the ground.

She stretched herself languorously along my body, running light fingers over my chest and up my neck to tangle in my hair as she kissed me. She captured my hand with her free one, this time moving it up under the hem of her shirt. I pulled away for a moment.

"Korra- You're, sure? You're really sure?"

She smiled. "Yes."

I felt so painfully clumsy, especially compared to how delicately her own hands moved against me. My body was responding to her, and I was dimly surprised that I was even capable of that anymore. I had worried that the burns might have affected me, but things seemed to be working correctly. She noticed too, and I could see the delight on her face as she pressed a leg between my thighs.

She pulled away and stood up, but before I could feel any disappointment, I realized she was only moving to take off her clothes. I propped myself up on my elbow as I watched. She kicked her boots away toward the tent, then shimmied out of her shirt and pants. Even in the dim firelight, the dark of her skin contrasted with the white of her wraps. As quickly as she'd taken everything else off, she moved slowly there. It was torture watching a sliver of skin, then a sliver more appear. She grinned as she looked down at me, and as her gaze flickered to my pants, her smile got even wider.

As much as I didn't want to interrupt things, it occurred to me that there were better places to do this than on the twigs and pebbles of the clearing. She reluctantly agreed with my suggestion that we move inside, and catching up all her discarded clothing, she turned to the tent. She extinguished the fire with a gesture and in the last dying light I saw her cast a look over her shoulder at me. I could not move to the tent fast enough.

When I came through the flap she was just finishing dragging her furs over to mine. She sat down on top of them and reached a hand out to me. As I took it, I was still hardly able to believe this wasn't a dream. But the way her fingers curled around my hand, the heat as her lips pressed against mine, surely I wasn't imagining that. The single lantern that burned in a corner cast even less light than the fire had before. I had knelt beside her, but soon her hands were gently pushing me to lie on my back and her eyes were turning to the bulge in my pants.

It was the work of a moment for her to undo my belt and free me. She touched me tentatively at first, one finger ghosting along my length. She carefully wrapped her hand around me and gave one low stroke. She looked up and smiled. "You're so hard!" Without dropping her eyes from mine, she bent her head down and let just the tip of her tongue run from the base to the tip. I couldn't help a soft groan and her eyes sparkled. Her voice dropped to a whisper. "Tarrlok, do you want me?"

I couldn't find the words, but she must have seen the answer in my face. She quickly moved to straddle my stomach, pressings down against me. I could feel how wet she was and I needed her so, so badly right at that moment. She lifted herself up, balancing herself against my chest with one hand and positioning me at her entrance with her other. My hand rested weakly against her hip as she readied herself. In one smooth motion she took me in and that first feeling of that tight, wet heat almost undid me.

What pulled me out of my reverie was her little cry of pain. Even in the faint light, her face was pale and her mouth was tight. "What's wrong?" She tried to smile again, but it didn't reach her eyes. Realization dawned. "Korra, is it your first time?" She didn't need to say anything, I already knew the answer. I tried to slide out of her, but she had me firmly pinned.

"Wait! It should get better. It's not supposed to hurt long." She managed a smile that time, but her voice quavered. "See, it's much better already." She tried to move up and down, but she couldn't hold back a gasp that was definitely pain, not pleasure. I wouldn't let her dissuade me. I carefully eased her off and helped her lay down on the furs next to me.

After a minute she tried speaking again. "Really, Tarrlok, it hurts much less. We could try again-"

"No. You don't have to force yourself, Korra. You don't." I kissed her gently on the forehead, and she nestled in closer to me. I closed my eyes and listened to the soft sound of her breathing.

We lay there for some minutes, and I think we could have drifted to sleep like that, until she sat bolt upright. "Oh! Your medicine." She rolled over to grab the skin from the pack and tossed it over to me. As I sat up I noticed bloodstains on the furs.

"Korra, are you sure you're alright? You didn't have to- It was your first time-"

She rolled back over to my side and simply said, "It's fine. I wanted to."

I hardly knew how to answer that and turned my attention to the medicine skin. "I think there's only one day's worth left."

"I thought so." Her brow creased. She looked up at me anxiously. " I can't see any other way than going a few days without it. We'll be at the city soon. I'll buy more. And the lotion. Lots more."

To own the truth, I was looking forward to some days without the drug. It make me a little nervous to be taking medicine when neither of us was exactly certain what it was. But I just bent to kiss her on the cheek and told her not to worry. She had to move away for a moment more to blow out the lamp, but then she tucked herself right against me again. We lay almost forehead to forehead, with our legs intertwined under the furs. She held my hand in both of hers, and as the medicine took me I thought that I could get used to sleeping like this.


	13. Chapter 13

Korra

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I woke up with a gasp. My eyes were still tight shut as I buried my face in the furs, but I could feel a few stray tears leaking down my cheeks. I could tell from the way my heart was pounding that I wouldn't be able to sleep again that night. I rolled over and peered at the tent flap. At least it seemed to be nearly dawn. Not as long to lie awake while I waited for Tarrlok's medicine to wear off. Oh. Tarrlok. Oh. Oh.

I lifted the furs and looked down, already knowing what I was going to see. I was still stark naked and that looked like... yes, a few splotches of dried blood down near my side. And between us, Tarrlok still gently held my other hand in his. I freed it and slid out from under the furs. It seemed almost like a dream, but had I really done it? I had. There was no denying it, not with all the evidence here before me. Then why had I done it? What made me decide that this was what I wanted? For months I had dreamed that maybe Mako-

I cut that thought off before it could go any further, but that was a little ball of misery that rolled around my stomach as I collected my scattered clothing, wrapped a stray fur around myself, and headed for the river's edge. Tarrlok had told me I didn't need to do it. I was certain I remembered that. He'd tried to persuade me several times that I didn't have to do this, and I was the one who insisted on going forward. Still, the way it had moved from that point was completely mortifying. How could I have forgotten it would hurt? I thought that I'd been doing so well until that point. But the look in his eyes when he realized and helped me down to lay beside him... I smiled. That was a memory to store away. I hadn't thought that a single look could be so tender and expressive.

Things felt better as I waded deeper into the river. I'd wanted it, he'd wanted it, and even if I totally embarrassed myself, he hadn't seemed unhappy. No. We'd held hands as we went to sleep together. I blushed as I remembered. As good as the rest had felt, there was something in the careful way he touched me that just made me shiver. The water swirling around my hips seemed to wash the little worries away. I hadn't done anything to be ashamed of, and I hadn't been forced to do anything I didn't want. And I could remember the way it felt when his lips were pressed to mine, when his hand ran over my skin... Oh yes, I had wanted more. I could have stayed there in the water for hours, but when the sun began to creep over the horizon I forced myself to leave the river and get dressed again.

Tarrlok was still asleep when I got back to the camp, so I quietly began to pack what I could. I carefully eased the bloodstained fur from under one of his legs, rolled it up, and buried in my pack. Maybe tonight I could try cleaning it. The empty medicine skin made me frown, and finally I stuffed it down to the bottom of his pack so I wouldn't have to think about it anymore. I bent away the signs of our fire and tossed the scraps from our dinner into the woods. That wasn't good. I should have remembered to take care of that last night. It was lucky there hadn't been any predators to come looking for food. I was just running out of things to do when he finally began to stir it was a welcome interruption.

I thought I'd been in control of myself, but when I came back through the tent flap I was hit with a sudden rush of confusion. Was I supposed to kiss him? Hug him? Nothing had prepared me for this What were you supposed to do? I finally settled for doing nothing. I gave him a quick smile and bent to my pack before he could say anything. Oh, I'm much too busy to talk. Look at me rearranging these important things that definitely weren't packed before. I managed to look busy while he got dressed, and by the time he asked what else needed to be done I felt like I could manage conversation again.

I finished disassembling the camp site fairly quickly after that, and within an hour we were walking north again. He was talkative still, like he had been last evening. Both of us carefully avoided conversation about... us, but we found plenty to chat about. I still felt the need to get to Iruma City as soon as possible, so I set a hard pace, but he managed to keep up well. That made me smile. He'd been such a wreck only weeks ago, and even with damaged bending I'd managed to heal him to this point. Even without knowing my problems, some of the Council had doubted whether he'd ever be able to walk unaided, and now look at this!

When he cried out and bent toward the ground, my stomach lurched. I was at his side in a second, trying to support him and see what was wrong, but he'd only been reaching for a handful of leaves. I badly wanted to tell him off for giving me such a fright, but I managed to bite it back and asked instead for an explanation. He held out the leaves as if that would explain everything, but I only gave him a blank look. I didn't know plants.

Finally, he said, "Korra, we need to collect more of these."

"What are they?"

"You've never seen it before?" I didn't answer, but he was clearly hoping I'd step in and fill the hole in the conversation. As the silence stretched on, I could see his face going red underneath the scars. "They're for- If you wanted to keep sleeping together- It would be bad to have a baby-"

He was stuttering too badly to continue, but it was fine. I could feel my own face burning, and got down on my knee by the bush. Anything not to make eye contact after that. I tossed my pack on the ground and dug out a spare scrap of cloth to wrap leaves in. I spread it on the ground and began stripping leaves and piling them on it while my cheeks cooled. When I felt like my voice would be steady I asked, "How much do we need?"

"We should each brew a strong cup of tea each morning and night. I think I've seen more of this bush around, I just didn't have a reason to notice it before yesterday..." His voice trailed into embarrassed silence again, but I was almost done collecting leaves. That should have been enough to last for at least a week. I knotted the cloth off and tucked it away before shouldering the pack again. It took the conversation a little while to recover from that, but we got on well for the rest of the day.

That evening when the camp was set up I began to head off to the river again before a nasty thought pulled me up short. Tarrlok had sat and watched while I did the work, but was beginning to move through his waterbending forms. I dragged my heels as I walked over to him. This was going to be miserable. "Tarrlok?" He turned to look at me. "Could I ask you to come down to the water with me?"

"I thought it would probably be flatter up here. I'm still not that steady on my feet." He smiled down at me and my stomach twisted.

My voice was barely louder than a whisper. "It's just that after yesterday- I'd rather not leave you alone." The smile fell from his face. "Even though there isn't a fire yet, the look on your face- It was awful."

He followed me without a word, and I couldn't bring myself to look into his eyes. The silence was thick and horrible and I wished he would say something to break it, but that hardly seemed likely. He found a clear area on the shore and I slunk away upstream to search for fish. It seemed almost like my bending was worse today than ever before. The harder I pulled at the water, the more it slipped away from me. I could practically feel Tarrlok's eyes on the back of my neck, judging what an incompetent bender I was, and I ground my teeth with frustration.

I stole a look back over my shoulder, but it seemed like Tarrlok was lost in his own concerns. Even though he was stiffer and slower than he once was, he moved with a grace I had to envy. He flowed like water as he shifted through his forms. It was an embarrassing contrast to my own efforts. How could he be a better waterbender than me without even having bending? I turned back to the river to focus on my own work.

I could see the fish I wanted right there beneath the rushing of the current. I wanted to just grab it and yank it out, but I'd already lost every fish I'd tried to catch that way today. What had Tarrlok said about waterbending? Bowing to the water and adjusting, not opposing and fighting it. Compliance. Push and pull. Experimentally, I reached out to the surface of the river and twisted away in the direction of the current. The water spun up and around me, cleaner waterbending than I'd managed since I'd been to the South Pole. It hovered there until I sent it back into the river with a flick of my hand. It was too early to celebrate. I needed solid results.

As much as I wanted to get the fish and get back to camp, I forced myself to slow down. It was so, so long since I'd sat through the lessons on waterbending. I hadn't listened well. Philosophy and abstraction didn't interest me when I could already feel the bending in my bones. It was hard to remember what I'd been taught and forced to repeat back to my teachers. I closed my eyes and breathed deeply, trying to feel the rhythm of the river. Push and pull, find the balance. I could feel the current twist there where it had to part to pass the fat trout. It was so strange having to concentrate on the nature of the bending when it had always come naturally, but with my eyes still closed I spun the water up and out. I opened my eyes when I heard the wet flop and turned to see the fish flopping on the bank behind me.

I did it! I really did it! When I grabbed for the water again, it fell away from me like before and I almost cried from sheer frustration. But when I took a slow breath and forced myself to think about the nature of water I was able to bend it. I tried to focus as I searched for more trout, but it was difficult to maintain my concentration. Would I have to constantly think about the philosophy of waterbending to be able to do it? Was this the way to recover my earthbending and firebending too? I'd have to dig through too many memories of dreary, boring lessons to remember what I'd been taught there. At least with waterbending I could discuss the ins and outs with Tarrlok.

As I collected my fish and headed off to collect him, I was practically skipping from excitement. When I began to tell him what I'd managed, I started babbling so fast I was surprised he understood anything I was saying. He did, though, and he was fascinated. We discussed it while we brought the fish to camp, while we returned to collect water, and while we prepared and ate the food. As I'd talked, I'd been struck by the hope that once I got a hand on the spiritual aspects of each element, my bending would be restored and I could focus on the physical again, but he doubted that. In his experience, it was extremely uncommon to achieve excellence without that constant awareness of the spiritual side of the bending . That was disappointing, but it was a small problem compared to the hope I suddenly had. I'd never given up on a solution, but I had begun to dread that my bending would never be normal again.

I was giddy, and I knew I was. He smiled indulgently as I rambled on, spouting half-remembered philosophy from my teachers at the South Pole. The conversation continued even as I began to prepare for the night. I had been about to begin the evening's healing work, but a thought struck me. Instead I gave Tarrlok a sly sideways look and told him I'd be right back. It was only a moment's work to find the leaves from earlier, and I sat down next to Tarrlok at the fire as I filled the kettle with leaves and water and nudged it closer to the flames.

It was hard to tell in the dim light, but I was certain he was blushing again. I leaned in close to his ear and whispered, "Time for healing?" I didn't wait for an answer before I reached for the buttons of his shirt. It wasn't a good angle. Clearly I needed to be between his legs. I moved there, and slowly undid each button as he watched. I couldn't bring myself to meet his eyes, but I could feel his breath catch when I finished and smoothed the fabric back from his chest. I ran a finger over the largest knife scar on his chest, but I had to force myself to stop. There was some real work to be done first. I broke away and moved around to his back. It was possible to heal without touching, but where was the fun in that? Still, I had something new to focus on. I tried to remember everything Tarrlok had said about the nature of waterbending. It might not be too late to do something for his burns. If I'd realized earlier... But that was the past. I needed to think of the present.

It was hard to stay quiet as I moved over his body. I could feel the healing making a difference. It was helping! It had been too long to fix everything, but it would be better! I was almost certain he'd move with more ease and flexibility. I finished with his chest and face, carefully letting the healing sink into his scars as he closed his eyes and leaned into the touch. Finally I leaned in close and whispered, "Tarrlok... Take off your pants."

His eyes shot open and he said, "What?"

"Can you feel it? The healing is so much stronger! Even though the burns are less severe, I might be able to do something more for your legs. Why, did you think I had another motive?"

His cheeks were definitely redder than normal as he looked from me to the kettle, and back to me again. I tossed his jacket back behind him to cover the bare ground and eased him back. I smiled and ignored the bulge between his legs as I slid his pants off. Yes, of course I had certain intentions, but it could wait. The healing was faster here, and I was beginning to get used to blending the spiritual into my work. I bent the water back into its bowl, but as Tarrlok cautiously sat up I turned to the kettle and poured out two cups of tea.

"Are you sure I have to drink this? It smells awful. Maybe you just have to drink it."

"No, Korra, definitely both. If anyone was going to skip their dose, it would be better for me to do it. But we shouldn't take any risks."

I took a sip and made a face. Oh well, better to get it over with quickly. I leaned in so my lips brushed his ear again. "I'll race you to the tent." Before he could react, I tossed my cup back, choking down the disgusting brew. In seconds I had jumped to my feet and was headed to the tent, extinguishing the fire with a gesture as I passed it and catching up his stray clothing. I'd taken him by surprise, and I had a little time before he followed me. It was long enough to strip naked, toss our clothes in a dark corner, and bury myself beneath the furs.

When he bent to come through the tent flap, I smiled up at him and he hesitantly knelt next to me. He seemed almost afraid to join me under the furs, but when he finally reached out to lift them away I was in a perfect position to see his face go beet red. Ha, I'd caught him completely by surprise. He was frozen there holding the fur until I reached out and ran a hand up his arm. When I gently tugged him down, he moved, sliding under the furs to lie facing me.

It wasn't hard to act confident up to a certain point, but after that I knew my lack of experience had to betray me. Kisses. I understood kisses. I leaned in and pressed my lips to his. With one hand I tugged the ties from his ponytails and tossed them to the side. He deepened the kiss and I tangled my fingers in his hair as I pulled him closer. He seemed to hardly know what to do with his hand, but finally he let it rest on my side.

My eyes were closed as the kiss stretched on, and soon he moved to touch me. His hand moved over my back, skimming up my spine until his fingers paused against my neck. I was torn between wanting to lean into that touch and needing even more from the kiss. He solved the problem for me, breaking that contact and slipping his hand between us. He paused only a moment before he brushed his thumb over my breast. I smiled against his lips, and that seemed to encourage him.

There was an unbearable tension building inside of me. This was so unlike last night. I hadn't known that sex could be this. We'd barely begun and the sensation was already more than anything I'd ever experienced. I was lost in thought wondering what the rest would feel like and almost didn't notice his hand moving down my stomach. When he slipped it between my legs my eyes flew open and I broke the kiss, gasping for air.

Our foreheads rested together, and he carefully watched my expression as he touched me. My legs were clamped tightly around his hand as I tried to get some control over myself. But it was so hard when every smallest movement of his fingers sent shockwaves through my body. He gently kissed my cheek as he pushed forward and one of his fingers slid into me. Oh.

I rocked against his hand, my arms wrapped around his chest and pulling him tightly to me. I could only shut my eyes and cling to him as he moved in and out. I felt another finger added, then a third. I was losing myself in a flood of sensation and buried my face in the crook of his neck. When I heard his breath hitch it reminded me that he must have his own needs by this point

I reached down between us and felt the bulge through his underwear. He groaned as I cupped him, and it was the work of a moment to work the fabric over his hips and shove it down his legs. His hand froze as I caressed him, and I could hear his breath catch with each movement of my fingers. As I watched, a bead of white formed at his tip, and I felt him harden even further as I brushed my thumb through it.

I needed him. Now. I shifted, throwing my leg over his hip. His hand moved to rest at the small of my back as I positioned him. This time he was the one to push forward, and as he buried himself in me, his forehead once again rested against mine. He was slow and cautious at first. There were whispered questions to make sure I was in no pain, repeated even though I reassured him I was fine. I didn't need him to be gentle, I needed him to give me more. The feeling of being stretched, being filled, was perfect beyond words.

No matter how careful he wanted to be, he couldn't maintain control for long. He was moving faster and faster, our legs twisting together as he thrust into me. My hands clutched at his back, and our lips met in a hot messy kiss. I could feel the heat pooling in my stomach and freed one hand to reach between my legs. When I touched myself I could feel the orgasm crash over me, and broke away from the kiss, gasping for breath. The sensation was so overwhelming that I felt tears leak from my closed eyes as I shook. He wasn't far behind me, crying out as he came. He pressed me to him and buried his face in my shoulder as the aftershocks rocked through him.

I looked up at him as he pulled away and the smile fell from his face as he reached up to brush a tear away. His voice was full of concern as he asked whether I was hurt, or unhappy, or- It took a minute to reassure him that I was fine, that it was wonderful. He was wonderful. He wrapped his arm around me again to tuck me close against the curve of his body. I threw an arm over his waist and relaxed into his warmth. I didn't know which of us fell asleep first, but my last memory that night was the sound of our mingled breathing.


	14. Chapter 14

Tarrlok

\--

I held Korra gently as her breathing slowed and she relaxed into sleep. Her head lay against my chest and I bent to rest my cheek against her hair. I shut my eyes and waited for slumber. Even without the medicine, there was no pain, and I was looking forward to a night of natural sleep. It didn't come. I had no conception of time as I lay there, but I could feel the night drifting past. I think I might have dozed for a little here and there, but I always woke again to stare at the canvas of the tent wall. I was tired, I was comfortable, and nothing hurt, but still sleep refused to come. I was desperate. It must have been hours. What could be wrong?

I was pulled from my thoughts when Korra suddenly gasped and shoved herself away from me. I was in too much shock to move or speak, but she sat up and held her knees for a moment, her eyes closed and taking deep shuddering breaths before she lay down again. She faced away from me and pulled the furs up to her neck again, but I could hear her softly crying. What was wrong? What could have happened? I reached out to rest my hand on her shoulder and she jumped.

"Don't touch me, don't touch me!"

"Korra, what-"

"Get away from me!"

I pulled back, even more at a loss for words than before. I sat up and nervously watched her as she buried her face in her hands and sobbed. Eventually I asked, "Was it a dream?"

She sniffed and scrubbed at her face with one hand. "Yes. It's nothing new. You've just slept through them every other night."

"This happens every night?" I reached out again, "Korra, isn't there anything I can-"

"I said to get away." The silence dragged out as I tried to understand. She stared across the furs at me, her eyes accusing. Finally she sighed. "Just what do you think I have nightmares about?" It felt like a blow to the gut, but she pressed on. "Maybe, just maybe it would be some kind of traumatic experience. I don't know, maybe something like being kidnapped, put in a van, and locked in a freezing cage out in the woods. Maybe it was the way somebody bloodbent me when I was only trying to help the city. Or it could have been the way they threatened to take me off into the wilderness with them as protection while they started their new life. Does any of that sound familiar?"

"I'm sorry-"

"That' s just words! What good does sorry do? Tarrlok, do you understand what you did to me? Do you have any idea what I went through?" She began to cry again. "It was the most terrifying thing that's ever happened to me. Every night, it's all I dream of. Every single night. How could you do it? How could you?"

What could I say? There was no way to defend my actions. Her head hung low and her shoulders slumped forward as she sobbed. I bent forward and carefully took one of her hands in mine. She let me. I pulled her forward until she lay against my chest, tucked under my chin. I could feel the tears slowly dripping from her cheeks, and her shoulders still as I held her close. I knew it did no good, but all I could do was whisper, "I'm so sorry," over and over.

Eventually, she pulled away. She wouldn't meet my eyes, but she pressed me back down into the furs. She lay down too, but nowhere near as close as when we'd gone to bed. After a moment she edged closer, near enough to rest her hand on top of mine. I could hear her breath slow as she fell into sleep, and finally I felt myself begin to drift off too.

Even though I slept better, I still remembered waking up several times before the dawn. In the morning, I assumed I felt unwell because I'd lain awake half the night. For once I was glad Korra didn't let me do any of the work around the camp. I sat on the ground, closed my eyes and tried to breathe deeply. My stomach felt uneasy, and my head spun whenever I moved too quickly. Was I getting sick? I mentioned the possibility to Korra before we set out for the day, and she quickly peeled back my shirt, bending water along my chest, my stomach, my head. She assured me she couldn't feel anything, and I blamed simple exhaustion.

It got no better as we walked. Sometimes I almost felt normal, but sometimes the dizziness was so bad that I had to lean against a tree, shut my eyes, and wait for the spell to pass. Korra seemed to have put last night behind her. She was no less affectionate than before, sometimes taking my hand and squeezing it whole I waited for my head to stop spinning. I ached all over, but it was an entirely different feeling from the pain of the burns. Several times, she tried healing, but she couldn't find anything that seemed out of place. There wasn't much conversation that day. Korra sometimes said something to me, but I couldn't manage much more than one-word responses.

I found myself missing the medicine she'd made me take for so long. At least that would have gotten me a full night of sleep. Maybe there was a little left. A small drop at the bottom, maybe just enough to give me some relief. Finally, finally, she decided to stop for the evening. I dropped my pack and turned to Korra, asking her to make sure there was none of the medicine left in the skin. She was almost sure it was gone, but I begged her to make certain. No, there was nothing at all. I'd drained it empty the night before last. I could have almost cried with frustration.

She stepped up to my side, leading me over to a fallen tree and seating me on the trunk. She unbuttoned my shirt again, pushing it back. Pointless. We already knew that wouldn't help. I tried to wave her off, but she interrupted me. "Tarrlok, wait. I think I remember something. It was a long time ago, but Sifu Katara mentioned it..." I tried to be patient as she thought. It wasn't easy. "It's possible to become addicted to strong drugs. I didn't listen very well. It wasn't waterbending healing, so I didn't pay attention. But if you stop taking them out of nowhere, it can be painful. You have to be careful."

A lot of good that did now. Just another botched healing job for the cripple. Add it to the list. She must have seen the look on my face because she bent and kissed my cheek. "I can help. Now that I know you aren't sick or hurt, I think I can do something for this." I could tell she was concentrating hard when she bent the water along my chest. It was slow, but the nausea and dizziness eased, the ache was pushed back to a dull throbbing. It wasn't entirely better, but at least it was bearable. "Even with the time we lost today we should reach Iruma city tomorrow. I can get more medicine and we can do it the right way this time," she said with an apologetic smile.

She set out a few furs where I could lay down, and I was able to doze for a little while she set up the camp. I hadn't realized just how exhausted I was until I felt her shaking my shoulder to wake me up and saw her bending down holding out sticks with grilled fish. We talked of the city as we ate. She thought she remembered enough about my medicine to buy some that was almost identical, and she also wanted to find some more lotion for my scars. If she had enough money left after that, she'd look for a cart and some kind of pack animal.

"How much money do you have?" And where had she gotten it? I'd always thought Tenzin lived a fairly ascetic life in his temple.

"I'm not sure yet. I have to barter some goods." What?

She dragged out her pack and began sorting through pulling out little jeweled trinkets and delicate tiny carvings. I recognized them. All of them.

"Korra, those are mine! Did you take those from my house?"

"Well I had to! It would have been irresponsible to start a trip without any valuables. I just took a few things from your bedroom when I grabbed your clothes."

"I had those in my room because I liked them, not because I wanted to sell them off." It was a hollow argument. We needed to buy things and if this was all we had that was worth money, we'd have to use it. At least we had to sell enough for more medicine. I saw an ivory-handled knife go by and grabbed it out of the pile. "Not this. My mother gave that to me."

"Oh, can I see?" She took it from my hand without waiting for an answer. "That's lovely. Very traditional. Those carvings are so detailed! Did she make it herself?"

"Yes. She used to carve every winter night when we were all inside. She and my father would work while my brother and I played together." That was enough. Time to change the subject. "Korra, could you do more of that healing before we go to bed? I hardly slept at all last night, and I can't handle another day like this." She agreed readily, and as soon as she'd piled my things back into her bag she began the normal work on my burns. She assured me that even though the scars were old she could feel it making a difference. We moved into the tent before she did the rest of the healing. She had me lie down in the furs and rested her hands on my chest as she worked. I could feel the tension unwinding inside of me, and it wasn't long before I felt myself slipping into true sleep.

I woke up in darkness, hearing Korra thrashing around in the furs and gasping for air. More dreams. I didn't try to touch her this time as she edged away. Even without light, I could feel her watching me. What could I do? What could I say? "Korra, I'm so, so sorry."

"That's wonderful. Good for you. It's just too bad you didn't have a chance to think about what you were doing back then. Maybe you could have stopped yourself before you locked me in a van? In a cage? It's a good think Amon came around or you would have just kept going. No reason to be sorry if you've gotten everything you wanted! Oh, but it doesn't matter now. You're sorry, and that makes everything better."

My head hung as she railed at me. What did she expect me to say? If she hated me this much, why was she even here? She went on and on, detailing me all my crimes, listing every unforgivable thing I'd ever done to her. I sat there quietly listening to her accuse me, but as she continued resentment began to coil in my stomach and finally I interrupted her.

"Korra. Korra." She trailed off into silence, glaring at me. "I want to remind you of something. Think back. Think about that day in my office. Even if you disagreed with my methods, nothing I did was illegal. I had proper government backing and every one of the measures I took was voted on. I was in the office long past when I should have been home, working for the sake of the city."

"You put my friends in prison!"

"And you came to stop me... by any means necessary?"

"Don't even try that. You attacked me."

"Forgive me, perhaps it was your history of violence and your barefaced threats that put me on edge. Can you blame me for assuming the worst?"

"I blame you for bloodbending me!"

"Why did I do that, Korra? Really, why? It didn't make any difference if you won the fight because I had done nothing wrong! You could have tied me up and the city would have just untied me in the morning. I'm smarter than that. I hadn't used bloodbending in decades and I have never enjoyed it. Why would I use it then? I bent you because you came at me with your hands full of fire and I would have died. Look at me now Korra! Look at me! This is what fire does to a man!"

She flinched back as I pointed to my face, but didn't say anything. "You knew I was helpless because you told me so yourself. 'You're all out of water.' Despicable! You knew you'd already won, but you didn't stop. You didn't take me prisoner. You went for the kill. I bent you because I didn't want to die."

"You kidnapped me," she whispered.

"I ran because I was afraid! I know society doesn't forgive a bloodbender. And who had I bent? Only the Avatar! I fought so hard to put that behind me, to become something more than my father had wanted. But no, you had to force me to abandon everything I ever built for myself. I had to leave the city and I wanted some protection. If had run by myself, what would I have done but left a bloodthirsty girl on my trail who already had proven she had no qualms about trying to kill me?"

She had no answer. I knew her. I knew what she was like. Revenge appealed to her and forgiveness was not something that came naturally. "I'm going back to sleep now," I said and lay down on the furs, facing away to the far side of the tent.


	15. Chapter 15

Korra

\--

I was trying to pull myself together enough to make a reply when he turned away from me. That was so infuriating that I almost yelled at him, demanded he face me and hear what I had to say. I choked it back. Even as worked up as I was, I knew that was an awful idea. How dare you blame me for what you did, Tarrlok? How dare you? I stared at his back while I pulled together my arguments. Everything was on my side. Morality. Basic human decency. Everything.

"Tarrlok." He didn't answer. There was no way he was already asleep. Not a chance. I reached out and put a hand on his shoulder. "Tarrlok."

He still didn't move. I felt my free hand unconsciously balling into a fist. You can't just ignore me like this! Perhaps- Perhaps he could be sleeping, though. I closed my eyes and tried to feel the rhythm of his breathing, but I was distracted by the feeling of his scars as his shoulders rose and fell. They twisted away across his skin, and I knew exactly how much of his body they covered. I'd been there when they'd had to cut off his arm. That was what fire did.

No! It wasn't my fault. It was a fight that he'd started, and I'd won. What was I supposed to do, bow and give him a hand to help him up? He was dangerous. More dangerous than I could have guessed. It would have been wrong to let someone like that run free. I ran my hand down his back. Surely my fire wouldn't have done this. He was a trained fighter. He would have dodged, or blocked, or... something.

I tried to remember what it felt like to be burned. There had always been someone right there to heal the pain away, and then I'd been old enough to control fire on my own. But it was a battle! You didn't stop and let your guard down at the end. Even in practice, you made sure they were pinned down and you had them helpless before you broke away. Although, I realized with stab of guilt, he had been helpless. No water. I had even been using earthbending. Why hadn't I just trapped him? Without hands, he couldn't have bent me. My hand was still resting against his scars. I raised it to his shoulder again, down his arm to the place it ended. Fire had done that.

Bloodbending, though. How could he pretend to justify that? No, even as I was beginning to feel that sense of superiority again, I couldn't be that unreasonable. Didn't I have these dreams night after night where I was helpless against his bending or his brother's? I knew exactly what it felt like to face something you had no way of fighting. If I had anything, anything at all that I could have used against bloodbending... I would have used it without a second thought. There was that sick twisting in your gut, that way your pulse pounded in your ears. Your mind racing looking for any escape, any way to run or fight. Fear. I- he had been afraid.

He'd told me as much, hadn't he. It hadn't sunk in when he had been speaking. That awful rush of panic when you hunted desperately for some way, any way to save yourself. I'd caused that. The scars were a mute reminder. This was what fire did to flesh and bone. This was what I would have done to him if he hadn't been a bloodbender. It was so hypocritical, disgustingly hypocritical after how I had just yelled at him, but I couldn't think of another way to say it.

"Tarrlok." I tentatively touched his back. "Tarrlok, I'm sorry." They're only words, Korra. What good does that do? He didn't answer me. Was he asleep or was he ignoring me? I pressed my forehead between his shoulder blades. "I don't know what to do. There's nobody who can tell how to be an Avatar, and I'm in over my head. Everything I try to do goes wrong and I don't know how to fix it." Still no answer. Nothing. Please just be asleep. I carefully put an arm around his waist, let my head res against his back and tried to sleep.

It wasn't a good night. I might have gotten some rest, but I spent a lot of time lying awake and trying not to think. Tarrlok didn't look much better when we got up. I stumbled around trying to pack our belongings as he sat on a fallen tree trunk and blearily watched me. Neither of us said much. I did my best to heal him before we set out, but by tonight I was hoping I'd have more of the medicine to give him.

I woke up a bit as we walked. It wasn't long before the woods began to thin out, and here and there we saw isolated homes through the trees. I was trying to think about what I'd learned of earthbending philosophy, but it was hard to focus when I could feel us getting closer to Iruma city. Things were actually going according to plan! Tarrlok had been so quiet and subdued that it caught me completely by surprise when he put his hand on my shoulder to stop me.

"Korra, you can't go on like this."

"What are you talking about?"

"You're the missing Avatar. People all over the world will be on the lookout for you."

I tried to wave him off. "You worry too much! I'm just a Water Tribe girl running some errands."

"Your picture has been running in the newspapers for months, and it must be everywhere now. Your hair alone is a dead giveaway."

"Fine, fine. So I take my hair down for the day."

"You should wear different clothing too. You probably wouldn't get too many comments in the Water Tribe, but it stands out everywhere else."

I bit back a groan. "Why does it even matter? I just have to run to an apothecary, go through the market district and get back to you. Practically no time at all. And I told you, they'll be looking for us in the south. We're safe here."

"I'd still wish you'd be careful."

"Aw, Tarrlok are you worried about me?" I stretched up to kiss his cheek, and he managed a little half-smile. "I'll find something. They'll never know what hit them."

We were out of the forest and onto a dirt road passing among small farmsteads before I spotted what I was looking for. A nice large set of drying clothes hung on a line, and not an owner in sight. I slipped away before Tarrlok could say a word. It only took a few minutes to find a tunic and pants that looked to be the right size. Fire nation red, too. Nothing could be further from what I normally wore. I dug in my pack for one of the trinkets from Tarrlok's house. Probably worth much more than the outfit, but it would have to do. I stuffed the clothing in my bag and rejoined Tarrlok on the road. He'd taken the opportunity to pull his coat out of his pack, put it on, and raise the hood. It had to be uncomfortably warm, but it was better than anyone recognizing the disfigured councilman.

"That's stealing, Korra."

"I paid for it! You're the one who told me to find something new to wear, anyways."

He just sighed and walked on. It wasn't long until I spotted a stand of tall bushes that could give me some cover. I pulled Tarrlok over and told him to watch for anyone coming while I changed. He blushed and turned his back as I stripped down to my wraps. Ah, was he embarrassed? How adorable! I wanted to tease him more, but we needed to push on to the city. I took my ponytails down, but I hated to feel my hair hanging all around my face like that. It wouldn't even stay tucked away behind my ears. I wouldn't be able to manage an hour before I was ready to pull it all out. I tied it back in a sloppy braid and announced I was ready.

I almost expected Tarrlok to find something else wrong with the plan, but he looked me up and down, and nodded. I had to wear my own boots under the new pants, but other than that I looked like a totally different person. As we walked on, Tarrlok tried to ask me silly things like what my name was, what my story would be, but there was no reason to worry about that. Merchants only cared about selling their goods, not about their customers' history. It was good he was talking, though. I'd worried after last night, but it was better for us both to just to forget what we'd said then.

We began to pass other people on the road, and by early afternoon, we could see the city walls. The woods were thicker again, and finally Tarrlok said, "I should wait here. These burns will be too recognizable."

"Sure. We can go into the trees a ways and I'll find somewhere to set up camp for you."

"You don't need to do the work. I'll try to do it myself."

"Don't be silly! It will be much easier for me just to take care of it."

He sighed, but didn't argue. It didn't take long to find a suitable clearing out of sight of the road. I dropped my pack and emptied out the bulky furs and pieces of the tent. It wouldn't do to get lost trying to find my way back, so I looked around, trying to get my bearings. The trouble with woods was that every part looked like every other part. Perhaps if I had a chance to sit and think about earthbending I'd be figure out how to see through the ground like Toph Beifong had.

Tarrlok stepped quietly to my side. "Be careful, Korra."

"I know, I know." I smiled up at him. Nothing to worry about. He bent to kiss me and I wrapped my arms around his neck, deepening the kiss for a moment before pulling away. Time for that later. "I'll see you soon, alright?"

I jogged back to the road. It was exciting to be in a city again after so long in the wilderness. I paused as I started to walk off. It would be better to mark where we'd left the path instead of depending on my own memory. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. I widened my stance and tried to feel the earth. Stability, substance. I stomped one foot and felt a rock push out of the ground just off the edge of the road. Perfect! It wouldn't be any time at all before my bending was back to normal.

I crossed through the city's gates with a nod and smile for the guards, stopped to ask directions from a woman carrying a basket of fresh bread. Nothing to see here, just a fire nation girl off to visit the market. It didn't take me long to reach the streets packed with vendors' carts. I found a dealer and exchanged some of the less valuable-looking things I'd taken from Tarrlok's house. Better not to convert it all to money right away. I had to ask directions again to find an apothecary, and the merchant was happy to direct me a few streets north to his cousin's shop. It was easy to spot the large painted sign reading 'Huang's Medicines,' and I stepped inside.

The chubby middle-aged woman behind the counter made a slight bow as I walked closer, which I returned. "What may I do for you, dear?"

"Well, I'm looking for some medicine. We ran out and I just don't know exactly what it was," I apologized.

"Certainly, certainly. And is this going to be for?"

"My, ah, older brother. He was burned pretty badly not long ago."

She pulled out a paper pad and began to take notes. "Now, depending on what we need it may take a little while to put the medicine together. Can I have a name so you can come pick it up later?"

"Kor- Korza," I said lamely.

"Oh, a Fire Nation girl, then?" Yes? Didn't my clothes say that loudly enough? "Don't mind me, dear. I was only asking because you had a Water Tribe look about you."

"I'm, uh, half Fire Nation. And half Water Tribe."

"And what can you tell me about your brother's burns?"

"The doctors had him taking some kind of pain medicine. Strong enough to knock him out for the night. I think it might have been something addictive." Her pen scribbled away as I talked. "And there was some kind of lotion for his scars. I don't know what was in it, but it smelled like herbs."

"So I know how much lotion to make, how much scarring are we dealing with? And if you don't mind me asking, how did your brother get burned? If it's still this serious, I'm surprised he's away from whoever treated him initially."

"Um. My family, we're on a trip to visit my father's parents up north. In the Water Tribe. My little brother fell into the campfire a few weeks ago, and I did my best to heal his burns. We stopped in a small town to see a doctor there, but the medicine he gave us is running out."

"Oh, you're a waterbender, then?"

"Yes, a bit. I'm not very good." I tried to wave it away. I was letting too much information out here.

"I think I should be able to put something together for you, love. It will take some time to prepare, but if you come back in an hour or two I should have it ready. Although," she paused, "it would be wonderful if you could bring your brother to see me himself. Your little brother, I think you said? I could see if there was anything else I could do for him."

I cautiously nodded and said some polite goodbyes as I backed out of the shop. Was I so on edge that I was imagining the way her smile didn't reach her eyes? Were her knuckles white where she held her pen? Just act calm. I managed to stroll away casually down the street heading back for the market district, but ducked into the first alley I saw. It was only minutes before her door cracked open, and she leaned out, peering in both directions. I slid back further into the shadows. She stepped out and let the door swing closed behind her, then turned to jog off down the street.

Damn! I fought back the urge to run as I made a beeline for the gate. Don't draw attention to yourself Korra. At least not more than you've already done. Smile, smile and walk quickly. No time to worry about food or carts or any of that. Just pray you get outside before they start stopping people on the street. I slowed as I came up to the gate, but the guards looked as unsuspicious as before. How much time did I have? It was a struggle not to jump at every set of footsteps behind me. Each one, I was certain, was the messenger coming to tell the guards to lock the gates. Go slowly and smile. Nothing suspicious here.

I couldn't even speed up after I'd gotten outside, but I did let myself relax a hair. So close. Just get out of sight and then you can run. A little more. A little more. I sprinted back down the road, my eyes glued to the side, looking for the rock I'd bent such a short while ago. There. I looked around, hunting for any possible watcher before I walked off into the woods. Why had we put our things so far from the road? It was impossible to move quickly with all these trees in the way and we couldn't afford to waste a minute. Finally, I burst into the clearing.

"Tarrlok, we need to run!"


	16. Chapter 16

Tarrlok

\--

I was halfway through figuring out how to one-handedly pitch the tent when I heard the crashing in the underbrush. It should have been too soon for Korra, but there was no mistaking her as she shoved her way past the branches. She was breathing hard and her face was bright red. What had happened?

"Tarrlok, we need to run!"

Run? Why? I started to ask the question, but she was already shoving past and talking over me. "Why would you mess the packs up? We don't have time for this!" She grabbed the tent and began messily shoving it back into its bag, muttering all the while about how I shouldn't make things harder for her, especially when I'd never be able to set up the campsite myself, and it would have been so much easier if-

"Korra," I finally cut in, "Why don't you tell me what's happened."

It only took a few minutes to run down through everything that had happened in town. I tried not to sigh. This all might have been avoided if she'd only taken the trouble to listen. Judging from the way she blushed and wouldn't meet my eyes, I would have been willing to bed she thought so too. She was done reloading our packs by then and shouldered hers as she stood to leave.

"Without the medicine? Korra-" I cut myself off and rubbed my forehead. It wasn't entirely her fault. Not entirely. She was already beginning to mumble excuses, but it wasn't the time. there were more important things to take care of.

I held up a hand to stop her. "Wait. If you really got out of the city so quickly, we can take the time to plan. Lack of planning was what got us into trouble in the first place." She glowered at that, but didn't say a word. I lowered myself to sit on the ground and closed my eyes to focus. "First, you need to get out of those clothes. Everyone will be looking for them by the time day's over. It's a pity we don't have anything we could use to dye your hair. Did anyone see you coming back this way?"

She shrugged as she wriggled out of her pants. "Nobody was around to see where I went into the woods. We're fine."

"Yes, but did they see you on the road? I'm assuming you were running."

"I don't know! I was looking for the marker. It doesn't even matter now!"

I took my time as I pulled my heavy, concealing cloak from my bag and put it on. "It matters because people will remember that. Otherwise they might not have known what gate you used. We'll have to assume that searchers will be coming this way soon."

Korra was dressed by now and danced from foot to foot with impatience. "That just means we need to go now!"

"If we run off without thinking, we're just making ourselves easy targets." I paused to think. "Are you able to use earthbending to see, the way Police Chief Beifong can?"

"I could," she said reluctantly, "But not anymore. It feels like trying to hear through a brick wall. Not good for anything."

"I wouldn't say that. Even a little warning could be invaluable. Would you be willing to walk barefoot, just in case? We're solidly in Earth Kingdom territory, so we can't ignore the possibility that similarly skilled earthbenders will be joining the search for us. Korra, as an earthbender, what would you suggest to throw them off the scent?"

That stopped her fidgeting for a moment. After a minute of thought she suggested, "Water? What if we crossed the river? It's difficult to see through the riverbed."

I brightened at the idea. "That's a thought! But how will we cross? We'll be clearly visible if anyone is watching."

"I know exactly how. Sifu Katara showed me a trick she and Avatar Aang used to use. We just have to go under the water."

It wasn't perfect, but I couldn't think of anything better. "Let's go, then. It will take a while to reach the shore from this far inland, and we've already spent more time than we can afford." How long would it be? It had been a long while since I'd seen a map of the area, but it had to be at least a few hours. It was too bad that with everything Miss Sato had given us, a map hadn't been included. That was a strange oversight.

Korra set a pace I would have had trouble keeping when we first left the city, but days of endless walking must have done me some good. Even with the dizziness and nausea weighing down on me, I was able to match her step for step. She went along barefoot with her boots held loosely in one hand. The ground was littered with twigs, rocks and other debris, but she seemed unconcerned. "Doesn't that hurt your feet?"

She looked confused for a moment, then laughed. "Oh, no! Especially after doing all my training in the South Pole. If you can go without shoes down there, you can do it anywhere. Your feet just toughen up over time."

I hesitated. "Would it help your earthbending to think back to those lessons? If it's like with water, just having the right mindset could help your bending."

"I know, I know. Of course I've already tried it. I just don't remember enough about what they told me. Bending's always been about the forms and moves, you know? I never needed the other stuff, so I never listened."

"You can't recall even a little? Perhaps it might help to talk through it, the way we did with waterbending."

She groaned. "Really, it's almost nothing. Earthbending is about strength. Determination. Endurance. That's all I've got."

Ah. That certainly wasn't much. "What if you contrasted it with waterbending?" She rolled her eyes. "I'm not trying to be difficult. I would just rather prefer if you had the ability to sense whether anyone is sneaking up on us," I added dryly.

That made her smile a little. "Well, waterbending. That's about adaption and redirection."

"Where an earthbender would stand firm and wait something out instead."

Korra laughed. "You'd make an awful earthbender!"

"Awful? I think I'd do a creditable job."

"You'd be really bad at it. Think about it! Your personality is all water. You're the slipperiest person I know."

"Slippery?" I tried to protest.

"Yes, slippery. You'd wriggle your way out of anything. That's what you've been doing since I met you."

"I was just... being sensible. I did what any person would do."

"Not what an earthbender would do. They would have been straightforward about trying to get me to join their task force instead of trying to find a way to work around me. We would have just gone head to head!"

"You're the one who doesn't sound like a waterbender," I teased. "Are you sure you were really raised in the South Pole? Finding a way around obstacles is the interesting part of life."

"That's interesting? When you could just smash through them instead?"

"What happens when you run into a problem you can't take down like that? You'd be throwing yourself into a losing fight instead of doing something sensible."

"Sensible like abducting the Avatar to start a new life in a distant land?" Her eyes were thoughtful. "I can see what you mean, though. What an earthbender would do is ground themselves and endure."

"Endure until you can't take any more and lose, you mean?"

She laughed. "I suppose, but that' s not a good attitude. You're stable, like a rock. If you're grounded and centered, things just wash over you. You're don't have to avoid it, you just push right through."

I shook my head. "You sound like more of an earthbender than a waterbender. Of course given my personal experiences with your temper I'd be willing to bet you're a natural firebender."

"The bending always came easily. I really don't know about the spiritual stuff, though. Growing up in the South Pole definitely helped with the waterbending, and I remember a little of the earthbending, but after that I'm completely lost." She frowned. "I figured by that point that the spiritual side wasn't for me, so I just stopped listening."

"I don't know, it seems like you've made a decent start on earth. It might be hard to keep it straight in your head, but you've been talking to me this whole time about what earthbenders are and aren't."

That made Korra smile. We passed the rest of the time to the river discussing this new bending philosophy. It wasn't hard to stay interested. The more I heard, the more alien it sounded. Perhaps I wouldn't be a good earthbender after all. It was useless to ask her to describe the basic principles of earthbending, but she was able to answer all my questions about particulars. She didn't know as much as she had about waterbending, but I thought she might be able to get a handle on seeing through the earth again.

When we came to the edge of the forest on the river shore I stopped back within the trees while Korra inched out to look up and down the banks. When she finally beckoned me forward and we stepped out toward the water, I was struck by sudden doubt. Was her bending really that much better than it had been? If her concentration broke when we were out in the middle of the river, we'd be stranded. Weighed down by a heavy pack and cloak, missing an arm, and without my bending... I wouldn't stand a chance. But Korra was pulling me by the wrist and as we moved away from the cover of the trees I could practically feel eyes burning into the back of my neck. It was better to get out of sight quickly.

No matter how damaged her bending might have been, she moved with confidence. The dome of water spun over us as we stepped into the riverbed and it was only seconds before we were out of sight below the surface. It was slow. I didn't want to do anything to break Korra's concentration and however fast she felt comfortable walking was just fine with me. I didn't say a word and even tried to breath quietly. At first occasional dribbles of water dripped onto my head, or I could see uneasy ripples flowing over her bubble, but she improved quickly. In minutes, the dome was smooth and stable and she felt confident enough to try to continue our conversation.

I didn't feel quite so comfortable and made noncommittal one-word answers to her questions. We crossed the river largely in silence. The sweep of her arms was almost hypnotic. Even if she thought like an earthbender, she had all the grace of a waterbender. I trailed behind her, watching every smallest movement of her arms and hands as she shaped the water. When I realized that the ground was sloping up under our feet, it snapped me out of my reverie. I tried to warn Korra that we needed to be careful of watchers, but all she did was shrug.

"Not much I can do about it from here. We'll just head for the trees as quickly as possible."

Of course. Probably what I should have expected from Korra by now. I tried to look for watchers as we dashed for the forest edge, but I couldn't see anything by the fading evening light. As soon as we found a good clearing for the night she dropped her pack and went back to the river to catch fish. This time I managed to get the tent halfway up before she came back with our dinner. She still sighed, but when she saw how far I'd gotten in setting it up I thought she perhaps looked just a little impressed.

The meal was a quiet affair. The fire burned down to embers quickly and we finished eating by the light of the full moon. I was exhausted and I was sure she must be too. It was hard to believe so much had happened in one day. My eyes drifted shut as she healed me. I'd been too preoccupied to feel the need for the medicine as strongly as before, but it was starting to gnaw painfully in my gut. I just wanted to lie down and think over everything that had happened, but there was no mistaking the look in Korra's eye as she poured out two cups of the pregnancy preventing tea. Oh no. Not now.

I drained my cup in two gulps, and tried to turn to head for bed. She grabbed my shoulder before I could stand and pulled me back toward her. She laughed, "Tarrlok, what's the rush? We have time for some fun now."

As she tried to stretch up to kiss me, I turned and brushed her hand away. "No, Korra."

That took her by surprise. I stood and paused only long enough to collect my things before ducking into the tent. Of course she'd set our furs up in a single jumbled mess. I tried to kick half of them away, but I could hear her coming and just lay down on the edge of the pile facing the wall. I could feel her standing in the entrance and watching me, but shut my eyes and tried my level best to sleep.

It was no good, of course. There was a brief rustling of cloth and I could feel her lay down behind me and nestle against my back, completely naked. She molded herself against me and reached around to take my hand in hers and gently caress my fingers. "Come on now, what's the problem?" I didn't answer and she dropped my hand to grope for the buttons of my shirt. "Don't you want this? Me?"

I gave in and answered. "No, Korra. I don't."

She froze against me for a short moment before she pressed herself closer. "Of course you do. I know you do."

I sat up, pushing her hands away. "You want to know why I don't want this, Korra? You want me to tell you? It's because you're going to wake up tonight hating me with every bone in your body and perfectly willing to tell me just what you think of me. I could try to justify what I've done, but you know what? You can go on thinking whatever you want. I'm the heartless villain in your personal story."

She opened her mouth to say something, but I cut her off before she could interrupt. "I'm not saying you're wrong about anything. You can think what you want and I don't have the energy to argue. But for some reason I don't really want to sleep with someone who hates me like this. If you don't want to accept my apologies, why did you sleep with me? If you did this out of some twisted kind of pity, I want it even less. So please let me just go to bed."

I could hardly see her face in the darkness, but I could feel the tension coming off her body. She took a deep breath and exploded. "You bastard! So it's all my fault I have nightmares? It's my fault somebody kidnapped me and dragged me to a cage way off in the woods? You're going to blame me for everything you did? I see what you're doing. It's my fault because I tried to stop you from breaking the law-"

"Korra. Believe whatever you want. Please. I said everything I care to last night after you yelled at me for an hour or so. All I am saying if this is how you feel, I have no intention of sleeping with you. Excuse me."

I stood and stepped around her, grabbing a few furs and dragging them to the far side of the tent. I was so tired I'd thought I would fall asleep right away, but I lay awake for some time listening to Korra. I had expected shouting and accusations, but there was nothing but stunned silence punctuated by restless shifting. It was some time before I felt myself drift off.

The next thing I knew was the sound of Korra crying. It was hard not to roll over and open my arms to her, but I held myself back. I couldn't expect things to go any better than they had last night, and it was quite possible it would be much worse. She didn't say a word, but I wasn't able to rest again until I heard her breathing slip into the easy rhythm of sleep.

We barely talked in the morning. I wished with all my heart she'd managed to buy the medicine before leaving Iruma City. I just needed a little relief. Just a sip. Something to take the pain away for an hour or two. Korra hovered over me for some time, pouring the healing into my body. It helped, but I couldn't tell if the dizziness and nausea were better or if I was just getting used to them.

Even as we began walking north we said almost nothing. She declared her intention of practicing earthbending, and I let her do it in peace. I wasn't about to come crawling to her, begging her to forgive my misdeeds and take me back. It hurt. I had though perhaps she wanted... something about me. Why had she even done it? What would possess her to sleep with a man she hated? Would she even be able to tell me? The day passed with almost no words between us.

Things were no more comfortable that evening. She took a break to heal me again before walking to the river for fish. I sat on a fallen tree trunk and considered what I could do to set up the camp before she got back. The tent took too long and she'd never let me finish. I could arrange the firewood and kindling for her, but that was too simple. I was standing and wandering over to the pack holding the tent when I heard the sound of cracking stone and the ground fell away beneath me before closing tightly around my shoulders.

I couldn't turn to look, but there were footsteps. Too many footsteps.

"Captain, we've found him!"


	17. Chapter 17

Korra

\--

I could feel things getting better. It was almost more than I could have hoped for. Even though Tarrlok hadn't said anything about it, I had been painfully aware of how clumsy my bending had been when we began the river crossing. As we'd moved further on, though, I'd improved. It wasn't so hard any longer to think like a waterbender. Balance. Flexibility. Did everyone have to learn to think this way to bend? It was still strange to imagine every bender in the world training themselves to follow a philosophy as well as to fight.

Even after I'd started to make progress, I would have said it was more trouble than it was worth. A little improvement wasn't worth the irritation of having to think in a special way just to bend. But the more I practiced, the more I improved. I could forget about fire and air for now, and I could ignore earth except to watch for soldiers like Tarrlok wanted. The feeling of water was better than anything I might have imagined.

I took my time catching our dinner. Once I had a few fish flopping on the banks I turned back to the river. The sky was growing darker and I hadn't seen any watchers on the banks the whole time I'd been there. It was glorious to step through my forms and feel the water answer me. Push and pull. In those moments I really understood the nature of waterbending, I thought I had more power than ever had before. I couldn't test my strength here, but if I had wanted it seemed I could have changed the course of the whole river. The full moon made my heart race, even though it wasn't over the horizon yet. The flow of the water felt like my own pulse. When I closed my eyes, it was almost as if the river was an extension of my own body.

I felt a little guilty when I realized just how much time I'd wasted. I stepped out of the shallows, trying to turn my mind to something besides the way I could feel the water curl around my ankles. I didn't want to leave waterbending behind me, but I'd forgotten all about watching the area with earthbending while I was in the river. I sat down to clean the fish and tried to remember how an earthbender would think.

As much as I could tell myself to be stable, to patiently wait, it wasn't easy. How could I stop moving when I could feel the river's current just yards away? It took a long time to focus. I didn't want to center myself, I wanted to flow like the water. I wasn't able to think like a proper earthbender until I was ready to head back to our camp. The area where I could see slowly spread outward from my feet. It took a moment to realize when I felt the first pair of feet. A mistake. I must be seeing wrong. I had just about convinced myself I was wrong when I felt more feet. Then more.

I put all my effort into remembering how to be an earthbender as I broke into a run. I was too rattled to do it well. I couldn't be stable and endure when my mind was racing trying to figure out what had gone wrong. Where was the camp? Where was Tarrlok? I tried to stretch my awareness further forward. Metal. Shoes. No earthbending soldier would fight like that. I was almost ready to believe there weren't any benders around to track us, but as I got closer I could feel the softer shape of bare feet.

I was close. If I could find Tarrlok and we went back to the river, we could break away. If we just took an hour to walk further downstream and cross to the other bank again, they'd have a hard time tracking us. I just had to get to the camp and we could run. Where was Tarrlok? He couldn't know how close the soldiers were. Why hadn't I kept him with me? I'd known there was a risk of being found, and I should have made sure I'd be able to protect him.

I was so distracted by looking ahead that I had lost track of what was nearby. It was a shock when the soldiers stepped out from behind a tree, striking a stance with rocks at the ready. My first instinct was to fight, but I stumbled as I reached for water, remembered there was none nearby, and tried to bend the earth instead. My head was already spinning and trying to push and pull the ground did me no good. I had to pause and reorient myself, but that moment was long enough. The stone locked around my ankles and tipped me forward. As I fell to my knees, the earth rose up around my hands.

Once I was free, then I could fight. I was just getting ready to bend my way out, but the soldiers hesitated. "Avatar Korra?" one of them asked. Of course it's me. Who else could a mob of earthbending soldiers have been looking for in the middle of the woods like this? I nodded as I tried to collect myself to break out of the earth, but the soldiers nodded at each other and the stones fell away from my hands and feet. As I stood, they bowed deeply. "Our apologies, Avatar! If you wouldn't mind, our commander wishes to extend an invitation for you meet with him."

It took a moment to collect my thoughts. "An invitation?"

"Indeed. We have secured your campsite and met your... companion. Everything has been taken care of. Commander Qiang has expressed a great desire to speak to you. He is waiting by your tent." Without waiting for an answer, they turned and headed back through the trees.

I didn't have much choice but to follow them. If the commander was at our campsite, I could stop to talk or I could press on without my belongings. Wonderful. But why were the soldiers being so... polite? Wasn't their goal to capture the runaway Avatar? Maybe they just wanted me to drop my guard, but they'd already caught me by surprise. Was it possible that there hadn't been trouble over how Tarrlok and I had left Republic City? That hardly seemed possible, but perhaps we could just slip away in the night. Perhaps.

When we finally came to the clearing where I'd left Tarrlok and the packs, I found myself staring at a huge bonfire with silhouetted figures milling around it. One shape was unmistakeable. "Naga!" Her head shot up at the sound of my voice, and she tore away from the man holding her leads, barreling towards me and knocking over everyone in her path. She whined frantically as she licked and sniffed at my face. I got down on my knees to rub her stomach as she rolled onto her back. She craned around to keep licking me and wriggled even closer to me. "Have you been a good girl while I was gone, then?" I hadn't really known how much I missed her until I got to see her again.

It took me by surprise when I heard someone clear their throat and looked up at what had to be the commander. I gave Naga one last scratch and stood. "Commander Qiang, I'm assuming?"

"Young Avatar. It is a surprise to meet you in this part of the world."

I could hardly see anything with the light behind him. I circled slowly, so that I might see who I was talking to. "You know Avatar business. It can take you to all kinds of unusual place."

"I assure you, there is no need to dissemble." He gestured vaguely to the side. "Your friends have already told me the whole of the matter. We've neutralized Councilman Tarrlok, so you have nothing to worry about."

It was a shock to recognize Bolin, Mako, and Asami down near the fire. Bolin waved sheepishly at me as the others just watched. But what was that behind them? It looked like a person trapped in a column of rock. "Is that Tarrlok? You don't need to do that!"

"No need to concern yourself with that, Avatar. We took him by surprise. He never even had a chance to bend. Just to be careful, we've blindfolded him too, but you don't need to fret. We know what precautions to take with a bloodbender."

"I swear that isn't necessary."

The commander frowned and took a step closer. "Avatar Korra, I am aware of how a relationship of this kind can affect a person."

"A- A relationship?" I stammered. "There's no relationship. Nothing like that."

"It is quite difficult to spend such time with a person without feeling some sympathy for them. Even after being kidnapped, I can see that he's persuaded you to see things as he does. Rest assured that these feelings will fade with time. When we return you to Republic City you'll never have to deal this man again."

"No, you don't understand. I don't want to go back to Republic City."

He sighed. "I'm afraid that is not a factor. The armies of every nation and the United Forces are all searching for you with strict orders to send you back to your home. The whole world has been searching for you since your kidnapping."

"I wasn't kidnapped!"

"Please, Avatar. We've had the whole story already. You don't need to pretend. Trust me, everything will seem better once you're back with your guardians. One way or another, you will be returning to Republic City."

I bit back a reply. All the feet in the forest had been converging on the clearing and a worrying number were collected behind me. Could I take them out? Perhaps. There were so many, though. Maybe I could have done it before, but it would be a long shot now. The commander was ready for me to fight. I didn't miss the way he was poised on the balls of his feet. I couldn't win this fight. Instead I did my best to put on a sweet smile and hoped he couldn't tell how forced it was. "Of course. It was only the surprise of the moment. It will be good to see Tenzin and his family again. Please, may I go speak to my friends now?"

Commander Qiang still looked wary, but nodded. I headed toward Mako and the others and felt the solders behind my back take a step to follow me. I whirled and glared. "A little privacy, if you don't mind. I only want to talk to my friends." They all looked to the commander instead of at me, and I could just see him waving them off from the corner of my eye. It was better than nothing. As I walked down toward the fire my friends stepped forward to meet me.

Bolin was the first to sweep me up into a hug. "Korra! It's good to see you!"

Mako and Asami followed him with quieter greetings and I started to answer, but saw all three of them staring over my shoulder. I turned to find the soldiers had been edging closer. "I'm just saying hello," I snapped. "Are you waiting for me to run off into the night without food or shelter? Give me some space." Again, they didn't move until the commander signaled to them. So this was the respect the Avatar was going to get.

I sighed and sat down, Naga leaning up against my back. The others came close, all looking nervously at each other while I looked down at my hands. Asami finally broke the silence. "Korra, what are you doing so far north?" she whispered. "You told us you were going south."

"Of course I told you that! That way when you told them where I was they'd be looking for me in the wrong spot."

Mako groaned and rubbed his temples. "So you didn't think about the fact that we'd try to lie to protect you? That, just maybe, we would try to help you-"

Asami waved him off. "Listen. Right now, I want you to look me in the eyes. I want you to tell me, honestly, whether you though we had any chance of getting through to your uncle."

I opened my mouth to lie. I stopped. It was too hard to maintain that eye contact and I dropped my gaze to my hands. "I didn't know. I thought there could be small a chance, but I know there must have been a lot of Navy ships out there."

"Every ship out there was hunting for us! If they hadn't been worried they might kill the Avatar, I think would have sunk us. They literally tore our ship to pieces looking for you."

"I'm sorry-"

"Never mind sorry. Tell me, right now, why you decided to treat us like that."

Mako was looking at me as intently as Asami, but Bolin just stared away into the fire. I took a deep breath. "I can't. All I can say is that I was desperate and though I'd found a way to fix something. It was selfish. I know it was. I took advantage of you when you trusted me."

"That's what I thought." Abruptly, Asami stood up and walked away. I wanted to follow her, to say something to make things better between us, but I had no idea what that could be. Bolin and Mako shifted uncomfortably, and we sat without talking for some time.

When Mako reached out to touch my arm, I jumped. "Korra, sorry. Have you been alright? Has it been safe travelling with him?" He jerked his head over toward a pile of rock I had missed in the evening gloom. The fire didn't light much, but I thought I could just see a head poking out of the top.

"Is that Tarrlok? Why are they keeping him like that?"

"Shh," Bolin hissed. "Remember, you had us tell them you fixed his bending? You'll be in a lot of trouble if they realize that's not true."

"No, I mean yes, but it's not good for his body. It hasn't been easy trying to heal him and that has to hurt-"

Mako interrupted. "Korra, that's not important right now."

His hand was still on my arm. I edged away. "It is important. The point of this whole adventure was to help him." Mako sighed and rolled his eyes, but before he could say a word I changed the subject. "Why are you even here? Didn't you get locked up after being captured?"

"Well, yes," Bolin said, "Only they wanted to try using Naga to track you. They let us out after a few days because Naga wouldn't let anyone else handle her."

"Hold on. You helped them find me?"

"We didn't have a choice!"

"Of course you had a choice! You could have tried telling them 'no!'"

Mako cut in, "Korra. If you'll remember, we thought you were on the other side of the continent. We were trying to do anything we could to help you."

"You've done a wonderful job! I've been doing everything possible to run away, and you've been using my own polar bear dog to hunt me down. "

I could tell he was angry. Bolin was looking into the fire again. Mako reached out again and I slapped his hand away. "Fine!" he snarled. "It's good to know just how grateful you are. Spirits know you hardly asked anything of us."

He stomped away in the same direction Asami had gone. I could see Bolin's eyes flickering between me and the fire. When I finally whispered, "Bolin," he jumped. "Listen. I know haven't treated you all well. I can't do more right now than say how sorry I am. I've been trying to make things better and I only made them much worse. I can't give up now. I have to at least try to fix everything."

His shoulders were hunched uncomfortably forward, but he met my eyes. "What are you going to do?"

I shook my head. "I can't tell you. It wouldn't be fair to involve you further." He started to protest, but I raised a hand. "Not even if you want to help. I never should have forced you into this, and at least I can protect you now. I need you to stay out of the way tonight. Tell Mako and Asami to be careful too. Nobody will be able to blame you."

He looked at me without speaking for some time. "I don't like it, but I'll do it." He reached out and squeezed my hand just once. "You're strong. You can handle it. I still trust you."

My eyes stung. "Thank you, Bolin. I hope things will be right again soon. I'm going to do my best. Please, keep apologizing for me to the others."

I rose, and Naga stood with me. It only took a moment to find the commander, and I stomped over to him, my gaggle of soldiers trailing behind like turtle ducklings. "Commander Qiang!" He turned to face me and made a slight bow. "I need to see the prisoner."

"Absolutely not," he said smoothly. "As a bloodbender, ex-councilman Tarrlok is an unusually high risk. He will remain bound and blindfolded until he is returned to Republic City."

"I was appointed as his healer by the city council. I have not completed that work yet. It would go against every moral I have to leave him in pain like this. He needs my attentions."

"I've already given you my answer, Avatar."

"Commander, please understand that I came to you willingly and have made no effort to escape or free Tarrlok. You've called me the Avatar a few times, but do you realize what that means? I have enough power to take out all your soldiers with barely a fight." He looked skeptical, but I pressed on. "I know his crimes. I know firsthand what he is capable of. I only want to do my duty."

"A compromise, then. He stays trapped and blindfolded, and you use no earthbending. My soldiers will move the rocks for where necessary."

Good enough. I nodded once and spun, heading off toward Tarrlok and leaving my personal guard to follow behind me. I beckoned impatiently at the first one with bare feet. "I need access to his arms and shoulders. And steps. He's too tall for me to reach all of him like this"

"Orders are that he's not to have free use of his hand, ma'am."

I sighed. "Then keep his hand pinned at first and let me work on it when you've trapped the rest of his arm. Not too difficult, I hope" The young man stammered an apology as he worked. I felt a little bad, but I didn't have many pleasant feelings toward anyone in this camp at the minute.

As the soldier bent the rock, I climbed up and pulled the water from the skin at my hip. Tarrlok wasn't doing well. As the stone supporting him fell away, he slumped forward against me. He tried to straighten himself, but he seemed clumsy and disoriented. I did my best to support him as I did the healing work. Just like the first days together, wasn't it?

His condition improved as I worked. Being stuck in rock hadn't done much to help him, but a lot of the problem was the drug. Perhaps I could look for more before leaving the camp, but I doubted they'd give me any if I said it was for Tarrlok. Once I tried to ask him a question, but he gave me a barely perceptible shake of his head. The young soldier cut in that I wasn't to speak to the prisoner. My perch shifted as they bent rock back up around his chest and shoulders I pretended to fall forward. I had just enough time to whisper, "I'm going to save you," before straightening myself and climbing back down to the ground. I thanked the soldiers politely and went back toward the fire.

I sent a man running for my and Tarrlok's packs. I had a handle on watching my guard through the earth by then, and I could feel every soldier tense and shift their weight. Not now. Not while they were waiting for it. I only rummaged enough to dig out a fur to sit on as I leaned against Naga. After some time, a woman from the guard approached me to ask if I'd care for anything to eat. I said that would be wonderful, and was careful to be polite when I asked for some privacy while I relaxed with Naga. She just seemed grateful I was calmer than before and gladly agreed.

I wouldn't be able to play the willing little prisoner for long, but I only needed an hour or so. All I wanted was a moon high in the sky and soldiers exhausted from a long day of hunting. It was a long time to waste, but I tried to plan ahead. I only had a little water in my skin, but if I could reach the river I'd have an unlimited supply. If worst came to worst, I could even pull it from the trees and plants. That would have been out of my reach a few days ago, but I felt strong enough to manage it now. I could find water.

It might be riskier to depend upon earthbending. I could manage the basics, but it was still so hard to keep my focus, and as soon as I lost concentration it would have been better not to try earthbending at all. Fire would be the most dangerous. I hadn't worked on it at all, and it would be a disaster to lose control and start a forest fire. No, I couldn't firebend at all right now.

Well, this could work even with nothing but water. That was all I needed to escape the camp, and once we had space to run I could use Naga. There was a thought! Even if Tarrlok was moving better, he still had his limits. Naga could run all day carrying me and the meat from my hunts on her back, and adding Tarrlok couldn't be that much of a difference. We could be at the coast in just a few days! I was just beginning to feel confident about my plan when I was interrupted. Mako abruptly sat down beside me.

"Korra, we need to talk."


	18. Chapter 18

Korra

\--

Mako was angry and doing a bad job of hiding it. I didn't have the time now to talk him into a good mood and I'd already told Bolin I couldn't involve everyone further. "We don't need to talk right now."

"I think we do, because you're about to go off and do something else stupid. I can't let you do that."

"Let?? If you're just going to talk like that, I think it's better if you leave."

He sighed and shook his head. "Fine, that was a bad choice of words. I don't know exactly what you're planning, but from what Bolin said it has to be dangerous and I'm sure you haven't thought it through all the way."

"I've thought enough. If you've been listening to Bolin, you already know that I'm not involving you two or Asami."

"Korra, there will be consequences and there is nothing to save you this time. Even if everyone accepts our story of how you left the city, there's nothing to explain this away. Every military in the world is looking for you by now. Even the Northern Water Tribe. Even your uncle. Whatever you do tonight, there's nowhere left for you to run."

He saw the look on my face and before I could say a word he captured my hands in his. "I'm worried, Korra! You know I care about you. You know it." He paused, expecting some response, but I had nothing for him. I could remember the way my heart used to pound and how my breath used to catch when he looked at me, but I couldn't find that feeling anymore. I looked away into the fire and after a long moment he dropped his eyes from mine to stare at our hands. "You've changed."

Had I? It had taken a long time to feel like myself again after Amon took my bending. Even after the trip to the South Pole I hadn't felt well, though I'd managed to pretend in front of Tenzin and my friends. But everything had still been wrong, and after I left the city, that's when I'd seemed to be me again. Was I really so different from before? I'd almost felt like the same person until I tried to talk to my friends again. It hadn't even been a month since I'd abandoned my duties and sent them off on a dangerous, hopeless trip, but the girl who'd done that felt like a complete stranger.

Mako was still waiting for me to say something, but I could only shrug. He dropped my hands. I watched the flames flicker and leaned back against Naga. Finally he said, "What was it?"

"Huh?"

"What did this to you?" He jerked his head toward Tarrlok. "Was it him?"

"What? No-- Mako, I don't know why you think I'm changed. Maybe I've just grown up a little. This whole thing was irresponsible and an awful idea and I never should have dragged you into this. I wish I could just go home to Republic City. I wish we could play as a pro-bending team again and worry about nothing more serious than winning the tournament, but we can't. I started this, and I can see now that I shouldn't have, but I'm not going to abandon Tarrlok here. I could have used my standing to defend him from inside the city, but I decided to go have an adventure and got him into this mess. I'm not going to abandon him to die now and if that's what you're asking me to do, then you're not the person I thought you were either."

"Korra--"

"I'm not going to argue about this anymore. I don't have time. Just stay out of the way tonight."

He rubbed his forehead. "Whatever you're planning, it's not going to work. There are too many of them."

"No."

"You can't fix it just by acting like a child! This is going to go very badly for you and you're going to get hurt."

I looked into his eyes. "I have nothing to worry about. Trust me, they won't stand a chance. I will be the one doing my best not to hurt anyone, which is why I am telling you to stay out of my way!"

I refused to answer any of his other questions about what I was planning. It was better this way. After a while, I did ask him one thing. "Mako, what does fire mean to you?"

"It's life. Passion. Everything beautiful." He reached out to touch my shoulder. "You've always reminded me of fire." I edged away from his hand, staring down at the ground. After a long moment, his hand dropped and he just sat there watching me. Finally he stood and slouched away, and I was careful not to notice the long looks he gave me over his shoulder as he left. There were more important things now. I needed to be a waterbender.

The moon was rising, and even though I couldn't see it through the trees I could feel it shining down on me. I lay back against Naga and shut my eyes. I'd never been good at meditation, but I still needed to wait. Once my breathing was steady and slow, I spread my awareness and searched for the water.

The river in the distance was the first thing I could feel, then little streams and ponds here and there among the trees. The water at my hip, the drinking water for the soldiers, even a stray cloud or two in the sky. That was a good start, but I needed to go further. The small plants were the easiest, and it wasn't long before I could the sluggish flow of water in each stem and vine. The trees were next, the water branching from the trunk into every separate leaf. I could feel it all. Where I'd seen dry, useless forest, now I could feel the sea of water surrounding me. Sifu Katara had told me for years how much water was always nearby, but I'd never known. Not like this.

The last step was the hardest. It wasn't difficult to find the water, but every instinct and moral screamed for me not to do it. I took a deep breath and pressed on. After finding the water in the plants, it was child's play to feel it in every man in the camp. I didn't rush things. If there was ever a time to be careful, this was certainly it. I couldn't afford to make a single mistake. I sat for some time, letting the flow of each individual pulse wash over me. It was frightening, but exhilarating to feel the flow of the water shift as a person walked, sat, moved. It would take a delicate touch. I was nervous, but once I realized how the water had to move, there was no reason to delay longer.

I rose and went looking for Commander Qiang, Naga padding beside me. My distant escort of guards trailed along as well, but I ignored them for the moment. Where were Asami, Mako, and Bolin? I could feel them off sitting together in a distant tent. Good. It was better if they didn't see this. The commander was speaking quietly to several of his soldiers when I interrupted them.

"I'm leaving, and Tarrlok is going with me."

His eyebrows shot up as he looked at me. "Admirably straightforward, but I'm afraid we cannot accommodate you. Both of you will be returning back to Republic City with us." I didn't need earthbending to feel the soldiers behind me move. I could feel their arms flex, their weight shift. "I feel compelled to remind you that being the Avatar does not give you free rein over the world. Avatars have been taken down by common benders many times before." He grinned broadly. "Not a threat, just a fact."

I hadn't expected cooperation. I raised my hands to bend. The muscles in his neck strained as he tried to move, but it was useless. It took a long moment for the other soldiers to realize what was happening and then it was too late. I spread my bending wider and wider, freezing each man and woman in place before they could move to attack. It was hardly more difficult than bending pure water. I'd worried there might be some trouble in taking care of the whole camp, but I was surprised at how easy it had been when I reached the borders and realized there were no more soldiers. They felt like little dolls. I could feel them struggling to move, but it took no effort to hold them still, to lift them into the air. There were no words, no movement, just the sound of strained breathing from every soldier I held. It was all so simple!

I caught myself smiling in triumph and realized with a sick lurch that this must have been how Tarrlok felt when he bent me. When I held them like this, they hardly felt like people and it was so tempting to just play with them like I might play with plain water or earth. I thought about what I might have done to people I actually disliked and shuddered. It was better to get this over with quickly. Unconsciousness swept through the camp, and I took a moment to ensure that I'd done no permanent damage before letting everyone fall to the ground.

After so long sitting and feeling the water in them, the trees and plants around me felt like old friends, but I had work to do. I drained the water away from tree after tree, pulling it down and icing every soldier's arms and legs to the ground. Perhaps they'd realize that I did everything I could to escape without hurting anyone, or perhaps they'd only remember that I'd learned to bloodbend. When I was finished, the plants and trees all around the campsite had disappeared without a whisper. Asami and the others were still talking in the tent. None of the soldiers were conscious yet, but I needed to run before any of them woke up.

It took a little while to find the tent with the medical supplies. I didn't know exactly what would be best, but after worrying about which to choose I just tossed the most promising-looking jars into our packs. I went to Tarrlok, carefully bending the rock away and whispering reassurances as he collapsed into my arms. His breathing was shallow and I worried at the way his eyes hardly seemed to focus on me. I gently kissed his forehead and promised that I'd stop to heal him as soon as we were safe.

Naga knelt down as I tied our packs onto her saddle, then helped Tarrlok onto the seat. I climbed up behind him and was trying to think of anything else we might need when I felt my friends move. Their pulses jumped, and they were standing moving toward their tent flap. We needed to run. I urged Naga onward, off toward the river, ignoring the cries coming from behind me. I'd done it! We were free now.


	19. Chapter 19

Tarrlok  
\--  
It was difficult to say how long had passed. I had been blindfolded, gagged, and trapped in so much rock that I could barely breathe. It hurt. How much was the medicine Korra hadn't been able to replace and how much was my prison? I hardly cared anymore. I just needed it to stop. I tried to imagine that I'd been there for hours, that the ordeal would soon be over. I tried to distract myself with the scraps of conversation I could hear from the camp, but it was impossible to focus on anything else for more than a few moments. I had no idea how long it had been. Everything hurt. I wished I could just slip away into unconsciousness the way I had done back in the hospital, but I remained painfully awake.  
Perhaps I slept eventually. I was certain I was dreaming when I heard Korra's voice mixed with the voices of my guards. Why would she be here after all this time? It had been hours or days or weeks-- I had just decided I must be hallucinating when the stone fell away from my chest, and before I could even try to catch myself I was falling forward.  
Korra was there. I could tell it was her. She caught me against her chest and held me there. I could feel her hair brushing against my cheek and her muscles shifting as she adjusted her balance. I was trying to mumble incoherent questions before I remembered the gag, and instead I waited expectantly for her to explain what was happening, tell me something about what I could expect. She didn't say a word, but I gasped with relief as the chill of healing spread from her hands.  
I did make an effort to stand up straight on my own, but a wave of dizziness swept over me and I slumped back against her. The healing was helping. There was no doubt about that. As I felt better and better, I grew more impatient for her to say something, but there was nothing but silence. When I remembered the other guards, though, I understood. I could take away from this that she wasn't going to just let me suffer. Anything more would be a danger right now. Once, she leaned in to whisper a question to me, but I shook my head, trying to warn her off. A guard below snapped that she wasn't to speak to the prisoner, and I heard her snort. Her hands were gentle against my skin as she continued working, and I tried to imagine what she might be trying to tell me by touch when words were forbidden.  
Of course the healing had to end eventually, but I still felt a stab at the loss when her hands left me and the rock began to crawl up around my shoulders. I hadn't expected Korra to slip and fall against me, but the bigger shock was when she whispered that she was going save me. I tried to protest, but she'd already gone. That wasn't good. If she was making promises, she already had some sort of plan. Rather, it seemed she had a plan-like idea that wasn't anything resembling a well-considered, carefully-plotted plan of escape with an actual chance of success. She didn't have anything even close to patience, so I could be almost certain she'd try to break me free within a day. Couldn't she see that was what they were expecting? I wished desperately that she'd come back to see me, that I could find some way to warn her. At least I might be able to persuade her to wait until a few days had passed and my captors had let their guard down.  
It was a vain dream, of course. I was surprised that she'd been allowed to see me even once. We were badly outnumbered and these soldiers had to anticipating a clumsy, immediate escape attempt. I could only wait and hope that we wouldn't be punished too badly. There was only so long I could sit and fret, though, and at some point I passed into true sleep.   
When I woke up, Korra was there again. Even though I didn't feel as awful as before, she still had to catch me as I fell. She peeled the blindfold away from my face, and the first thing I saw was her grinning down at me, illuminated by dim firelight. It was difficult to focus. My vision swam as I tried to stand, and as soon as she'd untied the gag, she kissed me on the forehead and tucked herself under my arm to support me as she led me over to her polar bear dog.  
She helped me up into the leather saddle and jumped up behind to steady me before I'd even begun to fall. As the polar bear dog lurched to its feet and began loping through the camp, I took a look around. There were men scattered on the ground, each bound tightly down with ice. None of them looked conscious. Suddenly, we broke into a run and there were voices shouting behind us, but we were quickly leaving the camp behind us and approaching the dark line of trees.  
I didn't remember much of that nighttime ride. I fell asleep there, leaning back against Korra's chest, only waking up here or there for a blurred sight of dim moonlight filtering through trees or a wall of swirling, dark water. I badly wanted to ask Korra to heal me again, but this wasn't the time to distract her. Being caught at this point would be worse than being caught failing to escape from the camp. I dozed, letting Korra support me, and tried to ignore the pain.  
When I properly woke up there was daylight and Korra was healing me. I was lying down with my shirt open, and her hands were moving carefully over my chest. There were dark circles under her eyes, but she smiled when she saw I was awake.  
"Good morning. I was worried! You weren't doing so well there."  
"Yes, that was rather unpleasant." I managed to prop myself up on one elbow and she leaned forward to help me sit. "It wasn't an experience I'd care to repeat."  
She frowned. "They had you in there for hours, and it didn't seem like they planned to let you out anytime soon. I don't remember exactly, but my healing teachers said that could be dangerous."  
"Of course, I have a number of other issues complicating matters," I sighed.  
"Oh! Speaking of which..." Korra turned to drag her pack closer. "I found medicine!"  
My heart leaped for a moment, but then sank as she tossed jar after jar onto the ground. She stopped and grinned expectantly at me. After a moment, I said, "So what do these actually... do?"  
She shrugged. "I don't know exactly, but I grabbed one of everything that looked good. We just have to test them out to find what works!"  
Ah. I had to step carefully. "Korra, as much as I appreciate this, it was not knowing everything about my drug that caused this trouble in the first place." The smile fell from her face. "I'm probably only saying this because the healing helps, but I think it would be dangerous to experiment with multiple medicines when we don't even know what any of them are for."  
She was glaring now. "Well, I'm sorry to inconvenience you, then. Don't mind me, it's not like it was risky or anything to delay our escape so I could stop to grab medicine just for you. I was just feeling bad that I messed things up for you and thought I could fix it, but don't you worry about that--"  
I cut her off before things could deteriorate too badly. "Where are we? And how did we get here?"  
"Further north up the river. We're still on the east coast. I thought everyone would assume we'd crossed again, so we came out on the same side."  
"If we're that close to last night's camp, don't you think the earthbenders might find us again?"  
"Not really. For one thing, we're a lot further north." She whistled, and her polar bear dog came padding up to curl around her back. "Naga took us under the river and we walked until I was so tired I could feel my bending slipping. Have you ever seen sunrise through the water? You really should try it sometime." She turned to the animal, cooing and scratching its head. "Somebody was a good, good girl, carrying two people all night long!"  
"But isn't there still some danger?"  
"No, I learned this trick from Sifu Katara. Back in the day, if she didn't want Toph Beifong to see something, she'd just cut off the ground she was on with a sheet of ice. It was a very personal bending trick, so it never really spread. I don't think many people know about it. It'll look a little strange if they have an earthbender that can see through the ground, but it won't look like people as long as we stay in the camp." She grinned proudly. "I already brought in water and food, so we don't have to worry about leaving until we've rested."  
That was a pleasant surprise. I hadn't expected her to think ahead nearly so well. "That sounds wonderful, then. Did you get any rest at all last night."  
"No. I was up waiting for the right moment to break you out. I might have been able to take a quick nap, but my friends from the city... they were there. I had a lot to explain to them."  
"Surely you didn't explain about the escape?"  
"Of course not!" She winced and looked away. "It was about how I treated them back in Republic City. I'd rather not talk about it."  
There were a few moments of silence as I tried to think of something else to talk about. "If I'd been in a position to talk to you, I would have suggested taking a day or two before trying to run. They must have been expecting it last night."  
"I'm sure they were, but I couldn't have waited. It wouldn't have been that perfect for another month."  
I blinked, nonplussed. "I'm sorry?"  
She rolled her eyes. "The full moon? Some of us haven't had enough practice to do it anytime we want."  
"What?" My heart lurched. "Korra, you can't mean--"  
"Bloodbending? Of course I do! How else would I have been able to take out so many benders who were just waiting for me to start something?"  
"I don't-- Korra, how could you--"  
"Oh, you're going to get all judgmental on me here? The guy who used bloodbending to kidnap me is telling me that it's wrong to bloodbend."  
"It is wrong to bloodbend! Do you not remember that we just had a fight over how you still can't accept my apology or forgive me for bloodbending you? Or did you forget the part where I was forced to learn how to bloodbend, it tore my family apart, and I only used it for the first time in decades as an act of desperation? I already know you don't like to remember how you were the one about to use fire on a defenseless man and that's why I bent you in the first place."  
"This was an act of desperation!"  
"Oh, that's why you're sitting over there acting so proud of yourself?"  
"I am proud of myself! That was a hopeless situation and you should be amazed that I found any way to get you out of there. You should have seen the way there were watching me. I had guards trailing me every second, but somehow I thought of a way to save you, again, while you sat there and did nothing."  
I made a little half-bow. "Then I had better apologize! It was very inconsiderate of me to get caught and spend hours blindfolded and gagged because someone wasn't watching the surrounding area like she was supposed to. "  
"I tried! You've seen how hard bending has been for me. I was trying to waterbend and earthbend at the same time, and the earthbending just... slipped."  
"Then clearly the thing to do is stop trying to be a proper Avatar and teach yourself a forbiddden form of bending."  
"It was a good decision! Even if my bending had been as good as it used to be, I don't know if I could have won. I am a very good fighter, but I was outnumbered by at least twenty, just counting the benders. Everyone expected me to try something and I was still able to get you out of there. I didn't even have to hurt anyone! I think it was the right decision."  
"Oh, of course. It's all clear to me now. Bloodbending is the right decision as long as Avatar Korra can justify it to herself."  
She flared up at that. "What, you think I was just itching for a chance to bloodbend? You think I actually enjoyed that?"  
"I'm not saying anything of the sort. Remember, I was busy relaxing and not helping with the escape plan."  
"I had to think of something!"  
"It certainly didn't take you long to arrive at the conclusion that bloodbending was morally sound. I'm just expressing my surprise that while my apologies and explanations have no weight, a few minutes of quiet reflection are all you require to explain your problems away."  
Naga whined as Korra shouted, "I did it for you!! I never would have thought of it if I hadn't been desperate for some way to save you! I could have stayed there with my friends and let you take all the blame for everything, but I just wanted to help you! And you know what? I don't think what I did was that bad. Nobody was hurt and you're safe again, but now the guy who kidnapped the Avatar has decided he wants to teach me a lesson about morals. How many ways can I tell you that I did this all for you?"  
I had my mouth open for a retort, and Korra was leaning forward with her jaw clenched, just waiting for me to say something. I stopped and closed my eyes for a moment. "Korra, I am very grateful for everything you have done for me and I have to say that you are talking to one of the few people in the world able to understand how you could justify the use of bloodbending. I'm not feeling well, and you don't look much better." She took a breath to answer, but I raised my hand to cut her off. "We can talk about this. We need to talk about this. But not now. You've been awake all night, and what we need is a civil, calm discussion. Let's sleep. I promise we can continue the conversation when we wake up, but we need to stop talking before we say more things we'll only regret."  
Her face was an angry red, but she snarled, "Fine," and stood, heading for the tent and grabbing her pack as she stomped away. Naga slunk behind her, but stopped and curled in front of the entrance. I dawdled, trying to give Korra time to fall asleep before intruding. I was still furious at how she'd treated me, but I was used to putting those hot emotions out of mind and taking a more measured stance. I could already think of things I'd said that I wanted to take back. But tucked behind all the anger I still felt, there was a tiny whisper of hope. Maybe, just maybe, Korra could understand and accept that a person, a desperate person, might resort to bloodbending.


	20. Chapter 20

Korra  
\--  
I was so angry and frustrated that I almost could have screamed. I'd pulled a miracle out of thin air to save Tarrlok, I'd worked through the night to get him to safety, and I was exhausted beyond words but none of that was good enough for him, was it? Every single thing I ever tried to for him just got turned around into something new to criticize me for. I'd just saved his life. Me against dozens of soldiers and benders, all expecting me to fight them, and I'd still saved him. But no, as soon as he woke up it was right back to telling me that nothing I ever did was right.  
I grabbed somewhat more than half the furs and hurled them into the back corner of the tent. A tiny part of me wondered if I might be feeling a little over-sensitive. It had been over a day since I'd slept, and I'd been working hard the whole time. Tarrlok had to be exhausted too. He'd been asleep or unconscious most of the night, but it couldn't have been very restful. Once he'd had some rest maybe he' be ready to be pleasant. Once I was buried under the furs, things began to feel better. It was so warm and soft, and it felt so nice to shut my eyes despite the daylight filtering in through the tent walls.  
That short moment of contentment got wiped away as Tarrlok came into the tent. Light came flooding in through the tent flap and the noise from him trying to be quiet was almost worse than if he'd just acted normally. He heaved a sigh as he rustled through the packs and I ground my teeth. You got to sleep already! You can get by just fine on what I left you. I felt a flash of irritation and almost snapped at Naga as I heard her settling into place at the tent entrance. That told me just how exhausted I had to be. I needed to sleep now, before I did something else I'd regret.  
Aang came to me in my dreams. I'd called him Tenzin when he'd appeared to me at the South Pole, but seeing him face to face I'd never make the same mistake. He was different from his portraits. They'd never captured the way he moved. Even just standing there, he felt so light on his feet and it was no stretch to imagine him jumping and floating up into the air the same way I saw his grandchildren do every day. He smiled quietly down at me for a minute before taking my hand and warmly smiling. "Korra."  
There was no order or reason to my questions. I knew it wasn't any better than I confused babble, but he smiled and nodded and let the flood of words wash over him. As soon as I paused for breath he cut in, "Sit, sit. There's no rush, young Avatar. Here we have all the time that we need."  
Looking around, I could see nothing more than swirling grey mist. There wasn't any clear surface beneath my feet, but when I gingerly sat it seemed solid enough. Aang sat cross-legged facing me, and as he settled, a sky bison that had to be Appa came flying out of them mist, settling down behind him. I shut my eyes for a moment to collect my thoughts, but there was one thing that I needed to know more than anything else. "Why didn't you really give me back my bending? It was so hard trying to be the Avatar when a baby would have been able to out-bend me."  
He looked at me thoughtfully as he answered. "What would you have learned from that?"  
"I don't--"  
"When you came to Republic City, you made a decision. The Order of the White Lotus was sent to protect you until you could protect yourself. Even though they might have wished you to stay until you had mastered all the elements, you took yourself from that shelter and went to live in the real world. It's a transition that every person must go through. Every child eventually has to leave their parents' protection and live their own life."  
"What are you saying?"  
"Did you expect the Order to shield you forever? When you left to take on the Avatar's duties, that included an adult's responsibilities. You had to face the danger without having that shelter to fall back to."  
"I still don't understand what that has to do with my bending. Avatar Roku came to you over and over while you were fighting Firelord Ozai."  
"He came because I was truly a child and there was a very real risk to the world. It was only by luck that the Air Nomads had not been completely destroyed, and he was well on his way to wiping out the Southern Water Tribe. There were dangers and risks that he did not step in to take care of. If I had gone to him every time something went wrong, what would I have learned for myself?"  
"But this was serious! Amon took my bending! How was I supposed to be the Avatar after that?"  
"Is the role of the Avatar only to bend?"   
I blushed red hot. I should have known better than that. After a moment I whispered, "Why did you give me just a taste of what I lost?"  
Aang tapped his chin. "Amon was very interesting. You and I, we have our differences, but did you ever stop to really listen to what the Equalists wanted?" I mutely shook my head. "It's right there in their name. Perhaps they went about it in a bad way, but a great many people were like you and didn't listen any further than hearing benders criticized before making up their mind about the movement. Republic City had been fighting the triads since before I died, but I do believe the Equalists were the first to make such a difference in the problem."  
"But Amon!"  
"Ah, yes. The remarkable thing is that Amon himself was never a threat. He wasn't any more than an imagined menace. The bloodbending, yes, that was certainly a problem, but did you ever question how it was possible for him to take someone's bending?"  
"I wouldn't have believed it, but I saw what he did to the triad members. I felt what he did to me. My bending was gone."  
"How could a man, nothing more than a ordinary man, do that? Your bending is part of who you are."  
"Sealed, then! He took it from me. It doesn't matter if it was just locked away somewhere because I couldn't find it. I tried so hard. I spent days just trying to bend fire, earth, or water. Anything."   
"The thing is that if the bending was still there inside you, it was always possible for you to reforge that connection yourself. Admittedly, it would have taken more than simply trying to bend over and over. It would have needed a deeper understanding of yourself and of the nature of bending than you had at the time. Who knows how long it might take, but it has always been possible for any of Amon's victims to rediscover their own bending."  
"Clearly you're still helping protect me, though. You gave me back something. Since you were willing to help me anyways, I just don't understand why you didn't give me everything!"  
He smiled and rested his chin on his hands. "Tell me, what would you have learned?"  
"I-- I could have learned lots of things--"  
"It would have been dangerous right now to leave the Avatar nearly defenseless. There is still a great deal of tension between benders and nonbenders and you've already taken a role at the heart of the conflict. I gave you back enough to force you into the growth that might have taken you years."  
I groaned. "The spiritual side of bending."  
"You understand it better than you ever did before, do you not? I did what I could to help you without sheltering you too badly. Do you understand?"  
I nodded reluctantly. "I think so. I just wish you'd explained."  
He laughed. "I've always favored having to struggle for knowledge. It stays with you better. "He patted me gently on the shoulder. "I think you have a better understanding of yourself than you could have imagined a few weeks ago. Was there anything else you wanted to ask me?"  
"I want to know what to do--" Aang held up a warning hand and I amended my words. "I want your advice. I've hurt so many people since this... everything started. Asami, Mako, Bolin, Pema, Tenzin, Tarrlok, everyone. Even though I can see what was wrong with how I behaved back in Republic City, but even though I'm trying to fix things now it feels like I'm still doing nothing but hurting everyone even more."  
"First of all, exactly what would you say you did wrong?"  
"What did I do right? I lied to Tenzin and ran away, I lied to my friends and sent them into danger, and what I have done but lie to Tarrlok? Even after last night, I tried to protect Mako and the others, but I'm sure I got them into more trouble. I don't even know how I can begin apologizing to Pema and Tenzin. I'd hoped this would be over by now, but I'm sure it's been long enough that word has reached my parents and Sifu Katara that I've been kidnapped by a dangerous bloodbender. This is all such a mess and everything I do only makes it worse."  
"Oh, Korra, things aren't as bad as you think. My son and daughter-in-law are hurt, certainly, but I promise that they want to forgive you. More than anything else, they're worried about you and wish you were back home. Your parents and Katara just want you to be safe too. I rather doubt that anyone blames you as much as you blame yourself."  
"But Mako and Bolin and Asami--"  
"Your friends... that could be trickier. I wouldn't worry too much about how they're doing right now, but it may be difficult to make things right with them later. It isn't something you want to delay. You lied to them more than the others, and they trusted you a great deal. I think you'll need to be as honest as you possibly can if you want them to trust you again."  
I rubbed my temples. "How can I even start to explain myself? Every single decision I made was just plain wrong."  
"Korra, you need to remember what you had been through at the time. You're hardly more than a child yourself, and you got caught up in the middle of an ugly battle. You were kidnapped and taken away by a dangerous bloodbender. You saw people you cared for get hurt and lost your bending trying to fight Amon. Even if that isn't so important as you thought for carrying out the duties of the Avatar, that doesn't mean it meant any less to you. You lost what was possibly the most important thing in the world to you, and you thought it was forever. That's how you've defined yourself for years and even with some of your bending restored you hardly felt like the same person you had been before.  
"Back in Republic City, you found everyone demanding more and more of you at the moment you most needed time to recover. Being ordered to heal a man that had done such awful things to you, right when you were unable to depend on the strength of your bending, was the last straw. You might have made mistakes, Korra, but you were hurting. You had good intentions and most of the things you condemn yourself for now were rooted in trying to protect yourself from being hurt further. Now, you can look back and understand where you went wrong. You have to eventually stop blaming yourself. Forgiveness is what you need to move on. Not only from those you have hurt, but also from yourself."  
My eyes were stinging by the time he was done. When he reached out to take my hands in his, I felt the tears beginning to spill over. I pulled back and scrubbed frantically at my eyes. Aang sat quietly while I got myself back under control. Finally, I took one last deep breath and asked, "What can I do about Tarrlok?"  
"Well, just like the others, the lies need to stop. There need to be apologies."  
"I've been trying and trying, but it feels like all we do is fight."  
He tapped his chin thoughtfully. "How well do you listen? I know it's difficult to hear what sounds like criticism, but it's important to hear what he's saying. In this case too, I'd take a step back and think about exactly what you're doing for him. It's easy to get swept up in passions of the moment, and trying to save him from execution is certainly a noble goal, but it would be good to stop and think about just how far you're willing to go for this."  
"Do you mean how I treated my friends? I can't really change that now."  
He sighed. "I'm talking about bloodbending."  
"Avatar Aang, that was the best way to save him! It was perfect."  
"There's a reason that Katara fought for years to get bloodbending outlawed. It's wrong, Korra, and I thought you understood that. After what you went through, I'm surprised you'd ever be willing to resort to such measures."  
I flushed. "What did you expect me to do? If I'd fought using just my bending, people would have been hurt and I might not have managed to save him at all."  
"Sometimes the easy way isn't the right way."  
"It wasn't easy! I was careful and I wouldn't have tried it if I didn't think I could do it safely. I remember how it felt to be bent. It was awful, but as soon as Tarrlok let me go I felt completely fine. I made sure to be fast and just knocked them out so we could get away."  
"It's an ugly perversion of waterbending. I'm still rather shocked that any Avatar could find it in themselves to even think about trying it."  
"Any bending has that kind of potential in it. If you know what I did, then you must have seen how they were keeping Tarrlok. There's no way you can describe that as anything less than torture. I would have thought you'd be proud that I found a way out that didn't involve fighting. There wasn't a chance I could have resolved it peacefully, but that was the next best thing."  
"Korra, trying to justify yourself after the fact like this changes nothing. Even Tarrlok was trying his best to tell you this wasn't right. You refused to listen to him too. Really, considering what he did to you and the difficulties you've had in forgiving him, I thought you would have been more willing to listen to reason."  
"Maybe I was wrong about Tarrlok," I snapped. "You just finished telling me that I needed to listen better. Did you forget how he told me that he only used bloodbending when he was out of options? Or are you saying that it would have been the more noble option for him to let me burn his face off?"  
"So you're willing to agree with him now that you need a way to justify your own actions?"  
"No!" I buried my face in my hands and groaned. "It wasn't easy to look past how I felt at the time and really listen to what he was trying to tell me. It took a lot to admit that there might be any decent reason for bloodbending."  
"I still don't admit anything of the sort."  
"Aang, what else could I have done? I could have pulled the water out of their bodies the same way I pulled it from the trees and plants. That wouldn't have been bloodbending, but would it have been better? It's always been possible to kill people with bending, but I found a way to fight overwhelming odds without hurting anyone at all. Right now, it doesn't matter to me how much you and Sifu Katara disagree with bloodbending. I still wouldn't use it as anything more than a last resort, but I don't think it deserves to be such a crime as to scare a councilman into kidnapping the Avatar and trying to flee across the country."  
He stared at me for a long minute while I fidgeted and looked down at my hands. "Korra, I'd beg you to reconsider, but this isn't the time. I know you are more than familiar with all the reasons that bloodbending is wrong, and I can only hope that time will open your eyes. You can think on everything we've spoken of when you wake up, but for now, it's time for you to rest." Before I could say a word, he leaned forward and placed his hand on my head, and then I was falling backward into the darkness of sleep.


	21. Chapter 21

Tarrlok  
\--

I gave it a little time before joining Korra in the tent. Considering how exhausted she had to be, it would be better to make sure she got some rest before we spoke any further. She didn't have much patience at the best of times, so it shouldn't have been surprising that she was especially short-tempered now. There wasn't much for me to do outside, but I definitely wanted Korra to be asleep before I joined her. When her polar bear dog began sniffing curiously at me, I gave her a few tentative scratches, but the animal still made me nervous. People had tried to tame them in the past without much success, and it was hard to feel comfortable with her without Korra on hand. She seemed friendly enough, but after a few minutes had passed I stood to move to the tent.

Korra had taken most of the furs and had buried herself under them in a back corner. She seemed sound asleep, but I still did my best to be quiet as I sorted through the  
packs. I couldn't help a small sigh at how little she'd left me. Such a petty way to get the last word. Well, the day was warm and I could manage like this for now. Naga flopped against the tent flaps as I arranged my furs on the opposite side of the tent from Korra. At least the polar bear dog blocked some of the light coming from the outside.

It took me quite a while to fall asleep. I was tired, but I didn't need rest as nearly as badly as Korra did. I lay for some time just listening to the quiet rhythm of her breathing, trying to relax into slumber the way she had. My mind was racing, making it even more difficult for me to let myself drift off. Korra had bloodbent. I couldn't believe it, not after the way she had hated me for what I had done. The way she still hated me. Or did she? If she was willing to bloodbend, could she forgive me? At least she might be able to move past blind accusation and try to understand what I had done.

There was no way for me to explain away the kidnapping. There was no way to justify it, except fear and panic. Bloodbending her had been an act of desperation. It was a fight she had won, but she hadn't let up. I'd been out of water and she had just kept coming. It had been a mistake. Hindsight was a wonderful thing. It would have been better to let her burn me then, turn me into a political martyr. I could have milked that for years. I could have rallied the council, possibly even Tenzin. The nonbenders would have--

No. I couldn't think about that anymore. There was no possible way for me to play that game any longer, even if I wanted to. It was better to be gone. I'd gone into politics hoping to follow in Avatar Aang's footsteps, but I'd let myself become no better than my father. Losing myself in thoughts of what-ifs and might-have-beens would do nothing but suffocate me. I needed to focus on the present and do my best to hold onto whatever I had left.

If Korra would only come around-- I could force her into it. I could do it. I had been a _good_ politician and manipulation had been a crucial part of that. She'd given me a weak point to attack, and she was so convinced she was moral that she'd have difficulty with believing she was a good person and knowing that she was a bloodbender. It wasn't long ago that I would have gone for it without a second thought. I badly needed her support to reach safety, even if it was only the questionable sanctuary of the North Pole. It would be smarter to ensure she was on my side, no matter what.

Now, though. Now I wanted her to help me... because she wanted to. I hadn't expected the way she hated me to actually hurt. I'd been called cruel things before. I'd heard worse from my own father, from my brother's men, and there was no reason that the words of a young, self-righteous girl should have meant so much to me. At some point I'd begun hoping that she might come to sympathize with me. Understand me. I'd thought there could be a chance she might come to feel something for me. I knew perfectly well all the reasons she had to hate and fear me, but when she had kissed me I had convinced myself that she would put it all behind her.

Looking back now, it was all so painfully naive. I already knew how well she could hold a grudge, and I'd laughed to myself at how black-and-white her worldview was. Really, it was much more plausible that she would sleep with me and try not to think about how she felt than actually forgive me and admit she had been wrong. It had been foolish of me to believe otherwise. It only hurt when I realized.

My thoughts circled endlessly between hope and dejection, and I was unsure when I actually drifted off. I slept uneasily. Every so often I jolted awake, thinking that I'd heard steps approaching outside. Naga was quiet and unmoving, and I tried to tell myself that she would surely notice any soldiers before I could. At some point, the sun set. When I woke up for the last time, it was still dark out, but I could tell that I wouldn't be falling asleep again. In the night chill, it would have been wonderful to have those extra furs Korra had taken.

When I sat up, she was sitting in the middle of the tent with a lantern by her side, sorting through our packs. She jumped when she saw me, then looked back down at what she was doing. She cleared her throat, then said, "If you're awake, it would be good to leave now. From the map, I think that it will only take a day or two more to reach the coast, and then the worst will be over."

I wasn't so certain, but I let it pass without comment. "Is there any food first? I think it has been a very long time since I last ate."

"Ah, yes. I brought in a pile of cattails and mushrooms. I didn't want to start a full fire now, so no fish except for Naga. As soon as you're ready, we can be off."

She did take the time to unbutton my shirt and do some quick healing work while I ate. The effects of the drug seemed to be fading quickly, but her help still made a definite difference. Neither of us said a word as we packed up the camp, and when the time came to leave, she helped me up into her polar bear dog's saddle before jumping up in front of me. The sun was just beginning to rise by the time we headed back to the river.

There wasn't much more to be said all day as we walked under the river. I had hoped she might have begun to think better of me, but I wasn't nearly certain enough to raise the subject myself. She seemed lost in thought, but she might have simply been focusing on the bending she was doing. It wasn't easy to balance on the saddle. The scars were healing well, but sitting like this stretched my skin uncomfortably in places. I tried to brace myself on the back of the saddle. It wasn't an entirely unpleasant day, but it was a long one. I spent most of the time with my eyes shut, trying to distract myself from the discomfort.

I didn't realize we had turned for the riverbank until I felt the ground sloping up under us. We were on the on the opposite side of the river again. Korra spoke for the first time since we'd left, telling me to brace myself, and that was all the warning I had before she urged Naga into a run. I had to hold tightly onto her waist as we lurched forward, and in seconds we had cleared the river's surface. It was only a short, disorienting moment in the open air before we were passing the tree line, and the polar bear dog ran on for a short time longer before Korra reined her in.

"We won't need to leave the camp tonight," she said. "I brought in enough fish for all three of us while we were underwater. Just let me make sure the area's safe before we settle down."

She jumped down to the ground, stripping her shoes off and standing in place for a long minute with her eyes shut. I stayed in place, uncertain of what she wanted me to do. I leaned back, supporting myself against the saddle, trying to relieve the ache in my legs. Finally, she shook herself and looked up at me. "There's nobody close. There is a person or two in the distance, but it doesn't feel like any kind of soldiers or search party. I hope we've outthought them."

"I can get down, then?"

"Oh! Yes, of course. I'm sure Naga could use a break by now."

I tried to ease a leg over the polar bear dog's back as Korra began untying our packs from the saddle. It took her a moment before she realized I was having some difficulty and stepped up to my side. I was more stiff than I had thought. When I jumped down to the ground, my legs nearly gave way.

Korra made a face. "I am so sorry! I should have thought about that. It makes sense that you'd have trouble riding all day."

"No, no it's fine. I'm sure I'd be doing worse if the Earth King's soldiers still had me."

"Well, at least I can help you out now. It's been a while since I was able to do a full healing on you, and we've got time today."

"How late is it?"

She shrugged. "Afternoon? There's only so long I can keep up the waterbending, and Naga can't carry both of us as long as she can manage just me."

We set up the camp together, and Korra knelt down to start the fire while I stripped off my jacket and shirt. The fire still flared higher than it should have, but it was under much better control than it had been that first night out in the woods. I sat down close enough to feel the warmth, and she settled in front of me, pulling water from the skin at her hip. We both began to speak at almost the same moment, but she laughed and told me to go first.

I cleared my throat nervously and began again. "I don't believe I ever properly thanked you for saving me the other night."

"It was nothing," she insisted, but I could see the smile spreading across her face. That was promising.

"No, I insist. It was absolutely wonderful. There must have been several dozen of them, and you already told me that they were keeping a sharp eye on you. It must have taken a great deal of control, and I wish I had been able to see it."

She tossed her head. "Well, it was pretty impressive. It wasn't an easy bit of bending."

I did my best not to smile. "I'm sure it wasn't. I certainly wasn't trying to write off everything you've done for me, and I never meant to give that impression yesterday."

"Ah." She shifted uneasily. "I wanted to apologize for yesterday."

"It's quite alright. You must have been absolutely exhausted."

"Yes, but that's not all there was, Tarrlok. You know what I mean. The bloodbending. I had a nice argument about that last night with my own past incarnation."

"Sorry?"

She paused for a minute and sighed. "Avatar Aang came to me in a dream and did his best to give me some advice. I know you tried to talk to me about the bloodbending, and I didn't want to listen. He did too. I mean, you know he was opposed to it. He and Sifu Katara worked hard to make it illegal. When I tried to argue with him, he told me off for being a hypocrite."

My heart lurched, and I hoped she couldn't feel it with her hands against my chest. "What do you mean?"

"Well, I was defending bloodbending. You know how well it went when we tried to have the same conversation." She made a face. "I still think I was right, and I don't care what Aang said. There wasn't a better way to get you safely out of there. But I shouldn't be sitting here and getting angry when people don't agree with my reasoning after the things I said to you."

"It's not really the same, Korra. I hurt you."

"It's still wrong of me." She didn't say anything for some time as her hands moved down my arm and over my sides. After she had healed all of me that she could reach, she stood and stepped around to my back. As she touched me again, she laughed. "I guess we're both criminals now."

"Oh, I don't think you have to worry. It's all due to my corrupting influence, you see."

"No! It's something I thought of on my own, and I'm going to deal with it. Besides, how could you have made me do it? The soldiers had you locked up tight in the rocks and they wouldn't even let me say anything to you. You were a good prisoner and I was a bad Avatar."

"It is odd that they were being so careful with me. Everyone knows that my brother took my bending, and especially without an arm I couldn't have been much of a threat. They were acting like my bending had miraculously returned. What a thought!" I chuckled, but her hands froze against my back and I felt the water fall away. "Korra? You know that even if I could, I'd never bloodbend you again." I turned to face her, but she was looking down at her hands as she collected the water back into her skin. "Korra, what's wrong?"

The words came in a flood, almost too quickly for me to hear. "I didn't mean to, I've been trying and trying to make things better between us, and it's hasn't been easy because it was all so tangled at the beginning, and it's still such a mess now and I haven't been trying to hurt you-- I was frightened at first and the things I did were wrong, but it was safer to pretend and back then I wasn't sure if I could trust you so there were the lies that I've told you about, but also there were some things I just didn't _say_ \--"

I caught one of her hands in mine. "Korra, Korra. Calm down. Slowly. What's the matter?"

She took a deep breath. "You know that I lied to you. To everyone, at the beginning." I nodded carefully. "I have to fix everything that I messed up, and I've been doing my best but there's just so much, and it hasn't been easy and I've barely even started-- Tarrlok, I still haven't told you everything."

"What's left? I thought we'd put this behind us."

She looked down at her lap. "You know about most of the lies. But I there were some other things I just let you believe. It was wrong, it was just as wrong as the lying and I never should have told myself otherwise--"

"I don't understand."

"When Avatar Aang came to me at the South Pole, he unlocked my bending. I told you that much. But he also gave me the power to restore the bending of others."

I dropped her hand and pulled back. "Then the soldiers--?"

She hung her head. "I told my friends that if they were captured, they should say you persuaded me to fix your bending, then kidnapped me like you tried to do before. You threatened that if they didn't cooperate, you'd kill me. The soldiers looking for us aren't just looking for an escaped prisoner. They're looking for a dangerous, desperate bloodbender who's kidnapped the Avatar."

I rubbed my forehead. It was too much to take in. "You're serious? This isn't some kind of joke?"

"Of course it's not a joke! This isn't funny at all. I was more worried about protecting myself than actually helping you, and it was completely shameful. I set you up to take the fall if things went badly, and it was an awful thing to do."

"But, my bending? You've been able to restore my bending this whole time?"

She buried her face in her hands. "You must hate me."

I took a long, slow breath and shut my eyes. "I am trying very, very hard to see things from your point of view, and I can understand why you wouldn't want to be completely open with me at the start. Considering what we were to each other then, it wouldn't have been intelligent to tell me everything, and I can admire your foresight in constructing a believable story the way you did. But if I mean anything to you Korra, anything at all-- For the love of Yue, _please give me my bending!_ "

She only hesitated for a moment before standing and stepping up to my side. I looked up at her, hardly able to breathe. This was a dream. She could restore my bending. She _would_ restore my bending. This had to be a dream and I would wake up as incomplete as when I had gone to sleep. I closed my eyes again as her thumb came to rest against my forehead. There was no ceremony, no fanfare, but it felt like a gate had been opened inside me. I could feel the water come flooding back.

It still felt like almost too much to believe. Everything I'd thought I lost forever. When I opened my eyes, Korra was looking nervously down at me. I could feel her. The quiet pulse of her heart was right there, and it was as if I'd regained my vision after being forced to live without sight. There had been times I'd regretted being a bloodbender, but this-- it was all worth it. I needed to bend. I had to bend something. I gestured at Korra's water skin and asked, "May I?"

"Oh! Of course."

She handed it down to me, and I paused a moment before taking the water. If it didn't work-- it would be almost worse than losing my bending in the first place. But the water answered to me, just as it always had. It wasn't much, barely anything, but at this moment this felt better than bending a whole river. The water spun in a lazy circle as I moved my hand, and I caught myself watching it as though I'd been hypnotized. I returned the water to the skin and stood to face Korra. She was looking down at her hands, but met my eyes when I stepped up to her. I had so much I wanted to say, but there were no words to possibly do justice to what I was feeling. I put my arm around her and pulled her close, burying my face in her hair.

"Ah, _Korra_!"


	22. Chapter 22

**Korra**

* * *

                I couldn't breathe for a moment as Tarrlok crushed me against his chest. When I was able to push away and look up at him, his eyes were shining and he was smiling, really smiling. As our eyes met, he laughed and looked away, but his arm was still around my shoulders. Had I ever seen him like this before? This kind of simple joy seemed so strange, coming from him. It was an open, honest smile, nothing like he'd ever shown me back when he was a councilman. Actually, the only time I'd ever seen him smile this way-- It was when I'd slept with him. He'd smiled at me like this then.

                He began to pull away, but I caught his hand as it dropped. "You don't hate me? You really don't hate me?"

                He sighed and looked down at our hands. "I am angry." I started to protest, but he shook his head. "I don't hate you, but I am angry. Even after everything that I've lost, my bending was the most painful. You must understand that."

                I nodded slowly. "But I don't understand what you're saying. You're angry at me. I'm so sorry--"

                "There is a difference between frustration at what you've done and _blaming_ you for it." He pulled his hand free and ran it back through his hair. "I can see your reasons. It would have been horribly naive to give me my bending back in the hospital. It would have made me happy, certainly, but I must have thought worse of you for being that foolish. It isn't pleasant to think that you must have been restoring everybody's bending except mine. Especially on this journey, when those soldiers found me-- It could have been the difference between life and death."

                "Tarrlok..."

                "I am angry that you let me think I was crippled inside _and_ out all this time. But I understand why you did it. After what we were becoming to each other-- I thought that things were better between us. I'd thought we were being entirely open with each other. You already know that I thought differently from you. I was mistaken, and that was a painful realization. But Korra, no matter how angry I might be, the feeling of bending-- That's enough to sweep it all away. I didn't have a hope of ever waterbending again. It was all lost to me. You would have been well within your rights to hide it from me as long as you could, but you trusted me, you told me the truth. You made me a _bender_ again!"

                My smile felt a little shaky still, but his face was glowing. "It feels wonderful, doesn't it?"

                "I didn't realize how badly I had missed it. The arm, the burns, those are nothing to this. Korra, you can't _imagine_ how glorious it is! Or rather, you can," he amended. "My thoughts are a bit scattered right now."

                "You definitely seem happy," I laughed.

                "Oh, Korra, there are no _words_ for how happy I am. I feel complete again."

                "Well, you can definitely start helping me out some more, then. What with catching fish and protecting the camp and traveling under the water, I could use another waterbender about the place."

                His face became more serious. "Actually, I've been meaning to talk to you about that. As wonderful as it is to have my bending back, I'll never have two arms again."

                "I-- I know. If there was anything that I could do, anything at all--"

                He waved me off. "What's done is done. The issue is that I need to learn to live the way I am. There are plenty of people who have gone before me with one arm, or with none at all. What I need is to be allowed to take care of myself. I have to figure out how to do tasks that took two hands with just one." My face was still blank. "Korra, I need you to actually _let_ me help around the camp."

                It took a moment for me to understand. I put my hand over my mouth. "Oh! Tarrlok, I've just been trying to help."

                "I know, I know. It has been very kind of you, to be sure, but it very is difficult to be treated like a child. I can't just sit and watch you work. You've been taking even the simplest of tasks away from me. It might have been fine in the earliest days, when I could barely manage _with_ your help, but you must allow me some independence now."

                I was blushing miserably by now. "Of course! I'm so sorry-- I really have been awful-- Tarrlok, are you absolutely sure you don't hate me?"

                He laughed. "I don't hate you. What you've done to help me has been done with the best intentions, and that makes amends for a great deal. You can't doubt that I am grateful, endlessly grateful for what you have done."               

                "I've made so many mistakes."

                "Everyone does." He shrugged. "I seem to remember our troubles starting with a mistake on my part."

                We talked and laughed more comfortably than I could remember ever doing while we set up the camp. It was difficult not to fidget as he struggled with the ropes, but I was determined not to interfere. I sat next to him and made suggestions on one-handed knots as he worked. It took some time, but he ultimately set up the tent himself. After firmly telling Naga to _stay_ , we walked down to the river together to catch our dinner.

                Tarrlok stopped me before we'd cleared the tree line. "I'm certain that there must be boats out looking for us. I think they must have missed us when we came from under the river or they would have come after us by now, but we need to be careful now."

                "What should we do? Fog, do you think?"

                "Yes," he said hesitantly. "But not _just_ fog. If we stir up the river here, they already know to watch for waterbenders. It'll be too suspicious."

                "Well, what if the fog began somewhere else? We passed a bend in the river a ways back." I squinted through the trees. "Over there. What if we started the fog there and spread it this way?"

                "Yes, I think that could work. But we'd better begin it on the other side of the river too. Pull all the soldiers away from us."

                "Mm. That's a long ways off." I grinned up at him. "I know _I'm_ a good enough bender for it. You sure you can handle this?"

                His eyebrows shot up, but I could see him trying to hold back a smile as he turned to face the water. He shut his eyes and took a slow, deep breath as he reached out toward the river. Even through the trees I could see the fog begin to billow up from the far bank. I stretched out my arms too and began to work.

                It was difficult, no doubt about that. I struggled for fine control at such a distance, but as the fog bank expanded it became easier to work. I pulled the fog toward us, while Tarrlok pushed it even further to the south. After some time, he joined with me to push it past us, further off into the north. I could hear distant shouts from the river and the hum of boat engines that I couldn't see. I shut my eyes and paused for a moment to feel for soldiers near us with earthbending while Tarrlok waited silently beside me.

                Finally, I breathed out. "The closest people are over a mile to the south, and they're not headed toward us." We were still quiet as we headed down to the river, but I couldn't resist muttering, "It's not fair that _you_ had such an easy time with the bending as soon as you got it back."     

                "Well, perhaps some of us paid proper attention to the spiritual side of bending when we were learning."

                I stuck my tongue out at his back, but then had to do my best to look innocent as he turned to look at me. I cleared my throat. "If you can catch the fish, I'll keep a watch. Can you work quickly? If they've got a waterbender, I don't want someone to pull the fog away."

                "This shouldn't take long," he said as he waded out into the shallows, "but we shouldn't have to worry too much about the fog. Despite the alliance between the four nations, there are not many Earth Kingdom nationals who are waterbenders, and very few who serve in any military capacity. Despite the urgency of finding a kidnapped Avatar, the Earth King must prefer not to invite a foreign military inside his territory."

                "You really enjoy this political stuff, don't you?"

                "Oh, certainly. I never would have gone into politics if I didn't. It's a fascinating combination of psychology, maneuvering, manipulation, and common sense, which is less common than you might think. Even when I was tied up in unimportant city affairs, I wasn't often bored."

                "I always thought it was just about power."        

                "It is, really, but it's not so simple in practice. To a certain extent, it's a game every player is in competition with every other player. It's almost impossible to overestimate the complexity of the playing field. It takes a remarkable strategy to even come close to winning."

                It took longer than I would have preferred to catch enough fish. It wasn't easy to see through the fog and the constant noise of boats out on the water kept me on edge. Several times, I had to reach out to thicken the fog over the river, being sure to concentrate my efforts out to the south. It had almost been easier when we didn't have to worry about keeping a polar bear dog fed. When I finally judged that we had enough fish to for Naga, I quickly wrapped them up in an oiled cloth and we headed back through the trees.

                Before worrying about cooking our dinner, I wanted to make sure we were protected for the night. I let Tarrlok watch as I began to bend the layer of ice beneath the camp, then left him to work as I sat down to clean the fish. I dumped most of them in front of Naga, adding the heads and innards as I prepared enough to make two dinners.

                It didn't take long. The sun was still high, so I was willing to risk a small fire, and all the fish were spitted and cooking before Tarrlok was done with his bending. I hesitated for a moment, but set a pot of tea beside the fire to steep. When Tarrlok came to sit beside me, I thought he looked at the pot, but I couldn't bring myself to meet his eyes, so I wasn't certain.

                We didn't say much while we ate. The sun hadn't even begun to set by the time we were tossing the last of the bones over toward Naga. Neither of us was tired yet, so we talked about little unimportant things while I sipped my tea. I was so nervous I hardly noticed how bitter it was, but I managed not to react when Tarrlok asked if he could have a cup as well. Eventually the conversation turned to his burns, and he admitted that there was still some stiffness and soreness in the scars, especially in his hands.

                "I haven't been able to do as much healing as I should have. Unless-- Are you a healer?"

                He shook his head. "My family was quite traditional. My father believed it was women's work and I never found the time to teach myself later. I'm afraid I'll have to rely on your assistance for some time longer."

                It was a closer, careful healing like I had done for him in the hospital. We sat facing each other, and I let my hands rest against his body, lingering over the worst of his injuries. The knife scars were a pale, shiny pink next to the mottled red of the burn scars. My hands moved with the rise and fall of his chest as he breathed. I could feel him relaxing as I continued the healing, going from his stomach up over his chest and shoulders. After taking care of the stump of his arm, I moved to his face.

                His eyes shut as I smoothed the water over his face. He leaned into my hands, and it might have been my imagination, but I thought I felt his breath catch as my fingers brushed against his cheeks. I caught myself paying more attention to him than the bending, and more than once felt the water begin to fall away from me as my concentration slipped.

                I finally forced myself to move away. I brought my hands down to his arm. His eyes opened but I refused to meet them, staring resolutely at my work. My fingers traced the knife scar down his arm, all the way to his hand. I carefully healed him, still avoiding his gaze even though I could feel his eyes on me. The back of his hand, the palm, each finger-- I was finished, but I didn't want it to be over.

                I cleared my throat nervously. "Ah, the exercises. For your hand. Would you like to do them yourself? Or I can do them if you want, but if _you_ wanted, you could do them--"

                "I would appreciate your help." It was a comfort that his voice didn't sound much steadier than mine.

                I took his hand, gently flexing it backward and forward, paying close attention to the moment I could feel him tense with pain. Each joint of each fingers, I carefully put it through the full range of motion, flexing it just the smallest bit further than it wanted to bend. I hesitated at the end. Pull away? Begin again?

                Before I could make a decision, Tarrlok's fingers wrapped around mine, and I couldn't help meeting his eyes. It could have been the fading light, but I thought I could see a flush on his cheeks. We both started to speak at the same moment, then stopped. I looked back down at my hands. "You-- You go first. You're better at talking than me."

                I could hear the tension in his voice. "I don't know about that right now. I don't really know what to say. But Korra, if you'll have me--"

                My cheeks were burning. His fingers were still wrapped around mine. I couldn't find the words for any kind of decent answer, but I held his hand tightly to my chest. When I looked up again, he was smiling. The kiss was slow and hesitant at first. I couldn't forget how badly it had ended the last time I'd tried to get him into bed. I was almost expecting something to go wrong, something to put a stop to it, but there was nothing. He wanted this as badly as I did.

                I still held his hand it one of mine, but my other arm was around his neck, dragging him down to me. I pressed forward more urgently, and he returned the kiss with the same increasing heat. We broke apart for a moment, gasping for air. I got to my knees and edged forward to straddle his legs, taking his face in both my hands as I kissed them again. His hand clutched at my back, pulling me closer against his body. I needed him. I needed him to need me. I would have let him take me right there on the ground, but he broke away first.

                "The tent," he gasped.

                I laughed breathlessly. "Why bother? Right here, Tarrlok. Let's do it."

                "Ah-- I don't believe you'd enjoy that. Twigs and pebbles can be a much bigger problem than you'd think. You can wait the thirty seconds to the tent," he teased.

                I sighed, but stood and pulled him up to his feet. I molded myself against his body again, pressing a leg between his thighs. "You care more about twigs and pebbles than me?"

                He shifted against me, his hand involuntarily tightening around mine. "Tent, Korra."

                I tossed the packs ahead of me through the tent flaps, grabbing the furs and dumping them carelessly into a heap in the middle of the floor. Tarrlok was still undoing buttons and carefully placing his clothes in a neat pile by the time I was finished kicking my things off into a corner. Once I was naked, I threw myself down on the furs before rolling over to look up at him. When I caught his eye, I slid a hand between my legs and moaned, then had to laugh at his visible response.

                He knelt in front of me, bracing himself against the furs as he kissed his way up my body. My breath caught as he lingered over my breasts. "Those are sensitive!"

                He chuckled against my skin. "That's the idea, yes." His arm slid behind my neck as he stretched out against me. I wrapped my arm around him as we kissed, our legs twisting together. I could feel him pressing against my thigh and moved up against him. He groaned against my mouth and then pulled back."I want to touch more of you, but it isn't easy for me to balance this way."

                I thought for a moment. "On our sides? Like the last time?"

                It only took a few seconds to break apart and rearrange, but it still felt like too long. I leaned back into the contact as he settled down behind me. He pulled me against him, and one of my hands covered his, caressing his fingers. His lips moved over my shoulders, my back, my neck. He pulled his hand back from mine, but before I could protest, I could feel him pressing against me.

                I sighed as he entered me. His lips pressed against my neck as he moved. Slowly, slowly, in then out. He was being careful, I knew, but that wasn't what I wanted. I arched back against him and whispered, "Faster." His hand gripped my thigh as his pace increased. I could feel my breath catching as I felt him shift inside me. I grabbed his hand and moved it between my legs.  When I felt his fingers brush against me, I couldn't help crying out. He was murmuring incoherent things against my skin, but finally I felt him tense and heard him cy out. He buried himself deep inside of me as he came, then slowly pulled away, gasping for air.

                I paused for a moment. That was... it? I wasn't finished yet. He saw the look in my eyes, but gave me a quick reassuring kiss before moving down to kneel between my legs. I didn't know what to expect. My education hadn't covered more than the reproductive basics. Feeling his lips and tongue against me was like an electric shock. It was better than my hands, it was better than _his_ hands. My thighs clenched around his head and my fingers tangled in his hair. I was crying out, but he didn't let up. When I felt his fingers enter me, it was too much. I was coming, pulling him tightly against me, shaking.

                I could hardly breathe. I covered my face with a hand as he moved back up to lie beside me. He asked with some concern if anything was wrong, and I had to do my best not to laugh as I assured him that no, everything was very _right_. When I felt composed enough to look at him, I could see the doubt in his expression. I kissed him again, slower and sweeter than before. I smoothed the tousled hair back from his face as he reached out to me, pulling me close. I didn't want to ever _stop_ kissing, but the sun was down and I was already starting to shiver from the cold.

                We were apart only long enough to arrange the furs. We settled back together face to face, my forehead resting against his chest. I could feel his breath just barely ghost through my hair as we lay together. It took some time for me to fall asleep. I knew I could be planning for tomorrow, and I knew that it would be smarter to get all the rest I could, but all I wanted to do was lie here and enjoy the constant awareness of every place we touched. When I finally fell asleep, my last memory was of the warmth of his body and the slow rhythm of the rise and fall of his chest as he breathed.


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Arrrggg, the next time I do a long story, I'm doing it in third person. I don't care if it's harder for me to write. On the plus side, we're getting close to the finish! I need to plot out the last few chapters to see how they get broken up, but I am so close to being done with this silly thing. It'll be over before the end of the month with any luck. Next chapter might be up tomorrow if I manage to write quickly.

**Tarrlok**

\--

                I hadn't expected the nightmares to be gone. Some time after I fell asleep, I woke up to find Korra face down in the furs with her shoulders silently shaking. My first instinct was to reach out to her, but when I remembered how well that had gone before, I stopped. I couldn't bring myself to back away, and I'd never be able to sleep knowing she was like this. It was horrible to watch and guess at what she must be going through. Finally, I whispered, "Korra?"

                She jumped, scrambling backwards. She stopped when she hit the tent wall and sat hunched forward over her knees. "Oh, Tarrlok. I thought it was-- I don't even know what I thought. Sorry, I didn't want to wake you up."

                "You shouldn't be the one apologizing. Korra, I don't want to make this harder for you. I can leave."

                "N-no." She edged closer. "I want you to stay."

                "If you're having dreams about... what I did, it probably doesn't help that I'm sleeping right next to you."

                "Maybe, but it's not just you. It would be much worse if your brother was in here with you." she allowed, inching back towards me. "And I don't care if it would help if you went off on your own. I like it better this way."

                "I don't like to see you suffering."

                "It's not so bad. Really. I'm getting better. You should have seen me the first week or so. I accidentally hit Naga once and she thought _she_ was the one who had done something wrong."

                She was almost close enough to touch now, but when I reached out toward her she flinched away, and I pulled my hand back. "Korra, this isn't healthy. I'm just hurting you. I should take some of the furs and move to the other side of the tent."

                "No! I can handle it. Listen-- What if we tried something. Don't move. Just let me be the one to touch you." I was frozen still, even keeping my breathing shallow, as she closed the last of the distance between us. I watched her, but her eyes dropped from mine as she slowly stretched out a hand toward mine. That first contact was light, but she didn't break it as she came closer and settled herself under the furs. She hesitated for a moment, then slid her arm over my waist and leaned her forehead back where it had been against my chest. "That wasn't so hard," she whispered. "I can work on it."

                "I wish you didn't have to work on it. Listen, if there is anything I can do, anything at all--"

                Korra shrugged. "I can't think of anything. I've been dealing with this for a while, remember? If we're going to keep sleeping together, I need to fix it."

                That was the last thing she said, but those words stayed with me for a long time. I turned them over and over in my head as I felt her relax into sleep. One moment I was convinced she meant nothing by it, and the next I was sure that it was something real. She could have been trying to give me a message without being straightforward about it-- But she wasn't subtle enough for that kind of thing. My thoughts spiraled hopelessly until at some point, I must have drifted away.

                When Korra gently shook me awake, it was still dark outside. "More nightmares?" I mumbled.

                She shook her head and smiled. "No, the rest of the night was fine. We need to get going. Since I woke you up once already, I let you sleep while I did most of the packing. All that's left is the tent and these last few furs."

                As I stood and stretched, she continued, "I figured out a nice new trick, by the way. I didn't want to risk a fire, but I absolutely _hate_ raw fish. But there are some benefits to being a firebender." She waggled her fingers at me. "I held the fish in my hands and heated them without ever using an actual flame. My firebending control's still not great, so they were a little scorched, but it was definitely better than not cooking them at all."

                "Any left for an old man who overslept?"

                "Of course!" As I followed her out the tent flap the first thing I saw was Naga sniffing at something on the ground. "Naga, _no!!_ I already fed you plenty. These are for Tarrlok."

                I sat and ate as Korra finished the packs, and the polar bear dog sat beside me, looking mournfully at the little pile of fish. When Korra's back was turned, I slipped Naga the smallest one. She swallowed it in one bite, then went right back to staring at my food, furiously wagging her tail and taking little half-steps closer whenever I looked away.

                Korra laughed when she saw the two of us. "I think you've made a friend. You shouldn't believe her when she acts like that, though. You'd think I starved her or something. I'm pretty sure she doesn't believe there's such a thing as 'enough' food."

                We made our way back to the river bank quickly. Korra walked along with her boots in her hands, though she whispered to me that there was nothing anywhere near us. When we got to the edge of the trees, the only boat in sight was back a long ways upriver. We could see their lights, but it was still dark enough they shouldn't be able to spot us. Korra helped me into Naga's saddle before jumping up herself and we ran to the water. She braced herself against the stirrups, standing and pulling the water up around us. By the time she sat and slowed Naga back to a walk, we were deep under the river.

                Even though our day had barely started, I could already feel that my legs would be hurting at the end, just like yesterday. "Korra, is there any other way I can sit in this saddle?"

                "What do you mean?"

                "My legs won't be doing well after hours of this. I know you can heal me again, but if it's possible I'd prefer not to be dealing with it at all."

                "Hmm. Can you take the waterbending while I think?"

                The walls of the bubble only wavered for an instant as I reached out my hand to steady them. Korra pulled Naga to a stop and jumped down, peering at the two of us in the dim light. "I guess you could sit sideways. How good is your balance?"

                "Certainly not that good."

                "Oh well." She rubbed her chin. "Would it help if your legs weren't pushed so far apart?"

                "It couldn't hurt, at least. I can manage if there's no good solution."        

                "No, no, I think I've got it. Here, I'll take the bending and you move up to the front. If you lean back against me, you can put your legs up over her neck. Will that be any better?"

                "Definitely. Are you sure this will work though? I don't know how to steer a polar bear dog."

                She waved me off. "We'll manage. I'll be right there, just take the bending again while I check something." She knelt down and shut her eyes, putting a hand on the ground. "I thought so. Now that it's getting close to sunrise, there are patrols all over the place. Where did all these people come from? Most of them are south of us, but they're heading north." She vaulted up into the saddle. "If we'd waited much longer, they probably would have found our camp."

                "We can't stay ahead of them like this forever."

                "Oh, we won't. It's hard to tell from the map, but we must be so close to the end of the river. Once we're on the ocean, we can leave this mess behind us. Now, lean back on me and put your legs up. How does that feel?"

                "Much better. Very, ah-- soft. But are you sure you can steer like this?"

                "It's a little awkward, but mostly we just need Naga to keep going straight. If we run into trouble, it'll be better to have two competent benders, not one Avatar and one waterbender who can't even walk."

                "One half-crippled waterbender and one half-baked Avatar? That seems appropriate."

                She laughed at that. "Oh! And if you can handle the waterbending while we go, I can use the time to work on getting my firebending back under control. It was a lot easier to find time for this when we were just walking through the forest all day."

                "You weren't planning on using _actual_ firebending, were you?"

                "Of course. Why not?"

                "Fire eats air, and our supply down here is a touch limited."

                She sighed. "Right. I forgot about that part. Do you think you could talk firebending over with me the way we did with the others?"

                "I'll do what I can, certainly, but I know very little about the discipline." 

                "Oh, that's just fine. In a lot of ways, firebending is the opposite of waterbending, so you can just tell me what to do and I'll do the opposite." There was a short pause where I had to struggle not to speak, and then she laughed again. "So it should come very naturally."

                I smiled. "I _was_ trying to be polite, but a less civil person might say that you've had plenty of practice. Now, what can you say about firebending?"

                "Not too much. By the time I'd finished water and earth, I was so sick of being told to be spiritual that I'd stopped really listening to my teachers."

                "I'm sure we can get somewhere with it. Do you have anything you can start from?"

                "Well, when I was talking to my friends, I tried to ask Mako what firebending was like to him. He wasn't much help, though. He said something about it being life, but then it was all nonsense about how I remind him of fire and I'm different from how I used to be. Totally useless."

                I cleared my throat carefully. "I believe you two were... close? Back in Republic City?"

                "I-- I guess. But that was back then. Everything is so different now." I could feel her sigh.

                "Well-- Firebending. Let's start there. Firebending is life. How would you interpret that?"

                "I don't know. It's such a weird thing to say."

                "Could he meant it like the sun? That's a traditional representation of life, and heat and light do tie back to fire."

                "I suppose that could be part of it." Korra put her chin on the top of my head. "And firebending gets more powerful when the sun is up, so that does make sense."

                "Extending from that point, what could you say?"

                "I don't _know_. Maybe it's about power? That's what firebending feels like, anyways."

                "Well then, let's take that idea and follow it. That's a very broad word, power. I'd imagine that all the bending forms define it in a unique way. I'd say that waterbending thinks of strength in terms of adaption and balance. How would firebenders--"

                " _Tarrlok_. I already know I'm bad at the spiritual stuff, but I think I'm even worse at this. I'm completely lost."

                "I'm sorry, I thought we could build on the information we had to talk through the ideas behind the bending."

                "That sounded good, but I'm not following you at all. Can we just try the stuff where I just disagree with waterbending style?"

                "Of course, of course. Let me see. Well, let's start with the basics. Waterbending is very focused on the push and pull, the willingness to bend and give way. Is firebending like that?"

                "Absolutely not," she laughed. "You don't give way at all."

                "Now, that sounds like what you said about earthbending. Is it the same philosophy? Or if there are differences, what are they?"

                "This shouldn't be hard, but it is. I know what I want to say, but I can't find the exact right way to put it."

                "Try to put it in terms of a fight, perhaps. If that's where your strengths lie, it will be easier to see it from that viewpoint."

                She spoke hesitantly. "Well-- So if I was fighting and earthbending and someone attacked me, I'd block it or wait it out and find the right moment to strike back. If it was firebending, that's less physical than earth is. I can't build a solid wall out of fire, so I'd have to power through their attack with my bending."

                "Now, power is a word that's come up before."

                "I guess that there are some differences between fire and water or earth. You can't use water or ice or rocks to make a defense, so everything is kind of like an attack. You just have to have the control to limit the bending to what you want it to do."

                "Then in some ways it's closer to air than the other two elements. Only where air is most suited to being a defensive element, fire is much more suited to offence."

                She straightened. "You know about airbending?"

                 "A little. I've studied the life of Avatar Aang extensively. For a number of years he was the only living airbender, so a great many scholars made an effort to record the details of the discipline. After he and his wife had two children who were _not_ airbenders, there was some worry that airbending would die with him."

                "Sifu Katara said that he was always sure things would work out somehow."

                "Well, I'm glad that his son has chosen to have more children than he did. It's a much more intelligent way to carry on."

                "Hold on, I thought you didn't like Tenzin."

                "We've certainly had disagreements in relation to our political views, but I didn't bear him any personal ill will. He was a great help in my earliest days as the Northern Water Tribe representative, while I was still trying to get my feet under me. I never would have thought he'd put aside the airbender pacifism to such an extent as to support my execution." I realized my voice was trailing off and shook myself. "And of course I would never wish to see the Air Nomads die out entirely. I hope he continues to have more and more children with that pretty young wife of his and they all turn out to be airbenders."

                "The new baby is going to be an airbender. Sifu Katara could tell back when Pema and Tenzin came down to visit me at the South Pole." Korra sighed. "I wish I was that good of a healer."

                "I suppose everything comes with time. Remember, you're barely older than she was when she met Avatar Aang."

                We talked for some hours more before I realized that the light had begun to fade. "Korra, it hasn't been that long, has it? Surely it isn't sunset already?"

                "No, definitely not. What on earth is going on?"

                She slid down from Naga's back, kneeling and putting her hands down to the earth. Her eyes were shut and she was frowning deeply as she concentrated. I was just beginning to worry when she suddenly grinned from ear to ear. "We did it!"

                "Pardon?"

                "I'll bet you it's dark because the water is getting deeper." She reached out a hand to touch the wall, then tasted her fingertips. "We've reached the ocean!"

                "That's wonderful! I suppose we should head back to shore to resupply before we make the crossing. It isn't as easy to fish out in the deep water. And perhaps it would be better to get some rest before we--"

                But Korra was shaking her head. She put her hands back to the ground, her eyes unfocused as she stared straight ahead. "There are people _everywhere._ I can't find anywhere we could come to shore without being seen. I don't know. Perhaps it would be better to just go to the surface right now and get our start."

                "No, no. I don't think that would go well at all. There have to be battleships up there and we can't risk being spotted. They must have figured out that we're using the river to travel by now. We need to think of something clever." We stood in silence for some time. "How much farther can Naga travel today, do you think?"

                "She'll be fine for a few hours more, but it's no good. The deeper we get, the harder it will be to bring all of us up from the bottom. If I messed up the earthbending or either of us dropped the waterbending, we'd probably drown."

                "That's not what I was thinking of. From what your friends told them, everyone knows we're headed for the North Pole, right?" She nodded. "Then we do something unexpected. We stop going north."

                "Then how are we supposed to keep you safe?"

                "I mean just for now. For the rest of the day we go east. We get behind their lines. It sounds like they're concentrating their efforts right here, so we just need to find the place where they aren't bothering to watch. We take one last night on shore, and before they're ready for us, we start the crossing."

                The frown had fallen from Korra's face and her eyes were shining. "I love it! They'll never see it coming."

                "I certainly hope not."

                "And you think we should go east?"

                "It will put us closer to the capital city. I don't think we can get far enough that we'll be due south of it, but it will mean we spend less time on the open water."

                "Sounds like a good plan. Let's do it!"

                "Hold on. It wasn't too hard to follow the river bed, but we don't have anything to get our bearings on down here. We need to be sure we stay headed in the right direction. How can we do that without going too shallow?"

                Korra groaned. "I guess you want me to walk barefoot, then?"

                "Is earthbending the only way?"

                "I can't think of anything else. I like dirt, and I like water, but I _hate_ getting mud between my toes."

                I made a little half-bow. "Then just for you, I'll do my best to dry out the ground even more while I hold the walls. Wait, though-- Does this leave me steering Naga and doing the waterbending?"

                "The last time I tried to bend earth and water at the same time, it didn't go so well. Don't worry about Naga! It'll be easy."

                "Handling the waterbending keeps me occupied enough. I do not feel up to learning to guide a giant predator at the same time. I'm walking too."

                Korra kept a hand on Naga's side as we continued. After an hour or so, she said that there were hardly any people on the land anymore, but we decided to press on as long as we could. By what was probably midafternoon, the air in the bubble was getting noticeably stale, and we began to look for a good place to come ashore. Once Korra found a sheltered cove where trees grew almost right to the water's edge, we climbed back into the saddle and prepared to run. I held tightly to Korra's waist, but looked back behind us, worrying that a ship might be in position to catch sight of us before we reached cover. Nothing. We'd made it.


	24. Chapter 24

**Korra**

\--

                Tarrlok and I took our time setting up the camp that day. I stayed barefoot, just in case, but I couldn't feel anything that we'd need to worry about. Naga followed us back down to the water and lay down next to me while I kept watch and Tarrlok caught the fish we needed. Instead of hauling all of them back to the camp, I let Naga dig into her portion of the food. Once we had enough to feed us all for a few days, we headed to the camp.

                We talked about firebending more as the dinner cooked. I could see what Tarrlok was trying to do, but it was no good. I couldn't remember enough to make much difference. It would have to wait until I found a firebending master to teach me the basics again. What I had now was good enough for cooking fires and other simple things, but I didn't have nearly enough control to use it in a fight. Well, at least I had my earthbending and waterbending almost back to what they had been. I'd started the trip in a much worse position than I was in now.

                We ate, I healed Tarrlok, and by the time we were finishing our tea, grey clouds had covered the sky. "Rain," he said. "Do you think you can do something about it?"

                "Sure." I could remember just how well it had gone the last time I tried to make a shelter and took my time with the earthbending. It wasn't perfect, but it was _so_ much better than before. As an afterthought, I added a little sheltered area at the front where Naga could curl up and stay dry. She didn't  mind the rain, but wet polar dog bear smell was not something we needed to deal with tomorrow. Within minutes of finishing, the first drops of rain had started to fall.

                Tarrlok and I put out the fire and ran into the tent, carrying the last few things we'd had outside with us. Even though the sun wasn't even close to setting, it was dark under the rock and canvas. We paused for a moment, then reached for each other at the same time. I held him close for a kiss, and he put his arm around my waist, pulling me against him. After a minute, though, he broke away and rested his forehead against mine.

                "Wait. As much as I want this-- And, Korra, I _certainly_ want this-- This is not the best time."

                I let my lips brush against his. "It's no worse than the other times."

                "No. Well, yes. What I'm trying to say is that we should get rest. There's a very limited window before they realize we've tricked them and if we go do sleep now--"

                I reached for his belt. "Well I'm not going to be able to sleep right now. And this is just a guess, but I don't think you'll be able to either."

                He kissed me again, and I could feel him smiling. "Maybe I'd be able to sleep if you stopped trying to provoke me."

                "You want this as much as I do, right? Even if it's just something quick, why not do it? Once we get up north, I don't know how many chances we'll have."

                "You are hopeless," he murmured against my mouth. I had to laugh as I dragged him down onto the furs. It was faster than I would have liked, but I could understand what he had been trying to tell me.

                Once we were finished and curled up against each other, I couldn't help saying, "You know that thing you did yesterday? That thing with your mouth?"

                "Mmm?"

                "Can you do that again?"

                "What, _now_?"

                I sighed. "Well it doesn't have to be now. But soon?"

                He was half asleep by now. "Of course, Korra."

                "Or... What would happen if I did that to you?"

                His head shot up. "You want to do that? For me? I-- Certainly. It would be wonderful. Yes. Certainly."

                "Now?"

                "Korra. We need to rest." He kissed my cheek, then determinedly lay back down again.

                I'd expected to have trouble falling asleep so early in the day, but after some time feeling the slow rise and fall of his chest, I drifted off. I didn't remember any nightmares when I woke up, but perhaps it was because I hadn't gotten anything close to a full night's rest. I tried to roll over and go back to sleep, but Tarrlok shook my shoulder and whispered my name again.

                "What time is it?"

                "Perhaps midnight?"

                " _Why?_ "

                "Korra, we need to be out of sight by the time the sun comes up. You can sleep more on the ocean."

                I groaned. "How are you even awake? We can sleep a few more hours. It'll be fine."

                "I'm sure that once you take the time to think it over, you'll see this is safer. Let's go."

                I rolled over again and buried my face, but he began stealing the furs away, one by one. "Stop it! It's freezing in here and I'm naked."

                "Well, your clothes are right here. All you have to do is sit up and put them on."

                It was a trap. As soon as I moved he grabbed the last of the furs, tucking them into our packs. "Good to see you're up. The sooner we take down the tent, the sooner we can be off."

                "That was a dirty trick."

                He shrugged. "I could have dismantled the tent with you still inside. Or I could have put ice in the furs with you. My mother used to do that to me when I wouldn't wake up."

                "That's _horrible_."

                Even once the three of us got down to the water's edge, I hardly felt awake. As soon as we were out on the water, he could bend and I'd go right back to sleep. Tarrlok and I began to build an ice floe. Every time I thought it was big enough, he decided that it should probably be a little larger, just to be safe. "Tarrlok, we're both waterbenders and we're going on the ocean. If it turns out to be too small, we can fix it."

                Finally, he sighed and agreed. It took some persuading to get Naga to step from the ground onto the ice. I had to get up in front of her and pull her along by her harness while Tarrlok held the ice steady. As soon as she settled down, though, we were ready. With Naga between us, we stood on opposite sides of the ice and pushed away from shore. With two benders speeding it along, we quickly left the land behind us.

                By that time, I was much too awake to sleep again. If I was going to be up all night traveling across the ocean, I could at least be comfortable. I pulled away some water to build a bench in the middle of the floe and sat down.

                Tarrlok glanced over and said, "Put down some of the furs. That should be better than bare ice."

                It was. Once I was finished, he sat down beside me and took up the bending again. "It's freezing out here," I muttered.

                He shrugged. "We're far north at this point and it's the middle of the night. Isn't your clothing made for this kind of weather?"         

                "Yes, but I get cold when I'm _tired_."

                 "You can sleep if you want to."

                "I can't sleep. I'm too cold."

                He sighed and reached out. "Here, sit against me, and put another fur over your shoulders. Does that help?"

                "...I guess."

                "Just try to rest if you can. I'll keep us moving."

                I dozed on and off for some time more. When I woke up again it was still dark. "Tarrlok, you're shivering."

                He shrugged. "It is cold."

                "Put something on to keep yourself warm!"

                "I did already. The trouble is this coat isn't thick enough."

                "Oh, you should have said something! We could have stopped at a village or found something."

                "That would have just told the soldiers where we were again. It's fine, Korra. I can last until we get to the North Pole. We can find somewhere to buy warmer clothing there."

                "Wait, I know what I can do. Give me your hand."           

                "Why?"

                "Firebending, of course! It's easy to keep someone warm without hurting them, and if I'm helping you out it will stop me from feeling so cold too."

                "No, no." He pulled back and edged away along the bench. "I know exactly how well you're doing with firebending right now. I appreciate the thought, but I've had enough unpleasant experiences with fire already and I happen to be completely out of spare hands."

                " _Tarrlok_. It's the easiest thing. I've been doing it for years." His eyebrows shot up, but he didn't say a word. "Look, what if I practiced on my own first so you can see just how safe it is?"

                "If, _if_ I am convinced that there is no chance of things going badly, then I might be willing to give it a try."

                I put my hands together and focused. Just for an instant, a flame shot out of my fingertips. I turned and glared at Tarrlok. "Don't say a word."

                He looked off into the distance. "I wouldn't dream of it."

                It only took a few minutes to find my control again. This was simple bending, and I'd been able to do it since my earliest years at the compound. As soon as I'd found the balance, I held it steady, memorizing the way the fire felt. "Tarrlok, it's safe now."

                "See, you said that before."       

                "I mean it this time. My hands are nice and warm. Just let me--"

                "Stop, _stop_. At least don't go grabbing for me like that. What if you hold still and I come as close as I'm comfortable?"

                "It's not going to burn you. It's just warm." But I didn't move as he slowly reached for my right hand. He touched it gingerly, like it was a boiling pot. "See, nothing too bad."

                "You can understand my reasons, I hope."

                I shifted uneasily. "Well, yes. But the first thing any firebender gets taught is that they need to be careful. It's easier to hurt someone with fire than with anything else."

                "So would you say that control is one of the central principles of firebending?"

                " _No_. We're not going back to that all again."

                It was some time before either of us spoke again. I kept our ice moving with my free arm, while my other hand held Tarrlok's. When I leaned over to put my head on his shoulder, he rested his chin on top of my hair.

                "Are you excited to be going back home?"

                He sighed. "I wouldn't really call it home. I've lived in Republic City for more than half my life."

                "But you were born here, weren't you? Didn't it make you sad to leave everything behind?"

                "There wasn't much there to leave. Noatak was gone and my father was dead. I tried to stay for my mother, but I couldn't do it. I had to get away from it all, or I would have suffocated. If I have a home anymore, it's Republic City."

                "You must have missed your mother, though. Couldn't she have come with you?"

                "She wouldn't leave the house. She said my father built it for her and she'd never be happy anywhere else. After she died, there was nothing up north to tie me there any longer."

                "Oh."

                There was silence for a while longer before he spoke. "I'm guessing that you miss the South Pole, then?"

                "So much."

                "Friends? Family?"

                "Both. Well, sort of. My only close family down there is my parents. I got to say goodbye when I left, but that was all. I didn't think it would be so bad because when I was training I only got to see them once or twice a month, but it was so much harder when I knew they weren't just an hour away and I couldn't go talk to them if I really wanted. We've sent each other letters, but it's not the same at all."

                "Are they ever going to visit you?"

                I shrugged. "Perhaps. But I don't think they'd ever stay. They don't even like the little cities we've got down south, so I think they'd have to hate Republic City. If I asked them to, I think they'd come. So I can't ask. That makes it harder, you know?"               

                "Of course. But what about old friends? A great many young people come into the city these days looking for work."

                "It isn't going to happen."

                "Why?"

                "They aren't really _friends_. Not in the way Mako, Bolin, and Asami are. There' s Sifu Katara, but she's really more like family than anything else. All my other friends were my guards and teachers at the compound. A few of them did end up coming north, but it's not the same anymore. They're just here to protect me. They all prefer to talk to each other than to me, anyways. I'm probably the youngest by at least ten years, so they didn't even start really talking to me at all until a few years ago."

                "That's all? There was nobody your age?"

                "I didn't have time for anything else. I had to learn to be the Avatar, remember? I was pretty young when I found Naga, or I don't think my teachers would have let me take the time to train her. It's not like people were unpleasant or anything. They were always nice to me. I'm just not sure they'd describe me as _their_ friend."

                "They must miss you, though. I'm sure your parents do."

                "Oh yes. It was the hardest thing to leave again after we went down south after the revolution was over. You can always tell right when my mom is trying not to cry, and that just makes it even harder to keep acting-- And a few of the White Lotus guards have sent me letters wishing me good luck. It just isn't easy to think that I'll never get back what I had there. I need to live somewhere like Republic City to be effective as the Avatar. And I _like_ Republic City, but I also like home. Really, if I went back to the South Pole, nothing would be the same anyways. The compound where I lived has already been torn down, and Sifu Katara moved back to her home village."

                "I'm afraid that it's part of growing up."

                "I just wish it didn't have to happen," I sighed.

                "At least even if places change, people don't have to. Those guards will be telling their grandchildren someday how _they_ once caught the Avatar trying to sneak out on her polar bear dog, and how the Avatar had to listen to them because _they_ were the one in charge. I'm sure you'll be playing a part in some very fond memories."

                I had to smile at that picture. "I need to get better at replying to my letters. I don't want them to all forget me."

                "If nothing else, I can _assure_ you that you are extremely memorable."

                "At least coming up all the way north like this, I'll get to see my uncle and cousins. Oh! You are going to love uncle Unalaq. He acts tough, but he's actually so nice and when I was little he used to wrestle with me and Naga and he'd let me think I was winning--"

                Tarrlok was laughing. "Korra, I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I'm already very well acquainted with Unalaq. I represented the Northern Water Tribe, remember? I've been on good terms with the chief for years."

                "But you just _said_ you've lived in Republic City for ages."

                "I've visited the capital occasionally, and sometimes he comes to the city. And of course we correspond regularly so I can update him on new legislation and he can advise me as to the best interests of the Water Tribe."

                My shoulders slumped. "Oh."

                He'd stopped laughing, but I still could hear the smile in his voice. "However, I would be delighted if you cared to introduce me to your cousins. I've never had the pleasure of meeting the young prince and princess."

                "Well, I'll do it, sure, but I don't know how much you'll enjoy it. Desna and Eska aren't... _mean_ or anything. They're really strange. I never know what they're thinking."

                "I enjoy a challenge. I'd be happy to make their acquaintances."

                Occasionally through the rest of the night, we could see lights from a ship in the distance. Even though I doubted it would make much difference, Tarrlok warned me that we should keep our voices to a whisper. For a little while he dozed off leaning against me as I pushed us onward. When the sun began to rise, I took the half of our remaining fish and cooked them in my hands while he took over the waterbending.

                "How much longer do you think this will take?"

                "I'm not sure," he replied. "I've never traveled this way myself. I heard from a friend that he made the journey in three days, but that was with just one waterbender moving himself along. And frankly, I doubt he was as strong as either of us. I hope we'll find land before nightfall, but I have no idea how far we've come already."

                Being able to see the progress of the sun across the sky only reminded me of how little sleep I'd gotten since yesterday. When Tarrlok noticed me snapping at every little thing he said, he persuaded me to rest as well as I could. I managed to sleep with my face buried in his shoulder, and by the time I woke up it was well past noon. Then it was his turn to try to rest while I did the waterbending.

                As soon as I watched him move, though, I worried at how stiff he was. If I was sore after sitting for so long on a block of ice, it must have been awful for him. I didn't want to take off his clothing when it was already so painfully cold, but I did my best for what I could reach of his neck and shoulders as he leaned against me. By the time I reached for his hand again to keep it warm , he had dozed off. He didn't sleep well, but I held him tucked against me as we pushed on through the water. By the time I noticed that the sun was beginning to set and my hands were getting shaky, I gently shook Tarrlok awake.

                "We're not there yet, and I need real sleep before we go on much longer. I need you to take over."


	25. Chapter 25

**Tarrlok**

* * *

                Every inch of me ached. I hadn't thought I'd be able to sleep like this, but exhaustion must have overcome discomfort. The furs were better than nothing, but it didn't change the fact that we'd been sitting on a block of ice for almost a whole day. From the way Korra moved, she had to be hurting too. I'd hoped that we would have finished the journey by now. How long did we have before the searchers realized we'd escaped them? Their boats could overtake us at any time. It was more luck than anything that we hadn't been spotted by a routine patrol. Lasting a whole day longer on the open water without being caught would be too much to hope for.

                Korra was trying to settle down against my side, her face buried in my coat. Her shoulders were shaking. "Korra, you're not well. You should have woken me sooner."

                "S'fine. Just tired."

                "You aren't going to get any decent rest sitting like this. Listen, take the furs and go sleep against Naga. It might be a little warmer and you'll get to lie down properly."

                She sat up, rubbing at her forehead. "What about you? There won't be furs left to keep you warm."

                "It will be fine. I'll be busy bending."

                "Nope." She stretched and groaned. "I'm the healer here, and I say no. Besides, you're keeping me warm more than the furs are. You come with me too."

                "I won't be able to bend well like that, you know."

                "Oh, sorry. I thought you said you were a _good_ waterbender."

                "Korra."

                She smiled up at me. "If it's more comfortable for me, it'll be more comfortable for you, right? Besides, it gives me two soft, warm things to lean against. If it's better than how we've been sitting, I don't care if it slows us down a little. We have to be getting close by now."

                I wasn't so confident, but I followed her as she collected the furs and arranged them against the polar bear dog. Naga watched us with some interest at first, then sighed and put her head back down on the ice.

                "I know, girl," Korra said. "We'll be there soon and then we'll _never_ have to ride on the ice ever again."

                Once the sun was down, I was glad for that extra warmth. Korra was snoring where she was curled up against my side, but I had enough room to bend with my free arm. We were definitely slower than before, but it was seemed more due to how tired I was rather than anything else. Every so often I checked our course against the small compass Korra had dug out of our packs, but most of my effort went into not dozing off where I sat. To let the ocean currents sweep us away now would be a disaster.

                At first I was sure I was imagining things. The faint lights on the horizon were surely stars. It was only reflections off the water. I peered off into the distance for perhaps a half hour before I was finally sure. "Korra." My voice was hoarse. "Korra, we've made it."

                It wasn't easy to wake her up. I did my best, but it wasn't until the ice ground to a stop against the stones of the beach that she jolted awake. She came up ready to fight. I had to make an effort not to laugh at the look on her face. She cleared her face and tried to look composed, but I was almost sure she could see the smile I was trying to hide. "So, we're there."

                "Indeed. I tried to tell you some time ago, but you said 'five more minutes' and stole all the furs you could reach."

                "I did _not!_ "

                "I'm quite sure you are right, then. Be that as it may, I could use some rest myself. Could you perhaps manage the tent?"

                She paused. "I can do better. I'll make a cave to get us out of the wind. It'll be fast and much warmer without having to make a fire."

                She was done in a matter of minutes. I gathered up the scattered furs from the ice , dropping them in the tunnel she had built, then returned to dispose of our floe. Once I'd melted it away into nothing, there was no clue to say that we'd come ashore here. Even with the compass, we'd almost certainly drifted from our original course. Hopefully there would be no way to guess at our path. As Korra finished setting up the tent, I leaned against the wall of the cave and tried to remember anything I'd ever learned about the Northern currents.

                "Korra, I think there's a chance the ocean took us further east than we'd planned. I'm not certain, mind. It's been years since I had to know these things."

                "Did we overshoot the capital, then?"

                "No, definitely not. I would have seen that. There are enough electric lights it would have been unmistakable from the water."

                "What does it mean, then? I'm too tired to think."

                "I'm hoping that we're closer to the city than where we originally would have landed.  If we can get our bearings, do you think we can travel over land again? It can't be long until patrols start combing the sea for us."

                "Naga will be pretty obvious."

                "From a distance, she should blend into the snow. That's part of what makes them so dangerous, isn't it? It's not easy to see them coming. I only suggest it if we're within a day or two's journey. Frankly, I'm not up to more. Not in this weather with these clothes."

                "Tarrlok, can't we just figure it out in the morning? I'm _exhausted_ and I'm going to start picking fights if I can't get some real sleep soon."

                "Of course, of course. My apologies."

                Korra practically fell into the furs before rolling over to make space for me. She put her arms around me and burrowed in close to my chest. "You're warm. I like that."

                I had a clever reply ready, but somewhere between thinking it and gathering the energy to say it, I must have fallen asleep. If there were nightmares, they didn't wake me. The next thing I knew was opening my eyes to see Korra peering out through the tent flaps.

                When she turned and saw me, she said, "Sorry, I meant to let you sleep."

                "How early is it?"

                "Early?" She laughed. "It's not early at all. That's sunset."

                It took a moment to understand. " _Sunset?_ Korra, we lost a whole day!"

                She flapped a hand at me. "Stop that. You needed the rest. I saw how badly you were doing last night, so don't try to argue with me."

                "It doesn't matter how well I'm doing. We need to get away from the coast before searchers come looking for us."

                "Fine, then. We'll leave the coast just as soon as you tell me a good way to keep us fed without the water."

                "I grew up here. I began hunting with my father and brother when I was just a child."   

                "And how long ago was that? Do you even remember how to hunt? We can't afford to make any mistakes now, and we know we can get fish from the water."

                "I have certain advantages, remember? I'll be able to feel any nearby animals, and I can bring them down myself too. I don't know how much practice, but bloodbending can be a more humane death than an inexperienced hunter. It hopefully won't be much of a problem with Naga around, but I'll make sure there's no danger from predators."               

                "Wait, you can feel them? With bloodbending?"

                "Yes."

                "So... you can feel me too?"

                "Yes."

                "What's it like?"

                I paused for a moment to think. "It's as though you have your hand on someone's chest and can feel the beating of their heart. It's like that, but I don't have to be touching you. The heartbeat is always there in the back of my mind."

                "That's not fair," she sighed

                "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable--"

                "No, no, that's not what I meant. It isn't fair. The full moon's gone, so it's going to be another month before I can try that too." She was quiet for a moment before she shook herself. "You're _certain_ about the hunting? If you are, I'll get the fish for tonight and we can start moving tomorrow."

                "Perhaps we can go some distance today. I'd be happier if we weren't right on the water's edge."

                "Are you sure you'll manage? Your coat isn't too warm and it was absolutely freezing last night."

                "I'll get by. None of this will matter if I get caught again."

                By the time she came back with a cloth full of fish, I'd had a chance to stretch away some of the aches. Naga dug into her portion as Korra began to cook our dinner, fish by fish, in her hands. "The hunting might be a better idea than I'd thought. There are hardly any fish in the shallow water here. I had to make some ice and go out a ways to find anything."

                "Korra, that's not safe! What if someone had seen you?"

                "We have to eat, don't we? It's been over a day since we had a decent meal. I'm a growing girl."

                "You're sure you weren't spotted?"

                "I couldn't see any ships, and I think they would have stood out a lot more than I did. And once morning comes we can get away from the shore and our clothing won't look out of place at all.

                "How about we keep going until it's dark. That should give us an hour or two and then we can make camp again."

                "I guess that works. Do you have any idea where we are?"

                "This is some distance from where I grew up. All I can say is that we should keep heading east. It shouldn't be hard to spot the capital once we get close."

                "We could always find someone to ask for directions. Maybe we could trade for a decent coat for you too."

                I shook my head. "Too risky. Anyone who lived here would already know where the city is. We don't want to give anyone a reason to remember us."

                "We have to look for something warm, though, don't we?" She reached over to pluck at my sleeve. "I don't know what a Water Tribe guy like you is doing with something this thin."

                "I never needed anything that thick while I was in Republic City. I had warmer things for my trips back north, but that was just functional clothing. This _was_ a very nice coat before we started tramping through woods and under rivers."

                Once we'd eaten, we took down the tent and set out. Korra closed off the tunnel behind us, and just for good measure I swept a thick covering of snow over where it had been. Korra couldn't go constantly barefoot anymore, so we'd be blind to pursuers, but we could probably assume that any earthbenders trying to find us would be even less capable of dealing with the snow than she was. On Naga's back with Korra's arms around me, the cold was less difficult to deal with. We'd been walking for at least an hour with little conversation when we spotted the lights ahead of us.

                "Tarrlok, do you see that? It looks like a home. Why don't I go see if I can trade for clothes for you?"

                "You'll have to be careful. We can't let anyone guess who we are."

                "I know that. We've already had this conversation."

                "Yes, but last time you were caught. We need to do better."

                " _Fine._ What do we need to do, then?"

                I closed my eyes to think. "First, it will have to just be you. I can't afford to show my face. Anyone with eyes would guess who I was. So you'll have to go yourself, you'll have to be disguised, and you'll have to manage a plausible story."

                "There's not much around to disguise myself with. And I'm awful at lies. You saw how well it went last time."

                "Then it is fortunate that you're here with a professional liar. You'll be fine. It only takes practice. I'll have something ready in a minute. In the meantime, your hair can be changed, at least. Your picture has been all over the papers for months. Try.... low pigtails. Part your hair down the middle and let it drape to cover your cheeks."

                She grumbled, but pulled her hair out of its ponytails. "What's my story, then? Am I trying to help my brother again."

                "No. No overlap between the stories. You need a name, first of all. Something you can remember easily. What were your grandmothers named?"

                "My mother's mother was named Tanaraq--"

                "That works then. It's nice to meet you, Tanaraq. Now, you're traveling _away_ from the capital. Your family moved there from the country looking for work."

                "Why am I leaving then?"

                "No work to be had, at least not for decent wages. That's a common enough story in cities these days. You hadn't been in the city long, and your mother died. Your father is bringing the family back to the old town. And what's your name?"

                "My name-- Tan--"

                "Tanaraq. Repeat it."

                "Tanaraq."         

                I nodded. "Now introduce yourself to  me."

                "Uh. Hello, my name is Tanaraq."

                "I'm glad to make your acquaintance. What are you doing out here?"

                "My family. We're leaving the city."        

                "Really! It's much more common to see people moving to the capital these days." I waited, but Korra seemed lost. "Remember, Tanaraq. Jobs."

                "Oh, right. There weren't enough jobs. After my mother died, my father didn't want to stay there any longer. We're going back home."

                "And what's your name?"

                "Tanaraq."

                "Very good. Now, you're looking for warm things for your father. He's not young anymore, and he feels the cold more than he used to. If they have a coat and gloves they can spare, you're looking to trade for them."

                "I-- I guess so. Is there anything else?"

                "Yes. your father and brother are hunting. You're not with them because you've never been very strong." She laughed and I had to smile. "I know, I know, but they won't be able to tell under your coat. Do you think you can manage to be a fragile, delicate lady for just an hour?"

                "I guess I can try."

                "Now, let's go through it all again."

                We passed the story back and forth until Korra could tell me all of the little details of her family without any trouble. By the time I was happy with it, we had passed the house, but were still close enough to see the lights. I sorted through the packs to find the little trinkets she'd taken from my room. I sighed as I tried to find the best one for the job.

                "Should I take a few, just in case?"

                "No matter what we try to trade, we'll be the ones getting cheated. These are all quite fine. I just need to decide which one I least mind parting with."

                "Does it matter that much?"

                "These were all from my bedroom, weren't they? I had them there because they were my favorites. It took years to gather these all together."

                "Oh. I'm sorry--"

                I waved her off. "It doesn't matter much now. I'd rather have something warm to wear than a pile of pretty, useless things." Finally, I decided on a carved ivory bird. "That will do. It is certainly worth enough that you won't have to worry about bargaining. See if you can get some food that will travel well, perhaps. Maybe some dried meat. You have a long trip ahead of you before you reach home, Tanaraq."

                I wished her luck as she walked off toward the cabin. Snow was beginning to fall. That would cover our tracks, but for the moment it just meant I was cold _and_ damp. I pulled a fur around my shoulders and settled down against Naga to wait.

                It wasn't long at all before Korra came jogging back. I felt her before I saw her. "I did it!" she called once she was close. "A coat _and_ gloves _and_ a bag full of food. It's a little worn, but it looks like it's just the right size to fit you." I'd hardly stood before she reached me, and then she was tugging my old coat over my head and pulling the new one on. I hadn't realized how cold I was until it was on. This was what a Water Tribe coat should be. Once the one glove was on and the other was stuffed into a pack, I was perfectly happy.

                Korra was grinning and bouncing from foot to foot. "It was perfect. They didn't suspect anything at all and they tried to get me to bring my father and brother back to their house to spend the night. They made sure that my brother and I had enough clothing too, and that we had proper tents and weapons to hunt with, and they were _so_ friendly. And you know what? We're less than a day from the capital. They said that it was good that my father had seen he'd need a better coat on the first night out of the city, because it's hard to find houses further out to the west."

                "You're sure they weren't trying to trick you?"

                "I'm pretty sure. It was a wife and husband and their baby, and I think she was only a few years older than me. They said they'd been through the same thing in the capital, but they settled nearby to stay close to family. Qilaq's even taller than you, so I was almost sure that his old coat would fit you fine. They gave me smoked meat and fish, and a bag of sea prunes! I haven't had those since I left the South Pole. I was smart too. After I left, I headed north, then went east after I was far enough away they couldn't see me anymore."

                "Wonderful! Nevertheless, would you object to continuing on for some time? I'd rather not be sleeping so near  someone who knows that we're here."

                "Sure, we can keep going.  Perhaps not for too much longer, though? I'm still pretty tired."

                Once we were up in Naga's saddle again, we turned back to the east. Even though the moon was close to full, almost no light came through the thick clouds overhead. I hoped that Naga could do well in the dark because I could hardly see anything. When we crossed over the hilltop though, it was impossible to miss the lights of the city. They spilled out from the center, down to the water's edge and off into the low hills. At this distance, it almost looked like Republic City in winter.

                Korra and I stopped there to camp. She made a tunnel to get us out of the wind and hide us from searchers, but even with Naga leaning against the tent flaps it was too chilly for me to want to take off my new coat. There were some kisses and caresses, but Korra finally had to sigh and admit that it might be a little too cold to be getting naked. I laughed and told her there would be enough time for all that once we were in a warm house with a nice fire. Once she put out the last lantern, we went to sleep curled together under the furs.

                It was nice to eat without having to worry about finding our food first. That was something I missed about city life. Korra took the time that morning to comb out my hair and pull it back nicely. Sometime I would have to figure out how to put in the ties by myself, but for now it was nice to sit back and just feel her fingers running through my hair. In daylight, I could tell that it wouldn't be even half a day's ride to reach the edges of the city. By this night, we'd be in the capital, and I would -- hopefully -- be safe.

                When we began to pass the first outlying houses, the excitement faded a little. It was difficult to ignore the way people pointed and stared. Some of it had to be the Avatar. There was only one woman out there who rode a tame polar bear dog. But there were the mothers who pulled their children back into houses, the hushed whispers, and the outright glares. Korra was glaring right back. I had to whisper to cut her off when I worried she might be about to start talking to the watchers.

                "Korra, don't antagonize them."

                "I don't like the way they're staring!"

                "It's not a surprise. Everyone has to know by now that you've been abducted by a dangerous bloodbender. Even aside from that, you'd have to expect them to stare. It's not really possible to hide a missing arm and burn scars like these."

                "I hardly even see them anymore."

                "Of course, Korra, but that's just because you've been looking at them this whole time. If I were to see myself in a mirror, I'm sure I'd stare too."

                It was difficult to ignore the pressure of so many eyes on us. Soon enough, there were other worries, though. Armored soldiers made through the streets, pushing the crowd back into the buildings and alleys. I tensed, expecting them to arrest us, but they simply formed themselves into an escort. They left us a wide berth and made  no effort to speak to us, but if we'd attempted to go anywhere but the palace, I'm sure they would have objected. The silence was almost as bad as the crowd's whispers had been. The sound of their marching grated on my nerves, and I found myself looking forward to the end of the journey, no matter what it brought.

                More soldiers were waiting for us when we came to the palace gate. An officer stepped forward and made a deep bow. "Avatar Korra. May I respectfully request that you leave your animal here before you are taken to see the chief?"

                "Don't be silly. My uncle's known Naga since she was a puppy."

                "Regardless, this is official business. Please agree to leave your animal behind, Avatar. She will be guarded while you are away."

                "Fine," Korra sighed. "This isn't necessary, you know. I just need to speak to my uncle."

                "But of course. Chief Unalaq  is already waiting for you inside."

                When we were escorted into the small chamber, Korra ran to greet her uncle. I hung back. It was impossible to ignore the armed guards that lined the walls. Unalaq returned Korra's hug, but his eyes never left my place. After a moment, he pulled away from Korra and stepped toward me. "Tarrlok."

                I bowed. "Unalaq. It is good to see you."             

                "I hardly recognize you."

                I shrugged. "There was only so much that healing could do."

                This was wrong. Korra had been wrong. This wasn't my old friend. Nothing would be different in my home country. Unalaq couldn't or wouldn't look past the bloodbending. How long did I have before I was turned over to the military? How long until I was deported back to Republic City? Or would my execution be done here?

                Korra walked over, still smiling. "Uncle Unalaq, I'm sure you've been hearing some incredible things, but none of it is true at all. Tarrlok didn't kidnap me or anything. I had to get him out of the city, but I knew it would be almost impossible, so I made up some stories to cover our tracks. See, the city council was planning to kill him for being a bloodbender and it was complicated, but as the Avatar--"

                Unalaq held up his hand. "Avatar Korra. If you are going to lay such serious matters at my doorstep, you cannot address me as your uncle. I am the chief of the Northern Water Tribe, and that is who you are addressing right now."

                "I'm just trying to say that I need you to give Tarrlok your protection right now. I needed to get him somewhere safe to buy time to sort things out."

                "Absolutely not. I am appalled that you would ask such a thing of me."

                "Uncle! I already told you that the stories aren't true--"

                " _Avatar_. Does that change the fact that he is a _bloodbender_ who has _already_ abducted you once before? You ask me to protect this sort of man? You are young, but I am ashamed that you did not think better on such serious matters. We will keep him in custody until he can be turned over to the United Forces. Captain," he called. "Please take Councilman Tarrlok to the prison."

                "Uncle Unalaq, you can't do this! I brought him here to protect him! I won't let you take him!"

                I cut in, "Korra, stop. Think. There is nothing you can do from here. Don't make this worse for yourself."

                "No! I promised you--"

                " _Stop_. You can't do anything like this. Take the time to consider your path forward. You can't win everything by fighting."

                Those were all the words we had time for. The soldiers were pulling me away then, shoving me toward the door. There were benders beyond the soldiers with water held at the ready. They were taking no chances. The last thing I saw as they led me out of the room was Korra, staring helplessly after me. Then I was gone.


	26. Chapter 26

**Korra**

\--

                As soon as the doors had swung shut behind the soldiers, I spun to face my uncle. "You can't do this! I promised him that he'd be safe here!"

                The chief sighed. "On what grounds? As the Avatar you do _not_ have the authority to do such a thing, and as family? I cannot believe you would dare ask me to do this."

                "But he's your friend. He told me that's he's been your friend for years!"

                "An old acquaintance does not change the fact that he's a bloodbender who has abducted the Avatar at least once, no matter what you're trying to tell me about what's been passing these last few weeks. I have no desire to shelter such a man. Frankly, after what he's put you through, I am shocked that you would make an effort to help him escape justice."

                "That's not _it_ , though. It wasn't going to be fair. He doesn't deserve to die for what he's done."

                "That, I am afraid, is not for you to decide. If you wanted to have a say in his sentencing, you were in a perfect position as the Avatar. What possessed you to start spreading stories and go running across the countryside? And _bloodbending_ , Korra-- that is something I never thought you would stoop to."

                "But--"

                "Korra. I am responsible enough not to let my emotions get the better of me at such a time as this, but believe me, I am _furious_. I am ashamed of you on many, many levels. I am making allowances for your youth and what you have been through, or you would have been taken to a jail cell too. As it is, as the ruler of this country, I am confining you to your quarters until Councilman Tenzin can take custody of you."

                "Tenzin? He's coming?"

                "He's already here, I'm afraid. He's off on his sky bison chasing you, but he'll be back here soon enough. I expect that as soon as the military forces have taken custody of Tarrlok, he'll leave with you."

                "So that's it, then? I finally get here and you just lock me up until you can hand me off to someone else?"

                "Korra, you should just be grateful that you are being treated so well."

                "Can't I even see Desna and Eska?"

                "My children were escorted from the palace as soon as I was told there was a bloodbender in the city limits. They are in a safe place."

                "Why are you--"

                " _Korra_. As much as I would love to repeat myself to you again, there are other important matters that require my time. I am asking you to go to your quarters and wait for Tenzin, but if you continue to refuse that will become an order."

                "Naga--"

                "If you will not be leaving the palace, you have no need of your polar bear dog and she does _not_ fit in your rooms. She will be cared for. This is the last time I will ask you to go of your own accord."

                " _Fine_ ," I snapped. My foot left a crack in the stone floor as I stomped out the door and shoved past the guards. That was too much, and I tried to take a deep breath to calm myself. If I couldn't control my bending now, that wouldn't help my case. Hearing the steps of the guards behind me grated on my nerves as I walked through the halls and stairwells.

                At one point I tried to turn left when I knew I needed to go right, and the guard just behind me carefully cleared his throat. "Avatar Korra, your apartments are in the other direction."

                "I'm going to get food. I haven't had anything to eat for ages."

                "Food will be brought to you. Chief Unalaq has ordered us to escort you directly to your quarters."

                I groaned, but turned. "This isn't necessary, you know." None of them answered me. When I finally reached the door I needed, two female guards tried to slip inside with me. That was the last straw. "No, no, _NO_. I don't care what your orders are. I want my privacy. You can camp in the hall with the others. Get _out_."

                After I slammed the door in their faces, I wandered aimlessly through the rooms. Someone had already brought our bags in, but as soon as I opened them I could tell they'd been searched. I threw myself on the bed, my thoughts running uselessly in circles until I was interrupted by a knock at the door. It was my dinner, and I picked at the food, but couldn't bring myself to really eat. Once I saw the sun had set, I gave up on it. I went back to the bed, curling up on the blankets and trying to find a way to fix things with my uncle and Tarrlok. When I realized that I was starting to fall asleep, I had just enough energy to turn off the lamps and kick off my boots before crawling under the sheets and shutting my eyes.

                When I woke up cold and sweaty from a nightmare, it was pitch black. After a moment I shut my eyes again, trying desperately to catch my breath. I turned, blindly feeling for Tarrlok. When I remembered where I was, it felt like a blow. I'd spent so long pushing him away, and now that I wanted him there he was gone. How had I miscalculated _everything_ so badly? I'd been trying to help him from the start, but it seemed like all of my decisions only made things worse for him.

                I got up to pace, stopping by one of the tall narrow windows to look out over the bay. The moonlight rippling off the water was hypnotic, and the sound of waves crashing on the stone of the palace foundation was the same as it had been since she'd been a little girl. I couldn't help sighing. I should have enjoyed visiting my family, and I'd hoped that Tarrlok would have liked coming back to his old home. If I pushed forward as far as the window would allow, I could just barely see the edge of the prison tower.

                It was a horrible idea. I knew that even while I was thinking it. It was a desperate long shot that might just be making Tarrlok's situation worse _again_ \-- But it might buy me the time to make things better.  What if I could get him away from all this? Not for good, but to give me the space to negotiate with Tenzin or the military commander who'd be taking Tarrlok away. Tenzin wouldn't drag me away from here with Tarrlok still on the loose. If I could just find someone to listen to me, I might be able to fix things. Even if I couldn't make it all better, it would be worth it to undo some of the damage I'd caused.

                I was already dumping out the packs on the floor by the time I'd made up my mind. I couldn't bring much. Just the essentials. It had to be light enough for me to run and fight. There wasn't exactly a good way to leave the room, but I'd be missed anyways as soon as it was morning. In the end I split the wall just wide enough to slip through, and jumped.

                I pulled the water up to catch me, gasping for air for a moment as the cold hit me. This was much easier in the warmer waters of Yue Bay. I swam for the shore, and as soon as I climbed up on the stones I bent the water out of my clothing. It was still chilly, but much better now that I was dry. I still hadn't really adjusted to being in the North Pole again, but there wasn't time to worry about that.

                It was safest to stay in the dark back alleys, and I took my time making sure my path was clear as I made my way to the prison tower. Being spotted now would be a disaster. All those old family trips were coming in handy now. Everyone had wanted to keep the prince, the princess, and the Avatar away from the prisons... so of course there was no place we'd wanted to explore more. The guards had done their best to keep an eye out for us, so we'd just gotten _very_ good at sneaking.

                I stayed carefully away from the gate and guardhouse. The back wall was sheer stone, fitted too closely for anything to get purchase between the massive blocks. I put my hand on the rock, shutting my eyes and concentrating. There was always the chance they'd taken him to the newer wooden prison, for earthbenders. If my uncle had guessed I'd come for Tarrlok, they could have taken any number of precautions. But maybe, _maybe_ \-- If they'd just treated him as a normal waterbending prisoner, this would have been the place for him. It took some time to test every room, and I was just beginning to give up when I found him. There on nearly the highest floor. I could feel him.

                Well, this was going to be quite a climb. I shook out my arms and legs to loosen them up before I began. Don't think about it or it'll just be harder. It took a moment to work out the easiest motion, but my hand slid smoothly into the stone face, pressing out a hollow. Another followed, another, and then I was lifting myself off the ground and climbing up the wall. It was repetitive, but I didn't let my concentration slip for a moment. If I made a mistake, there would be a long ways to fall. The sky was overcast, but every time moonlight came through a break in the clouds, I tensed, certain that this would be the moment I was discovered. But there was no signal, no outcry, and then I could feel Tarrlok just across the wall. I made the mistake of looking down, and felt dizzy for a moment as I saw the stone blocks stretching away into the distance below me, but then I was shoving the stone aside and pulling myself into Tarrlok's cell.

                He was sleeping, but as I made my bending repairs to the hole in his wall, he bolted upright. It took him a moment to understand what was happening. "Korra? Is that you?"

                "Who else would be sneaking into your prison in the middle of the night?"

                "What are you doing here?"

                I laughed. "Oh, you know. I had some bad dreams and there wasn't anyone to hug me, so I just hopped over here."  

                "Korra, I'm serious. Why are you here?"

                I knelt down by his side and kissed his cheek. "I'm getting you out of here. They're not taking you back to Republic City like this. Let's go. We need to be somewhere safe by dawn."

                "Hold on. Korra, hold on. What are your plans?"

                "I'm going to fix this. I just need some more time."

                "Wait, wait. Listen, we can't just keep running forever. I can't keep this up for the rest of my life. If Unalaq's decided against me, there isn't anywhere I can go. Even if I went to a small town on the other side of the North Pole, I'm too recognizable. It's better to give up now."

                "Oh, I don't mean for us to keep this up. I'm buying us some time. If I can just talk to my uncle or Tenzin-- He's at the North Pole, did you know that? I'm sure that if I can get them to sit down and _listen_ to what I'm saying, I can make everything better. If they'll just give me a chance I know I can make everything better."

                "Now, I do appreciate this, Korra. I really do, and I want you to know that. But I can't do this."

                "Yes you can! We aren't going to leave the way I came in, of course. We'll go out a different way." I tried to pull him up to his feet, but he stayed where he was.

                "That's not what I mean. I'm saying that I'm not going to leave."

                It took a second for his words to sink in. "You're staying? But they're just going to take you back to the city. Probably tomorrow. That's not enough time--"

                "Korra." He paused for a moment. "Have you considered the possibility that it doesn't matter how much time you have?"

                "I don't know what you're saying."

                He took my hand in his and sighed. "It might not matter, because there's nothing you can do now to change their minds. It's better to stop now and just go with them. I can't run forever."

                "No! Everything that's happened in the last few weeks is my fault, not yours. And even the things you did, you have reasons! I'm the one you hurt, right? I don't want you to die for this. That's not what I want. It's not right. If I can just _explain_ to them--"

                "I'm afraid that things don't always work as nicely as that." Tarrlok pulled me close to his side and put his arm around my shoulder. "I'm sure your testimony will play a role, but things are largely out of your hands now. And the longer we fight them, the more likely they are to give me a severe sentence. If the council was already talking about the death penalty, I'd rather not provoke them further."

                "I can't leave you like this!"

                "You need to. I know my limits, Korra. I can't stay away from them forever."

                I had my mouth open to argue when we heard footsteps from the hallway. I pressed myself against the wall next to the door as Tarrlok lay back down on his cot and pulled the blankets over himself.

                A woman's voice came from outside. "Anything going on in here?" Light came in through the small window in the door, coming dangerously close to my feet. I tried to inch back further without making a noise.

                Tarrlok stirred, rolling over as if he was just waking up. "Pardon?"

                "I heard talking. What's the story?"

                "I'm very sorry, I've been asleep. Perhaps I was dreaming?"

                "Fine then," the woman sighed, "But if there's any trouble, you'll be the one paying for it."

                We waited for some minutes after she left before I dared to move. Tarrlok wouldn't listen to anything I was trying to say, only whispering for me to leave now before I was discovered.  I finally had to admit to myself that he couldn't be persuaded. He never stopped urging me to go and leave him. All I could do was give him one last long, desperate kiss before I pulled away.

                I made a hole in the floor, working slowly to be sure I didn't make a sound. I dropped through noiselessly before closing the hole behind me. Floor after floor went the same way. When I could feel that a cell beneath me was occupied, I went sideways through the walls until I found a free room. My mind was hardly on the work. I'd always been unshakably sure that I could _fix_ things. I'd never questioned it. If people would just stop and listen, I could undo my mistakes.

                Naive. I could see that it was naive now. Maybe it was true for little, unimportant issues, but this-- Had I broken everything too badly to fix? Even if Tarrlok wouldn't put it that way, that was how it felt to me. Maybe there wasn't any way to make things better. I'd told myself from the start that everything would work out. I'd been lying to myself this whole time. I'd told myself that as I made things worse and worse. The most awful part of it was that I wouldn't be the one to suffer for it. I'd been immature, I'd been blind, and I'd brought things to the point where Tarrlok was willing to sit and wait to be brought back to Republic City to face possible death because my answers to problems did the opposite of helping.

                The sky was just beginning to get lighter as I walked back to the main palace. There would be just enough time to return to my bed and not be missed. I was just coming back to where I'd need to climb to get back into my room when I realized something. There was light pouring through the hole I'd made in my wall. I'd left the lights out. I could hear distant shouts too. They'd caught me. My uncle wouldn't put this aside. He'd never listen to me now. I'd be lucky if he didn't lock me up. I cursed and ran for the ocean. My only hope was to find Tenzin. If anyone was left willing to hear what I had to say, it would be Tenzin.

                All that practice with Tarrlok and Naga paid off now. It hardly took any concentration to shape the bubble as I walked down into the water. I could practically feel eyes on the back of my neck as I went deeper. I didn't relax until I was too deep to be seen, but then I took a minute to stop and think. I'd made things worse-- again. I couldn't afford any more mistakes now. Tarrlok couldn't afford for me to make more mistakes. If I could get to Tenzin, he might listen to me. It shouldn't be hard to spot Oogi, I'd just need to find a way to get Tenzin's attention from the ground. For now, though, it was probably best to hide in town. For once, the traditional water tribe clothes would make me blend in, not stand out. It was a relief to have _some_ goal, even if it was still vague and undefined. The sun was just rising. As soon as it was up I could slip into the streets and figure out what to do next. I put my hand to the sea floor and feel the shape of the shoreline, and then I set out. There wasn't time for any more mistakes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The penultimate chapter! One more to go, plus an epilogue. The last chapter is going to be very long and very complicated and I won't get a chance to start on it for about a week. I've got a friend arriving from America in.... six hours, and my queue is lined up for the week, but I don't think I'll be able to get much done while she's here. I can't believe this is almost done! I sat down to outline the chapter and was like wait.... I'm running out of plot.


	27. Chapter 27/Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm..... done? Wow. I'm kind of surprised I actually managed to finish this. And very proud of myself. This is the longest thing I've ever written, and on the whole, I'm pretty happy with it.

**Korra**

\--

                I took some time before leaving the water to shut my eyes and try to plan. It didn't go well. I was still too rattled to think well, and I couldn't get any further than 'somehow finding Tenzin.' If he talked to Chief Unalaq, he'd know that I'd run, and he'd be looking for me. But would he search out on the open water, or would he look for me in the city? My uncle's soldiers would be hunting for me too. I had to avoid them, but find Tenzin, and if Tenzin was up in the air, somehow get his attention. If only I was able to airbend! But that had been just the once with Amon, and I hadn't managed since then.

                Eventually, I gave up and just headed for the shore. I found a deserted section of shore, feeling carefully with earthbending to be sure there was nobody around who could spot me. I took down my hair and put it into a low braid, pulling up my hood for good measure. Not the best disguise, but I couldn't manage much else now. As soon as I was out of the water, I slipped into back alleys, wandering until I found a street I recognized, and turned toward the market district. It was still early, but the vendors were already at their stalls and there were plenty of people wandering and making their purchases. Short of getting on top of a house, this area, without tall walls or buildings, was probably the best place to watch for Tenzin.

                Even though I knew I'd have to be patient, after about an hour I was frustrated and angry. The crowds were getting heavier and it wasn't easy to keep an eye on the sky and make my way without running into people. Soldiers in uniform sometimes passed through too, and every time I spotted them I couldn't shake the fear that I was about to be caught and it would all be over. When I felt a hand on my shoulder, I jumped and had to bite back a yell.

                "Korra, is that you?"

                My heart was still pounding, but this was better than anything I could have hoped for. "Pema!"

                "Korra, what are you doing here?"

                I looked from side to side. Nobody seemed to be paying attention to us, but how long would that last? "I can't talk here. I need to find Tenzin."

                "No, you need to tell me what's going on. I'd be surprised if Chief Unalaq hasn't made an official announcement yet." I tried to step away, but she grabbed my arm. "Korra. You need to explain yourself."

                "Not here," I begged. "I can't let them catch me yet!"

                She sighed. "Follow me, then. Your uncle placed us in a house just a few blocks away. If we do that, will you tell me what's going on?"

 

                After a moment's thought, I nodded. Even though the walk took only a few minutes, it felt too long. I should be looking for Tenzin, or trying to free Tarrlok, or _anything_. "Pema, you said 'us.' Did Tenzin fly up with you and the children?"

                "Yes. Republic City isn't really a place we wanted to leave them alone right now." She looked over her shoulder at me. "But we've also taken Mako, Bolin, and Asami in. You left them in a rather unpleasant situation."

                I flinched. "Once the military knew they weren't helping me, I thought they'd be sent home."

                "Considering that they'd _started_ as prisoners, and were the only people in the camp left unaffected when you made your dramatic escape, they're lucky anyone was willing to hand them over to us."

                "What was I supposed to do? It's been almost impossible to protect just one person! What could I have done?" As Pema stopped in front of a door, I froze. "Are they here right now?"

                "They're out seeing the city. Though I wish they _were_ here so you'd have to listen to what they have to say. I'm surprised at you, Korra." As soon as the door had shut behind us, she turned to me. "Now, please. Try to explain to me just what is going on."

                "I don't know why you're so angry." I was trying to sound confident, but I couldn't meet her eyes. "I was just following your advice--"

                "No. Do _not_ try to blame this on me," she snapped. "How can you even say that?"

                I stepped back. "I was! You told me to look for things that were wrong and to fix them!"

                "Why on earth would you think that I meant running off and abandoning Republic City!? What would possess you to do such a thing?"

                "But-- But--"

                "Do you really think I'd want you to do that? That _anyone_ would want that? Please, do tell me what good that's done."

                "I thought about this for so long! I told you about how badly he was hurt, but the council was going to execute him, but that's not right because without him I'd never have been able to stop Amon, and he's the reason Amon's gone in the first place, and even the things with bloodbending aren't _all_ his fault--"

                Pema cut me off with a gesture and shut her eyes. "Korra, wait. Let's go have some tea and talk this over from the beginning."

                The house wasn't as familiar as Air Temple Island, but it was reassuring to be back in a home. I followed Pema to the kitchen and knelt down at the table as she set a kettle of water to boil. "First," she said, "Any advice I gave to you was never meant to be about Tarrlok. Do you think it's been easy for me to be a nonbender and see what's happening in Republic City? I _do_ remember mentioning to you that the Equalists had some points worth consideration. What they did in trying to achieve their goals was certainly wrong, but that just discredits the real concerns they had. I didn't always live on Air Temple Island. I still have friends and family who are just ordinary nonbenders out in the city, and things are even less likely to improve for them now that the Equalists have been defeated and the benders have 'won.'"

                "I don't understand."

                She sighed. "I was hoping you might take up their part with the council. Balancing the nonbenders with the benders. There are already people in place to represent air, fire, earth, and water, but nobody there for the rest of us."

                "I always thought they were to represent the nations, though."

                "In theory perhaps, but since I can remember, all five council members have been benders. Even then, how representative is that? There have been families that have lived in Republic City for generations. I don't even know where all _my_ great-grandparents came from. Which one of the council members speaks for Asami? I hear that Avatar Aang tried to balance things out in his time, but the situation for nonbenders has been getting steadily worse for years. I'd always hoped that the next Avatar would be the one to step up and take up our part."

                I looked down at my hands and mumbled, "Why didn't you say so?"

                "I thought I'd been clear enough. Did you think that just because I'd married a bender, all my sympathies were with the bender side of the problem?" I flushed. It hadn't even occurred to me. Pema walked over to the table, carrying two cups of steaming tea. "Now, start from the beginning. Tell me what you thought I was telling you to do."

                "It started with the council. You know they were having me restoring people's bending and healing Tarrlok." She nodded. "It was awful. I-- I haven't been doing well for weeks. Not since Tarrlok kidnapped me. I was dealing with it at first, but it only got worse after Amon. Knowing he was still out there, knowing he could come _back_ at any time--"

                "Korra, you know you could have talked to me about anything."

                "I was dealing with it at first. It was just nightmares. And what could anyone have done? It's not possible to undo the kidnapping, and talking about it wouldn't have changed anything with Amon. And it only got worse after the council put me to work. Restoring people's bending isn't hard work, but it's exhausting. And I know what it means to get that back. I know what they've been going through. And making me go to save Tarrlok's _life_ \-- Things are different now, but at the time I couldn't think of anything worse they could have asked me to do."

                "If it was that bad, I'm sure you could have said no."

                I waved my hands helplessly. "None of the council members but Tenzin takes me seriously. Even he still thinks of me as a child. It's bad enough that I still can't manage airbending or enter the Avatar state, but if they'd known I was having trouble with my bending--"

                "Your bending?" Pema leaned forward and I froze. She waited a moment and added, "Korra, please tell me what's going on."

                "It isn't that much of a problem. I just had a little bit of trouble after Avatar Aang restored my bending at the South Pole."

                "You can still bend, can't you?"

                I shifted uncomfortably. "I can still bend. It's just that I have some issues with... control. I'm getting better! It just needs a little time."

                "And you didn't tell anyone? Or ask for help?"

                "...No."

                She groaned and rubbed her forehead. " _Why?_ "

                "It's all I've _got_ , alright? I know I'm young, and I don't know how to do politics. People expect me to be the Avatar, and I haven't been good for much besides my bending. Then, my bending was broken, I couldn't even manage to sleep through a night, and everything was so busy that I hardly ever even saw you or Tenzin except at dinner and breakfast. I didn't know what to _do_ , so I tried to manage on my own!"

                "But you were having trouble with bending and agreed to do a difficult healing?"

                "It was wrong, okay? I know it was! Nothing you say is going to make me feel worse about it than I already do. _Nothing_ I ever do will make it up to Tarrlok. But I did my best with what I could manage at the time, and I'm going to keep helping him until healing stops having any effect. I'm already really ashamed of myself, so can we _please_ stop talking about it?"

                "Tarrlok then. What happened there? How did you go from hating him to running off to the North Pole with him?"

                "I-- I don't know, really. It just happened. It was hard to keep hating him so much when I was the one keeping him alive.  And when I found out that he killed Amon--"

                " _What??_ "

                I froze. I'd forgotten about that part of the story. Amon wasn't dead, he was out there somewhere and we needed Tarrlok to track him down. I stammered as I tried to think of some way to correct myself, but it was no good. It had been too clear.

                Pema cut me off as I tried to lie. "Korra, we need Tenzin. This is important. I'll send Jinora and Ikki up to look for him. You stay right here and _don't move_."

                "Wait! You can't tell him about my bending! I won't let you--"

                She stopped halfway through the door and turned to look me dead in the eye. " _Korra_. I am going to pretend that you didn't just try to threaten me, and I hope you never make a mistake like that again. I'd thought better of you than that. If I were you I'd spend some time thinking about your choices while you wait for Tenzin."

                I sat huddled in a miserable ball, sipping my tea. My cheeks were burning. What an awful, stupid thing to do. I'd hoped Pema would be back so I could talk more and forget what I'd said, but she didn't come back until at least half an hour later, Tenzin following her into the room. I tried to repeat what I'd told Pema as quickly as possible. He didn't say a word as I talked, and the silence just grew thicker and more uncomfortable as I rushed to a finish.

                Finally, he sighed and said, "Korra, I am ashamed to admit that I didn't see what you were going through at the time, or I would have offered you all the help I could give. I can even almost understand why you didn't say anything. But what would possess you to take Tarrlok out of Republic City?"

                "I was afraid for him," I mumbled. "The council was going to execute him as soon as they realized Amon was dead."

                "Republic City has _never_ allowed the death penalty. That is in direct opposition to every principle my father held when he founded the city. I'm astonished you'd think I'd stand for such a thing."

                "But all three of the other councilors were talking about it! And you never said a word!"

                "What good would arguing about it then have done? Let them talk about it when passions are high. I planned to oppose them when, or rather, _if_ they ever tried to put it into practice. Korra, if you'd ever come to speak to me about these things, I could have helped. That's why I took you in. To help you."

                "How do you know that would have worked, though? You saw how people reacted to the news that he was a bloodbender. The only reason he bloodbent me at all was because I went too far when I was fighting him." I looked down. "If he hadn't done that, I would have burnt him badly. He only did it as a last resort. _And_ he killed Amon, even though he was his own brother. He doesn't deserve to die what he's done. If the other members of the council didn't listen to you, are you sure you would have been able to stop them from executing him?"

                He started to talk, then paused. "It-- It is just possible that if I was unable to sway any of them, they could have overruled me. But I was confident that with time--"

                "Once you knew he could speak, how much time did he have? If the council hadn't been worried about Amon, would they have even told me to heal him?"

                "I doubt it," he sighed. "But now, I don't know how much can be done. After having abducted the Avatar twice, the whole world is united against him."

                "He didn't, though! It was just a lie that I told to cover my own tail. I'm the one who persuaded him into leaving the city, and I didn't even restore his bending until after he was captured."

                "When you decided to try your hand at bloodbending, you mean?"

                "I had to," I snapped. "I had to protect him. And I didn't want to bloodbend, but this is the first time anyone's given me a chance to _explain_ myself. I messed things up, and I've been trying and trying to fix it. I just don't want Tarrlok to pay for my mistakes."

                "Then what do you suggest be done?"

                I took a deep breath and tried to think. "This all started when I tried to avoid taking responsibility for things. I tried to tell myself that watching over Tarrlok was more important than taking care of Republic City, and I just made everything much, much worse. Fixing it has to start with me." I looked up nervously at Tenzin and Pema, but they were both leaning forward and watching me. "I need to go back to Republic City. If anyone needs me now, the city does. I need to step up and start doing my duty as the Avatar. I have to keep the balance."

                Pema was smiling as she turned away. I felt more confident as I pressed on. "If I go back there, if I do that and really step into a position of authority, won't I have a voice in what happens to someone like Tarrlok? He can go back and stand trial. I think he's even willing to do that. But if you opposed the death penalty, and I did too, would that be enough to stop him from being killed?"

                Tenzin nodded slowly. "It's a better plan than I'd expected. But it won't be easy."

                "I know," I sighed. "That's part of why I tried to stay away. But I can't run forever, and the sooner I accept it, the better. I'm the Avatar, and I'll have to deal with it."

                "Then I think we need to move quickly." He stood and I followed. "Your uncle is furious. We need to go to the palace and show him that you aren't trying to do something foolish. It may be difficult to persuade the council to accept your authority since you _are_ so young, so we have to prove that you're behaving more responsibly. Why on earth would you run away when the situation was so delicate?"

                "Oh, uh-- Well... I was trying to do something foolish. Tarrlok was smarter than me, though. He wouldn't let me help him escape. I was going back to my rooms, but they'd already realized I was missing. I came into town to look for you because I thought you'd be the last person who _might_ listen to me."

                Tenzin shook his head. "Korra."

                "I'm sorry!"

                "All the more reason to hurry, then. Upstairs. Oogi is on the roof."

                We passed the children, but I hardly even had time to wave because Tenzin was pulling me along behind him. From here it was only a short flight to the palace. Even from this high, I could see soldiers in uniform milling through the courtyard and surrounding streets. As we circled lower, I could make out my uncle, standing and watching us. There was a group of soldiers behind him, a prisoner held between them. Tarrlok.

                I almost shouted something, but Tenzin held up a hand to stop me. As soon as Oogi landed, he jumped down and stepped forward with a bow. "Chief Unalaq. As you can see, I have returned with the Avatar. This has just been a misunderstanding, as she left your protection simply to find me and ask my advice."

                My uncle ignored him. "Korra, please give yourself over into our custody immediately. You've proven yourself more than untrustworthy."

                "No! If you'll just listen to me _or_ Tenzin, I'm going back to Republic City anyways. I'm going to take up my Avatar duties, and I'm bringing Tarrlok back with me to face a fair trial."

                "I'm afraid that is unacceptable." He stepped forward, pushing past Tenzin. "You are barely more than a child, half-trained, and nothing you have done has shown you capable of handling such responsibility. If you do not comply, I am willing to take the necessary steps to bring you under control."

                Tenzin turned and grabbed his shoulder. "Unalaq, that is going too far!"

                "There are two of you, and... how many of my men? Additionally," he gestured behind him, "I have a hostage. Considering the nature of his crime, I doubt many would care what happened to him, but he seems to have some hold over my niece."

                When I looked at the soldiers surrounding Tarrlok, I could see sunlight shining off metal. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see the more soldiers edging into position behind me. I tried to circle around to get closer to him, but my uncle stayed between us. I managed to catch Tarrlok's eye, but he looked out over the courtyard, back to me, and just gave me a resigned smile.

                "Uncle, I'm going back to Republic City! And so is Tarrlok. What more do you want?"

                "It would be wonderful if I could trust you, Korra. This is the last time I will ask. Stand down and allow my men to take you into custody."

                I kicked off my boots, feeling the cold cobblestones under my feet, turning and trying to keep an eye on everything at once. Soldiers were already stepping between me and Tenzin, cutting my off from Tarrlok. I could reach him, maybe-- If I moved now-- I shut my eyes for a moment of deep concentration, and pulled up a wall of fire. I focused all my will on control. I couldn't hurt these men. I just needed to stop them. They backed away, shouting, and I moved forward, pushing through the flames.

                There were waterbenders, though, and they came to the front now. Several focused on me as the others moved to kill my fire. It took a moment to switch my thinking from the focused willpower of firebending to the push and pull of water. My flames faltered and flickered, and they began to drive me back. I looked desperately over toward Tarrlok, but the soldiers hadn't done anything to him yet. There was a knife at his throat, but he was alive. I still had time.

                I was getting overwhelmed. Even if I was a better waterbender than any single fighter, I was badly outnumbered. Ice might be enough to trap the nonbenders, but it barely slowed down the benders. I was just barely staying in control by using earthbending to see the movements of the men behind me, but that wasn't enough. But that gave me an idea. I twisted my heel, sending the bender trying to edge behind me sinking down to his shoulders in the stone of the courtyard floor. He went down with a yell, struggling to free his trapped arms. The other fighters froze, staring, for a moment. I moved.

                I ran for Tarrlok, but as soon as they realized what I was doing, the soldiers surged forward again to stop me. A stray knife left a stinging cut across my shoulder, but I still pushed on. There were still so many, though, and they began to pull me down. Fire again, just enough to scare them backward, and then earthbending. I was close enough to yell to Tarrlok, but I couldn't hear his answer over the noise of the fight. Someone landed a painful blow on my leg and I fell to a knee.

                I couldn't win like this. It wasn't going to be enough. I couldn't protect him _and_ bend well enough. They'd take me down with sheer numbers. I managed to catch Tarrlok's eye one last time as I stood, then deliberately shut my eyes, and turned. There was nothing now but me and my connection to the elements. There was nothing but this moment. The soldiers paused, then rushed toward me. I raised my hands and _pushed_.

                I could feel the stones of the courtyard ripple outward like water. Men shouted and fell. I pulled the water from the fountains, from the snow and ice, and trapped them where they lay. When I opened my eyes, the ones that were left, stopped and stared, clutching their weapons as they backed away. I could feel the power humming through me. Across the yard, I felt Tenzin facing my uncle. I turned and stepped toward them.

                Tenzin was the first to see me. He paused and bowed, murmuring, " _Avatar_ Korra." Even my uncle froze when he met my eyes. There was awe and fear there.

                "Uncle. This needs to stop. _Now._ "

                He backed away. I held his gaze until he finally made a deep bow. I shut my eyes, took a deep breath, and slowly exhaled. The power drained away, but I could feel it there still, just waiting for me to call it. I turned back to look for Tarrlok, afraid of what I might see. The soldiers still clustered there, some with weapons raised and ready to strike. But they were motionless, and Tarrlok was brushing away the last of the rope that had tied him.

                He smiled faintly when I met his eyes. He shrugged, as if to say that bloodbending had its uses. He moved to me before releasing them. They stumbled forward before recovering, but made no effort to pursue him. The remaining soldiers were all looking to Chief Unalaq, but he still seemed shaken and hadn't said a word. I let myself press Tarrlok's hand in mine for just a moment, then went to speak with Tenzin.

                "I think it would be a good idea to leave the North Pole as soon as we can."

                He nodded and was just beginning to discuss the possibilities, when I felt a sudden movement. My uncle was lunging for Tarrlok, but Tarrlok's back was to him-- He'd never see in time-- I reached for the power and felt it surge up within me. I turned, the fluid, circular motion that I'd practiced so many times without success, but this time I could _feel_ the air in my hands, and I sent my uncle tumbling across the cobblestones.

                I stepped over to where he lay. Blue light reflected off his eyes as he stared up at me. "Did you want to try that again?"

                "Avatar Korra, I--"

                "We will be returning to Republic City with or without your permission, but _especially_ without your help. If you do anything like that, ever again, you're going to have me to deal with. Is that clear?"

                "Korra--"

                " _Is that clear?_ "

                He dropped his eyes from mine. "Yes, Avatar."

                It took longer than I'd hoped to get back home. It just wasn't possible for Oogi to carry so many people by himself, and the trip back to Republic City by boat took days. Tenzin spent every moment he could trying to teach me about the inner workings of the council, and Tarrlok did the same. It made my head spin to be trying to learn so much so quickly from two teachers who disagreed on so many points. I was able to spend some time alone with Tarrlok during our healing sessions, but he constantly repeated to me that we couldn't let others find out about _us_. As much as I didn't want to agree, I had to admit that I could see how it would probably turn things against him.

                Things were still painfully stiff and uncomfortable with my friends. I couldn't even justify my decisions to myself, so I wasn't sure how I could ever expect them to forgive me. Time that I couldn't spend with Tarrlok or Tenzin, I spent with Pema and the children. Sometimes Bolin would come to play with them while I was there, but we barely exchanged more than a word or two.

                It was different back in Republic City, but I wouldn't have called it _easier_. Weeks wouldn't have been enough to prepare me to become a council member, and I'd only had days. But they gave me the respect due to a fully realized Avatar. Tenzin helped me, and I spoke to Pema about the things that concerned her. And it was a difficult thing to force myself to do it after the way I'd treated her, but I went to see Asami and asked her opinion about the issues facing nonbenders in the city.

                Once it became common knowledge that Amon was dead, Tarrlok's trial moved forward quickly. It wasn't much of a trial. There wasn't much question of whether he was a bloodbender or whether he'd kidnapped me. But he calmly explained the reasons behind what he'd done, and I stood in front of the council and admitted that what I'd done had made the situation worse. Tenzin spoke about his father's principles and what he'd stood for. Tarrlok wasn't innocent, but Tenzin and I did everything we could to push for a merciful sentence, especially in light of how he'd given me the key to confronting Amon, then took down his brother himself.

                In the end, it was better than I'd had any reason to expect. House arrest. A long sentence, but a generous one. Really, it was the way I'd acted more than anything else that helped. Perhaps I lost some respect, but it was worth it for this. They couldn't hold him entirely responsible for running from the city when I had persuaded him into it when he was barely healed enough to stand or feed himself. He was still guilty and confined to the grounds of his house, but it was _his_ house and a more merciful sentence than I'd hoped for. He'd expected worse too. I was able to visit him in relative privacy... for _healing,_ of course. And after there was no need to heal him any longer, I came to see him to be taught how to be a council member. Even after I'd heard everything he could tell me about politics, I was sure I could find reasons to come pass the long evenings alone with him, curled up together in front of a fire.

 

 

**_One Year Later_ **

 

\--

**Tarrlok**

\--

                "Tarrlok, shut your eyes!"

                I shut my book and turned. "Korra, I wasn't expecting you to be back from the North Pole so soon. Did your trip go well, then? How was Unalaq?"

                "Fine, yes, it was fine. But that doesn't matter now. Shut your eyes!"

                She wouldn't answer any of my questions until I did what she was asking. I felt the cool touch of healing on my cheek as she hummed to herself, but after a minute the humming stopped. As the silence stretched on, I finally said, "Is something wrong?"

                "It's not working."

                "Sorry?"

                "I got water from the Spirit Oasis. It was supposed to take the scars away! It was going to be the best surprise, but it isn't _doing_ anything."

                As she pulled back, I opened my eyes. "Oh, Korra, you didn't have to do that."

                "I wanted to, though." She was frowning as she bent the water back into its skin. "I still feel bad about that all."

                I shrugged. "I've adjusted. Really, I have. I appreciate the effort, but I'm perfectly content with the way I look." I caught her arm and pulled her down into my lap. "As long as you're fine with it, I have nothing to complain about."

                That made her smile, and she put her arms around my neck. "Did you miss me, then?"

                "Well, I was able to get more writing done in the evenings without _someone_ around to distract me, but I do think I prefer having you around."

                "Did you get any interesting visitors?"

                "Well, Pema and Tenzin came by for dinner a few days ago. It is much easier to get along with him now that we're not on the council together."

                Korra frowned. "Do you think Pema guesses? About us?"

                I laughed. "I'd be surprised if she doesn't! Korra, you spend at least one evening out of two here, and I don't know how often you can expect anyone to believe that you fell asleep on a couch and that's all that happened."

                "Oh." She blushed bright red. "I didn't realize I was doing it _that_ much. This evening, I do have to meet up with my friends, though. I had to cancel my plans with them when my uncle invited me to come north, so I can't skip tonight. If Naga runs, it shouldn't take more than twenty minutes to get there, so I won't have to leave until sunset or so."

                "Sunset, hmm?" I leaned back in my chair. "That isn't for a while. What were you planning to do for the next few hours?"

                She bent forward to kiss me. "Oh, I'm sure we can find _some_ way to pass the time together."


End file.
